The Master was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped and offered hera lift which she accepted She got in and crossed her legs.. forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg The Master had a look and nearly had an accidentAfter controlling his Mondeo he stealthily slid his hand up her leg
The nun looked at him and immediately said "Master remember psalm 129?"
The Master was flustered and apologised profusely He forced himself to remove his hand Howeverhe was unable to remove his eyes from her leg
Further on while changing gear he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said "Master remember psalm 129?"
Once again the Master apologised. "Sorry sister butthe flesh is weak"
Arriving at the convent the nun asked the master to meet her in the parkembarrassed he declinedshe got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way On his arrival at the Chinese restaurant the Masterrushed to retrieve a bible from his jacket pocket and looked up psalm 129... It said "Go forth andseek further up.. you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your jobor the red hot chilli pepper will steal your gloryfirst lesson when asked to meet nun in parkmake sure you park meat in nun

bloody hell, you guys ... this is getting even worse than the Gaza Conflict thread .... can't we get a sense of sense to prevail??

by the way, no one has yet explained _ no surpise i guess - why Palestinians are deemed to be liars, and thus why by omission, Jews, Methodists, Calvinists, Catholics, Rosacrucians etc are not

cynic
your vocabulary and knowledge of such is far greater than mine, and probably most on here also, you appear to be comparing religious and spiritual beliefs with nationality.
perhaps a more appropriate comparison when asking why Palestinians are deemed to be liars might be to compare to other nationals i.e Brits, French, Danes, Swiss etc.
personally i dont see what their religion or spiritual beliefs have to do with it.
the "and thus why by omission" may or may not be a red herring introduced by you.
maybe you have a bee about it for some reason?
just tryiing to understand.
anyway, as always just my opinion and please all dyor.
kind regards to you
jkd
edit i agree with you. just cant agree with the argument that you have put forward.

if you read back, you would understand why my question, though yes i take your point

What a load of childish puerile crap... act your age! Try not to constantly be an attention seeker give some sensible adult and knowledgable advice or bugger off.

Banks - LLOY is UP the rest down with the market

FTSE well down by 70 points on the red

Intraday
               
1 month
               

Qataris supposedly interested into buying into rights, also Goldman saying yesterday they have $3.4 billion earmarked for commercial real estate, some of which will be UK I seem to remember

They are motoring now 94p +2.50p, as WALL Street is moving into positive territory and the FTSE is slightly recovering earlier losses.

Lloyds in focus amid talk Qataris will buy into rights issue
By Deborah Hyde | 13:08:22 | 22 October 2009

Shares in Lloyds found support in an otherwise lacklustre morning session as traders noted reports that the Qatari sovereign wealth fund might be readying to buy into the banks rights issue.

At 12:45, Lloyds shares were up 0.2p at 91.18p.

'I'm hearing talk that the Qataris sold their stake in Barclays to get involved in this, as opposed to Sainsbury,' said one trader.

Others said the market was awash with talk that Lloyds' bankers have established terms for the planned rights issue.

We're hearing the terms have been set at 6 for 10 at a discounted price of 38p,' said one. Others said they had heard the same terms, saying the rights issue would raise 15 billion for the banking group

The comments come after reports in the newspapers that Lloyds has finalised terms for the rights issue and will announce them next week - as long as it can get approval from the Treasury and the regulator.

The Financial Times said Darling will exact a high price if the bank uses the proceeds to avoid insuring any loans under the government's Asset Protection Scheme.

The paper said Darling has made it clear the government which owns a stake could block the decision if it so chooses and will use that threat to force Lloyds to honour its commitments on lending and show restraint on bonus payments.

        END-OF-DAY MARKET REPORT

Among the banks, only Lloyds made any progress, the biggest riser on the FTSE100, up 3.3p at 94.8p, spurred on by reports it is close to agreement on avoiding the Government's asset protection programme.

Forgive me if I'm being dense but surely if there are 27161 million shares in issue and I create 6 new shares for every 10 already in issue then this would equate to issuing 16296.6 million new shares which if I sell at 38p would net me 6.192708 billion not 15billion?
To raise the mooted 15 billion it would require me to sell 16296.6million shares at 92p. Can someone help with the maths on this? as I'm confused how this would work.

Just out of interest I looked for the article which can be found at http://www.citywire.co.uk/personal/-/news/markets-companies-and-funds/content.aspx?ID=363727.

As you can see it doesn't mention the price of 38p.

Always do your own research.

omg rsi got it right .... 1 day in ten .... respect , lol

What we knew for some time, recession is over at least a couple month back, but is counted by Quaters..........


From the BBC

UK expected to exit its recession

Retail sales were flat in September, which will not help overall growth
Figures due later on Friday are expected to show that the UK economy grew slightly from July to September, meaning the recession is over.

