is that
doesnt as in doesn't
cant as in can't
grammer as in grammar?

do they not have schools on your blasted heath?

=======

eats shoots and leaves!

Rathbones may buy Lloyds wealth management assets

Rathbones has confirmed it is in talks with Lloyds to buy parts of the banking group's wealth management division.

The discussions relate to discretionary investment management activities, mainly the Bank of Scotland Portfolio Management Service.

Rathbones says discussions are ongoing but there is no certainty any transaction will go ahead. A further announcement will be made if appropriate.

Can someone tell the "silly COW" to look at VOG?

Do I remember her trying to do a joke on herself?

The government looks ready to take its share with 5bn of the MONEY to be raise .........

From the Scotsman -- Published Date: 15 October 2009 ........

Taxpayers set to hand Lloyds another 5bn

LLOYDS Banking Group could be in line to receive up to 5 billion of taxpayers' money from Alistair Darling to shore up its finances.
The Chancellor is reported to be ready to hand the money over to the part-nationalised group so that it can escape the government's toxic asset insurance scheme.

Selling new shares worth up to 5 billion is thought to be part of a complex plan being considered by regulators to raise 25 billion of extra funds to reduce its exposure to the scheme, which is due to go live next month.

Lloyds believes its losses have peaked and the group is keen to escape paying multi-billion premiums for insuring its toxic assets.

The group which has already received 17 billion of taxpayers' money is 43 per cent owned by the state. It was rescued by the Treasury after its takeover of HBOS last year, when the world's financial markets collapsed.

The group has repaid 3 billion but is now believed to be asking for more taxpayers' money at a time when both Labour and the Conservatives are promising major cuts in spending to address the country's huge budget deficit.

No decision has yet been made by the regulatory authorities on Lloyds' plan to avoid the toxic asset scheme, which was announced in January when the banking system was in crisis.

But the prospect of more cash being handed to the group is likely to be seen as giving in to banks as they prepare to pay staff millions of pounds in bonuses, with markets around the world recovering.

The FTSE 100 Index soared to a 13-month high yesterday as traders in New York cheered the Dow Jones through the 10,000 mark. The FTSE rose another 2 per cent as stocks leapt after better-than-expected results in the US and positive economic signs in the UK and overseas. Meanwhile, the Dow Jones Industrial Average broke into five figures for the first time in a year.

And US investment banking giant JP Morgan Chase began the third quarter bank reporting season yesterday with a bigger-than-expected surge in profits. JP Morgan the largest US bank posted a forecast-beating 2.3 billion in net income for the three months to September up from 330 million a year earlier.

Figures from Goldman Sachs to be released today are expected to put the group's staff on track for a reported 14 billion in pay and bonuses this year and there are worries that excessive rewards are already back.

The asset protection scheme was devised to restore confidence in the markets by assuring investors the government was standing by the banks bad debts.

In return for a fee, the government provides banks with protection against losses on risky assets and loans "where there is the greatest amount of uncertainty about their future performance".

Lloyds is thought to be planning to raise around 11 billion from its investors, and to maintain its share of 43 per cent the government would have to pay about 5 billion of that sum.

However, the Chancellor is demanding a fee from the group of an estimated 2 billion, which would be set against the government's subscription to the new share issue. Mr Darling will ultimately determine the final amount used to buy the new shares.

The group is be keen to get out of the protection scheme to keep the taxpayer's stake in the bank below the 50 per cent level and out of government control.

A spokeswoman for Lloyds last night declined to comment.

MIDDAY MARKET REPORT

Financial issues were mostly buoyant, with banks rallying as concerns over funding were pushed to the back-burner following encouraging news and results from US counterparts.

Lloyds was the best of the banks, up 1.04p at 94.1p, additionally helped as Rathbones confirmed it is in talks with Lloyds to buy parts of the banking group's wealth management division.

re - eats shoots and leaves!

        JOKE OF THE DAY

A panda goes out for a drink one evening
Whilst having a drink he gets talking with a woman "marni".

