Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

I overheard 3 surgeons chatting last night, discussing their favourite type of patient.
The first one said he preferred artists because once you cut them open they are awash with colour and vibrancy.
The second one said he preferred engineers because all their internal parts were well ordered, arranged and numbered so you could work on them easily.
The third one said this was nonsense and he preferred to operate on anyone who posts on the NOWT thread, because they only had two body parts, their mouth and their arse, and they were interchangeable.
Can't think what he was driving at.
Alan

What do you get if you cross a stockbroker with a pig?
Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.

morning alan, you're up early. here's a oldy for you.
three guys are bragging about how much they turn their women on. first guy says, last night my wife got so turned on she arched her back six inches off the bed. second guys says , that's nothing . last night my wife got so turned on she arched her back ten inches off the bed. third guy says, last night , after we had made love, i wiped my cock on the new curtains ........ and she hit the roof!!!

just seen arsenal's penalty from yesterday. what a laugh!!! gallic genius at its best. lol...........

Pires attempt at a penalty gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Frogs legs".
Alan

Speaking of frogs' legs and raincoats - anyone been to Hebden Bridge recently?

bring back the girls - thats quite put me off my Sunday high tea

i didn't know men were allowed in hebdon bridge. i thought it was just women in dungarees and comfy shoes!!!

Better translate that post for Boz.
"high Tea" is something that soft handed southerners have. It is usually Earl Grey Tea, drunk from a China tea service and accompanied by fresh scones with jam and whipped cream.
For us Northerners, a rough analogy would be the bread and mucky dripping sandwiches on a Sunday afternoon to use up all the bread that would go a bit stale and the lovely juices that have congealed from Sunday lunches pork joint, or the condensed milk sandwiches our mums used to give us to eat while we played on the street.
Its just that posh people wouldn't call it that, and southerners would have to settle for pie and mash or jellied eels!!
Ah, nostalgias not what it used to be, is it?
Alan

Funny how cream always gets a mention.

Cream !!

"bosley - 21 Oct 2005 11:19 - 1719 of 1764
good morning all. has this turned into the "flirting "thread? i'm building up a slightly naughty mental picture of H and chocolat living out their passion for strawberries, chocolate body paint and lashings of cream....... i wouldn't dare say where the ice-cream scoop is being used!! "

jimmy, you are scaring me. how did you reach into my mind and pull that mental image out?

Just to brighten the day - hope I dont offend anyone

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you
got run over by a bus and I wet myself laughing'.

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.
He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your boobs, it's worked for
your backside'.

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with
his patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it
scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your
mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for
us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over
and said ........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's
'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....
Girl replies 'You better jackoff, I've got a headache'.

Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst
part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the
trouble started.

Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a
quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.


Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have
a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one
of those again!

It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking
5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know
where the hell she is!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her
pussy. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the
tip of the iceberg!

baza, fantastic. just pissed meself.

Fantastic, baza. But you'll have to do better than that to offend me!!
Alan

totally excellent. oldies in these but goodies!

I can't stop laughing !!!

baza

Fantastic, I've just pissed meself as well. That really made me laugh.

MS

Especially the McCartney one (does that make me a sicko ?)

I enjoyed the McCartney one, but what has the joke got to do with hunting down communists?
Yours,
Alan (writing from the St dunstan home for the dangerously bewildered)