The figure for Gross Domestic Product (GDP) from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) is likely to show the first economic growth since early 2008.

But analysts have said the result will be close and that the economy may even have continued to contract.

GDP measures the total amount of goods and services produced by a country.

The figure at 0930 BST is expected to show growth of between zero and 0.2%.

The UK economy has been contracting for at least the last five quarters, from the beginning of April 2008 until the end of June 2009.............

Daily MAIL

MARKET REPORT: Rights rumours see Lloyds leap

The broker says there could be gold at the end of the rainbow. After all the fundraising has been done,
Lloyds will emerge as the largest distributor of banking services in the UK and the largest mortgage bank in Europe.

Home loans should be an extremely profitable business, capable of generating 25 per cent plus return
on equity across the cycle. In a 'Lloyds as is today' valuation, Evolution's target price would be 165p.

Lloyds, L&G seen in real estate talks
Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:02pm BST

LONDON (Reuters) - The real estate arm of insurer Legal & General is in talks to cherry-pick troubled assets from Lloyds Banking Group Plc in deals that could generate hundreds of millions of pounds for the lender, sources close to discussions told Reuters.

Legal & General Property is weighing potential joint ventures and acquisitions of some of Lloyds' moderately distressed real estate assets, as cash continues to roll into its open-ended funds, the sources said.

Bill Hughes, Legal & General's property head, declined to confirm the talks with Lloyds, but said his team was talking to several banking organizations with a view to helping them lighten their property burdens.

"The banks need long-term investors with free capital, who can get their heads round complex deals and have first-rate property skills in house," Hughes told Reuters in an interview.

"They are clearly willing to spend time with organizations that they believe they can work with," he said.

Lloyds declined to comment on the talks. Its shares were trading 3.6 percent up at 98.2 pence by 3:53 p.m., while Legal & General gained 0.3 percent to trade at 85.5 pence.

From MAIL online

Market report - 24th October 2009

Awaiting its imminent mega fundraising, 43 per cent government-owned bank Lloyds Banking Group added 1.44p further to 96.24p after touching 1. UBS considers Lloyds to be at least 50 per cent undervalued based on expected 2012 normalised earnings. Royal Bank of Scotland, 73 per cent owned by the British taxpayer, firmed 1.53 to 47.04p in sympathy.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/money/article-1222587/MARKET-REPORT-Hardy-Oil-dries-investors.html#ixzz0UoFjCbKK
----------

Banks were in demand following a bullish note from UBS's John-Paul Crutchley. He said: "The outlook for UK banks into 2010 looks significantly rosier than was the case at the beginning of the year." Royal Bank of Scotland rose 1 to 47p.

Lloyds Banking Group, though, was Mr Crutchley's top pick despite rumours that the price of borrowing to short the stock ahead the group's expected rights issue had risen to more than 300 basis points.

"We consider Lloyds Banking Group to be at least 50pc undervalued, based on expected 2012 normalised earnings," Mr Crutchley said. The shares ticked up 1.4 to 96.2p.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/markets/marketreport/6418856/Chaucer-sees-Pamplona-take-a-larger-stake.html

From The Sunday Times -- October 25, 2009

Lloyds seeks 23bn to exit state scheme

Lloyds will announce within days a controversial 23 billion fundraising that will bolster its balance sheet and finally repair the damage caused by its disastrous takeover of rival HBOS.

The fundraising, being finalised this weekend, will be one of the biggest seen in London.

The bank will ask shareholders to inject about 12 billion through a rights issue. Taxpayers, who own 43% of Lloyds, will have to cough up about 5 billion.

A further 11 billion will be raised through the issue of new loans to replace existing borrowings.

The cash call will free Lloyds from having to take part in a costly government insurance scheme.

The bank was to have put 260 billion of toxic loans into the Government Asset Protection Scheme (Gaps), a plan designed to limit damage from loans that turned bad. That would have given the government a controlling 60% stake in the bank something its directors were eager to avoid. Lloyds has been swamped by the problems at HBOS source of many of the bad loans which it saved from collapse last year. The deal has led to the departure of chairman Sir Victor Blank, one of the masterminds of the takeover, who stepped down in May.

The fundraising should help Lloyds to escape punishment from the European Commission, which was expected to force the bank to sell a lot of branches. Staying clear of Gaps should reduce its demands.

Details of the plans will be announced by the Treasury in a statement that will also deal with Royal Bank of Scotlands role in the scheme. The timing of an announcement depends on talks with Brussels but City sources say it is expected within 10 days.

RBS, which is 70%-owned by the taxpayer, will be unable to escape Gaps. The bank is attempting to withdraw as much as 50 billion of assets from Gaps, although 270 billion in loans would still be covered.

