Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid ... then I was petrified.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow." I said "You’re obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist pigs. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloomin' thing.

Local Police hunting the 'Knitting Needle Nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

OK OK, Wil stick to the day job!

Greek - you started it! :-)

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little b@stard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel , 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd .
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
Must sell washer and dryer $100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Church Bulletin:

The Associate Minister unveiled the churches new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I upped My Pledge - Up yours.

Greekman

White collar boxing is mostly blue collar now , lot's of ex pro & amateur boxers who are to old at 34 to compete, also MMA fighters.

That's a very funny list of jokes. this one i want to tell a friend of mine who's son works in Korea "I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move"

Aldwickk,

The main problem I have is that my club will only allow me to body spar, which is not much good as you always know where the shots are going to.
I do see their point though, as if I received a head injury, the club could be liable if I took them to court.
I have also as already said, found that head shot do hurt more and can more easily cause headaches.
This is down to the fact that the neck muscles are far less flexible, so don't tend to absorb or ride the blows easily.
Mind you at 64, I still have a powerful punch that surprises a lot of boxers much younger than myself, but that don't help much if your too slow to hit any of them, or to slow to move out the way of their shots.
Still, I throughly enjoy what is to me the best sport there is.
I also regularly train to the CD of Rocky, which always inspires me.

The 1st rule of Fight Club is ....................

What a good way to spend 8 weeks.

Moving Rolls-Royce Trent 1000 jet engine made from Lego bricks


A moving replica of a jet engine has been made out of thousands of Lego bricks.

The half-size replica of the Rolls-Royce Trent 1000 engine has been created to inspire young people to pursue careers in engineering.

It was made by professional Lego builders Bright Bricks, with advice from a team of graduates and apprentices from Rolls-Royce.

Staff at Rolls-Royce in Derby have been inspecting the engine this week.

The inspiration for the model came from a five-year-old boy.

.

--

I occasionally have a look at this thread during the day to lighten the load of a dismal day's trading. I don't expect a load of dots to reward my effort! More self opinionated, bigoted cr*p please.

" More self opinionated, bigoted cr*p please."

Come on Fred you can do better then --

Another Troll alert.

That was so unfunny Stan

It wasn't meant to be, it was an alert.

Well said, Harrycat.

I often visit this thread due to seeing an un-read post, and like you get annoyed just to find out the posts, sometimes several in a row, contain dots or another single symbol and nothing else.

I appreciate these posters are sending some sort of message, but as a technophobe, I haven't a clue what they are.

.

N,

I appreciate your "." for the artistic meaningful depth of understanding that they are in-putted with.

Modern art, at its best!

8-)
-----------------------

Mnamreh,

I appreciate your posts were not intended to annoy, (I get annoyed very easily, just ask the wife) so please reconsider not posting again.

I have enjoyed our communicating on this thread and although I am sure we have not always agreed, I have found your 'content' posts well argued and your views relevant.

If you leave this thread, as I did for a few weeks, because of the replying to the idiots I have on squelch, the muppets will have won.

If you do stay or leave, best regards.

Greek.

It is good to see Osborne is growing up and recognising that UK economic problems are link into European and World economies and that Britain is not an “Island unto itself”.

Also, it is good to see that he is at last trying to plough money into the infrastructure in order to stimulate the economy.

(Devaluing the pound in his and your pocket.)

Now, he needs to do now is reduce VaT

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In the Press

In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Mr Cameron says that he now expects the crisis in the eurozone to drag on for years, blighting the British economy. He indicates that the programme of spending cuts, initially planned to take five years, is now likely to last for the entire decade. Mr Cameron insists that he still wants to cut tax but that any reductions would have to be funded by even greater public spending reductions. Asked whether the austerity programme would now last a decade until 2020, the Prime Minister replies: “I think it’s going to be...this is a period for all countries, not just in Europe but I think you will see it in America too, where we have to deal with our deficits and we have to have sustainable debts. I can’t see any time soon when…the pressure will be off.

===========

From Yahoo

“"No man is an island unto himself"

“Donne is comparing all of mankind to a continent and therefore each person is a piece of the continent , not an island. Donne goes on to say that if a clod breaks off from a continent , the continent is less than it was before. Therefore when one person dies, all of mankind is lessened by that death. Thus, he indicates that one should not ask for whom the bell tolls announcing someone's death but rather it tolls for everyone.”