One thing leads to another and he ends up back at her place
for the night, during which they make mad passionate love.

Come the morning she asks the Panda for some money.
'Why do you want money?' the Panda asks.
'I'm a prostitute' replies the woman.

'A what?' asks the Panda.
At this the woman gets a dictionary down and tells
the Panda to look up the word prostitute.

The Panda reads ' Prostitute - a woman who performs sexual acts for money'

'Oh' says the Panda, 'then I think you should read this' and he hands
the dictionary over to the prostitute open at the page with Panda on it.

This entry states ' Panda - eats, roots, shoots and leaves'
With that he exits the house!

A mathematician an accountant and the Master RSI apply for the same job
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four". The interviewer asks "Four exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes four exactly"
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average four give or take ten percent but on average four."
Then the interviewer calls in the Master RSI and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" Master RSI gets up locks the door closes the shade sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

that's along the lines of what a creative - sorry, thinking - accountant should ask

Cynicthe Master is far too clever for mehe just plucks air out of the air with the ease of Paul Danielsand when I try to understandI need the help of Jack Daniel'swhatever he touches turns to gold.paint

another down day for lloy.......what a surprise!
wonder what spin the master idiot will come up tonight for this one.

looks like he could be holding this one for next 10 to 15 years right enough dil and tabasco

t
its difficult for me to say and admit this but i shall. your post 1119 is among one of the best i have read and most relevent that requires no pictures. i am finding this board in general is becoming less and less interesting to me. maybe i can contribute by stopping posting or by posting less frequently. i shall sleep on it. not looking for cuddles. far from it. i dont need em.
regards
edit just so there is no misunderstanding, i already get lots.

Good morning all>

Jkdthanks mateyou are a Gentleman.and whilst I wont be giving you a cuddleas Jesus once saida man that sleeps with another man should be stoned and personally I believe it helpsI am 100% heterosexualanyway your good lady will be in a league of her own

a slightly homophobic Jesus with some wit might have said, a man that sleeps with another man would need to be stoned, but i don't recollect reading or hearing of the quote you give anywhere!

Where's mr tosser this morning ?

here!

Cynichave you not been stoned?since when have I had to explain my jokes to you?

Anywayif I had to sleep with another man.I would make sure a woman was in the middleffs joke..
lloy up...enter the Dragon...

as a non-smoker, when i tried dope (for a dope) on a couple of occasions many years ago, it just made me feel horribly seasick

Cynicolives made me sick the first time I tried themBTW Im a clever cockneywent to Cambridge.found Newmarket without GPS

Morgan Stanley view

Price Target 80p to 105p

Upgrade to Equal-weight. Based on recent credit
healing and improving underlying property markets, we
have reduced our impairment assumptions over the next
few years. On this basis we believe the APS no longer
provides value for money, and would view positively any
effort to exit partially or totally. This may also reduce EU
pressure for value-destroying core asset sales, another
of our concerns. This, alongside the ~20% pull back in
the stock in the last few weeks, makes us feel the need
to be underweight is less strong on a 12-18 month view
albeit we fully recognise the next 1-2 months will have
risks to shareholders

We remain cautious on asset quality (significant
negative mortgage equity and commercial property
NPLs) and the FSA required capital may be sizeable.
We think a possible scenario is ~7bn of sub-debt
conversion and 9bn equity raise for a partial exit
(10bn swap with a ~15bn rights issue for full exit). The
resulting implied multiples of ~7x are not demanding.

Limited valuation differences. Our scenario work
suggests that if LBG moves from public (i.e. APS) to
private insurance, there is less value impact than
perceived, all other things being equal. However, we
appreciate that an exit from APS could also help the EU
debate as well as investors concerns, but at the
expense of a potential sizeable supply event short term.
Higher liquidity/term funding may weigh on margin.

The new FSA policy is likely to lead to higher holdings of
low-yielding gilts and possibly terming out of short-term
funding. However, the impact may be <5% of GOP. This
is reflected in our sub-consensus margin assumptions.