Reducing participation in Gaps may not be enough for RBS to avoid having to raise more capital, however. This could come from 6 billion of B shares made available by the Treasury this year, which the bank has yet to call on.

The Lloyds fundraising will be underwritten by UBS, Bank of America Merrill Lynch, Citigroup, Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan Cazenove and HSBC. The plan is likely to receive a lukewarm reception from big shareholders at Lloyds, who have been kept in the dark on the talks with the government.

Lloyds shares have almost doubled in value since the Gaps deal was announced in February, closing on Friday at 96p. The group is to dispose of assets and is close to appointing advisers to sell its Halifax Share Dealing business and a small employee benefits operation.

The Spanish banking giant BBVA is considering a bid for any branch network that may be disposed of by Lloyds or RBS.

John Kingman, the outgoing chief executive of UK Financial Investments, the government body set up to hold shares in banks, is in talks to move to the Rothschild investment bank. Robin Budenburg, a senior UBS banker, is tipped as a potential successor, and is believed to be competing head to head with John Crompton, an internal candidate.

Financial Mail

Lloyds faces new rights issue delay -- 25 October 2009,

Lloyds Banking Group is poised to launch an 11bn rights issue to help it escape the Government's Asset Protection Scheme, but it will be forced to wait at least until the end of this week for the Treasury to give its verdict.

Despite rumours that Chancellor Alistair Darling would make up his mind this weekend, Government sources said a decision would take much longer.
It is understood that the rights issue would be at a discount of almost 50% to the market price for Lloyds shares of 96p.

The bank also plans to raise a further 14bn by converting some of its debts into shares, selling off non-core businesses and issuing convergent capital - debt that could convert into shares.

With 25bn raised, Lloyds would claim that it could weather the recession and would not need to join the APS, the State insurance scheme for toxic bank debts.

Government sources said Lloyds' joining the APS was still 'Plan A'.

Under that scheme Lloyds will pay the Treasury a 15.6bn premium in exchange for the Government bearing the bulk of any losses on the bank's portfolio of 260bn worth of potentially toxic loans and assets.

The bank would pay the premium by issuing new shares to the Government, so joining the APS would boost the State's stake from 43% to more than 60%.

Raising its own new capital would avoid outright State control, but Lloyds would need the Government to stump up an extra 5bn of taxpayers' money to play its part in the rights issue.

The Government would also demand a break fee of at least 1bn from Lloyds for quitting the APS because, even though it has not yet signed up, the bank has been enjoying implicit protection since it said it would join the scheme eight months ago.

A Treasury spokesman insisted that the decision on whether to let Lloyds out of the APS would be made on the best likely return to taxpayers.

But banking observers suspect the Chancellor will inevitably weigh up the political price of his options.

From The Sunday Times -- October 25, 2009

MPC told: dont panic over recession figures

Economists have warned policymakers not to be fooled into pumping too much money into the economy on the back of Fridays unexpectedly weak gross domestic product figures.

The 0.4% drop in GDP in the third quarter, which went against City and Bank of England expectations of a 0.2% rise, prompted speculation about a further boost to the money supply by the Bank through quantitative easing.

However, analysts said that the economy was stronger than the official figures suggested. Chris Williamson, chief economist at Markit, which produces the monthly purchasing managers indexes, said he was bemused by data suggesting Britain was still in recession while other European countries were pulling out, and that the result could be serious policy errors.

The whole reason central banks began using surveys like these, beginning with the Federal Reserve in the 1930s, was to get a true picture of what is happening, he said.

Economists at Goldman Sachs published a detailed research note saying that the GDP figures were not only inconsistent with the purchasing managers surveys, which suggested growth of up to 0.7% in the quarter, but that they were hard to square with other official data.

Kevin Daly, an economist at Goldman Sachs, said: Does this data tell us anything about what is really going on in the economy? Probably not.

Part of the criticism of the figures was because economists got their predictions wrong, but it also reflected deeper concern about the datas reliability. Treasury economists, who had expected a flat third quarter, were said to be astonished.

In the past the Bank has expressed unhappiness about the reliability of data from the Office for National Statistics and attempted to backcast the figures, based on the assumption that they are likely to be revised. This is just a first estimate. These numbers will be revised, one official said of the latest announcement.

However, they could tip the balance on the Banks monetary policy committee (MPC) in favour of more quantitative easing when it meets on November 5. One MPC member, Adam Posen, hinted in The Sunday Times last week that the programme needed to go beyond the 175 billion so far agreed.

Paul Tucker, a deputy governor of the Bank, said last Thursday that it would not be clear until next summer whether the official measures had helped the economy to grow.

Figures out this week are expected to show that America pulled out of recession in the third quarter, with annualised growth of 3% or more. Also this week, the Bank is expected to report another rise in monthly mortgage approvals.