Sponsor Your Queen and Country

BABE Rally 2007 - From BA (Big Apple) to BE (Big Easy), a total drive of 1500 miles in four days on the east coast of the USA, in a banger yank tank that has to cost less than $250.

In a moment of madness, Martini and Gausie have entered a team - "Queen and Country", the entry has been accepted, and so long as we can get all of the prelims in place, at the end of May we'll be setting off from New York with "New Orleans or bust" ringing loudly in our ears.

In case you're wondering, we'll start with Martini as Queen (Gausie will be Cunt-ry) and we'll swap over every now and again.

We'll be raising money for Save The Children, and hopefully, in due course, some of you guys will dig deep.

We're planning on getting a car in late April and flying out a week early to prepare it for the journey - which is at the end of May.

We'll be looking for a car with acres and acres of metal and rust, a decent set of brakes, an engine and gearbox that stands a chance of getting us 1500 miles, and a very loud stereo. We've decided that an open top is mandatory - even if we have to take a cutter to a saloon. A custom paintjob is planned, given sufficient time.

oh my lord I don't believe what I've just done. Gausie may have to fly back early and he asked me to fly out as a reserve and I agreed. What have I done????? I now have 4 days to find boaters, tweeds, gallons of tea, get croquet lessons, get Gausie a birthday present, learn how to tie a cravat and keep my mouth shut about what I think of Dubbya.

How exciting is this?????!!!!

dcb

DCB; You will have a ball, but don't let Martini drive for gawds sake! :-0)

Mike

DCB - and Dont forget the Elvis suit. You also have to learn to say 'dude' a lot. Dude.

:-)

And DCB - just ask Martini for guidance in the art of travelling light :o)

As for Gausie's birthday thingie, you should be able to rustle up an invisible mending kit that includes a staple gun and some duct tape on the day - and it's not for the car, dude ;)

Please, please, please leave the roof on! How can I keep the Elvis wig in place with an 80mph wind blowing through it, especially if Thelmic and Louis hog the front seats. And I'm not going to say "dude" at all. English gentleman say things like "old chap", "spiffing"

chocolat - travelling light!!! Are you serious? Have you any idea at all what a sequined jump suit weighs?

dcb

Probably about the same as a suitcaseful of cricket gear ;)

DCB:

Sir, driver's licence please. The speed limit on the Interstate is 65mph so I'll be writing you a ticket today for that as we have you at 80mph. Sir, your driver's licence does not say Elvis, I don't care what you're wearing. Sir, I am not "old chap", I am 35 years old, I am a Highway Patrolman and I have the Beretta pistol and the handcuffs and you now have a problem. No I don't care that you're British, I am just plain overjoyed that managed to drive on the right side of the highway. And who the hell are these other two dudes in the car with you? The old guy looks kinda out of it, I mean, is he OK? Oh, drugs. Looks like I'm going to call for backup here. Oh, prescription drugs to keep him going, OK, just tell me you're not gonna let him drive.

OK, Sir, here's your ticket and you can go on your way as soon as you've removed that ridiculous wig which will distract other drivers who may lose lane discipline while pissing themselves laughing. Drive carefully. Have a nice day.

DCB

We will be carrying a full toolkit comprising two screwdrivers, a mole grip wrench, three rolls of duck tape, a pack of wrigleys gum, a few cable ties, a tin of WD40 and a small roll of baling wire. Surely you'll be able to come up with some sort of quiff retention device?

All - the ride is now sat outside Martini's hotel with our plates on it, properly insured and ready to be pimped.

Martini is taking Dave and his good lady wife out for a meal.

G

Don't worry about the wig, dcb. There's no way that'll get above 40!! ;-))

Well said goodbye to Toms River and drove up to Elizabeth just next to Newark Airport to meet up with Jim (papajam the Alpha man) who is going to let use his place as a base for the next stage preparing the car.

100 miles and the Olds never missed a beat the only small problem is the cigarette lighter doesn't work so couldn't use my Tomtom to navigate. So map and stop/ask got me to Jims work place. We had a look round the powder coat plant - nice to be back in a factory again.

Inland 35 miles and now sat in Jim's den using his computer whilst his lovely wfe Jackie feeds me coffee and cookies.

I managed to pick up ducktape in red and white cb radio paint brushs masking tape etc to get us started. Tomorrow will get a gallon of the blue base coat from Homemark and attack the rear end.

Picking up Gausie from JFK Friday night so will be setting of tomorrow some time in a hire car to pick him up.

One thing about this sort of the thing is you get to meet people and see places you never would on a regular holiday.

Over and out.

M

If you want to win guys wear red .... apparantley the RFU reckons its their only chance , twats :-)


England unveil World Cup strip .... ROFLMAO !!!!

My monies on u guys getting further than them ... oh happy days :-)

OK, woke up this morning with a brainwave running round in my head. I'm sure you've all had those moments. Well here's my idea:-

We're going to the US right? Home of the cowboy, so there must be loads of horses running around. Fix a towbar to the car, steal a horsetrailer, find a horse and tow it behind the car in the trailer, then, when the car breaks down irretrievably on some god forsaken Alabama dirt road and the KKK is bearing down on us with their pointy heads and flaming crosses, we can hitch Dobbin to the car and it can pull us to safety and New Orleans.

I've thought and thought about this and I can't find any flaws in the argument, except perhaps the rota of who mucks out the trailer each morning, so how about it Team, can you find a horse on Staten Island?

This plan also has the added advantage of a ready made barbecue supply should we run out of food in the Nevada desert, which I have absolutely no doubt we will find ourselves in if Martini doesn't fix the cigarette lighter to plug the TomTom into.

My mission for today is to source an Elvis wig and a fly screen - 1500 miles in the back of a car with no roof, I'll need a fly screen!

dcb

J; Dont worry you have already got a couple of old nags in the car with you, I should take some ear plugs, when you have heard about the Leyland Service Department for the 400th time you will wish you were back in Suffolk :-)

I would hire a car and follow the old rust bucket at a safe distance.


Mike

PS You do realise that despite Martini's career in cars and Gausie's Alfa rebuild job, they dont have a clue about car mechanics, so God help you if anything breaks, maybe you should have a tow truck on 24hr standby.

Mike - As my light reading, I'm taking "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Mechanics". Positive thought is all that will be required :-)

J

Martini

It's ALFA - papajam would be entirely justified in showing you the wrong end of his sports rifle if he catches u spelling it wrong.

Sat in airport departure lounge.

cu soon

G

Just raised another 90 sposorship from the estate where my office is. Add it to the total!

Gausie - Martini - By the way, one of the firms here are very sophisticated engineers, they said that cutting the top off the car without adding additional strengthening would be very dangerous. have you considered this. It is a serious point.

J

Gausie
Yes he has already hit me over the head with a monkey wrench over that!!

DCB
Excellent thank the trading Estate and brother for us.

Tell your friend we had concidered it and the plan is to weld the doors up to make the deepest sills he has ever seen.
Regards

M

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