Fancy dress joke

A guy goes into a fancy dress shop and goes to the vampire section. The girl behind the counter says, "Maybe you should try the West Ham United football shop across the street". Guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misheard me. I said I wanted to dress like a count".








Deal or No Deal

6. Apparently, when Harry Redknapp was West ham manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

16. Apparantly, Blackburn football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.
- they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.

Have you heard the news that Chelsea FC are getting a new sponsor? It is going to be Viagra, Its the only way they can get past a semi.

Thanks Skinny and Bernard. (BTW Bernard, doesn't Premier League and League Cup count?)

Re: topical jokes about Liverpool FC

Following their last defeate liverpool have set up a a helpline to assist their fans through this distressing time the number is 0800 10 10 10, that number was selected as its easy for the fans to remember 0800 won nothing, won nothing, won nothing

Re: topical jokes about Liverpool FC
Scouser is walking down the high street in Croydon when he sees a video entitled "Liverpool The Glory Years" in the window display of a chairty shop.

He goes in and says to the assistant: "Eh ar kid, ow much for the 'Pool video like?"

After wiping the phlegm from his face, the assistant replies: "100."

"That's a bit steep innit la?, the lovable cheeky scamp asks, "ow come its dat dear soft lad?"

"Well," the assistant says, "it's 1 for the tape and 99 for the Betamax player."

A Liverpool fan goes to a restaurant for the first time in his life, looks at the menu and is ready to order but has a question for the waiter. He noticed that they have caviar and wants to know what this is. The waiter replies " these are fish eggs sir" The Liverpool fan replies, OK I have two eggs but not to hard boiled please.

Stevie G is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly. Alex Curran asks him why hes celebrating.
He answers "Well Honey, Ive done this jigsaw in only 43 days."

Apparantly Ryan Giggs' wife has left him and taken half his belongings.
She now has 6 more league medals than Stephen Gerrard.

A Liverpool prostitute has taken out a super injuntion to stop people saying that she slept with Wayne Rooney.

Not a joke, well not for giggsy.

Stacey Giggs leaves the house without her wedding ring, oh dear Ryan
Posted by heatworld 24 May 2011 16:58

Tags:Ryan Giggs Stacey Giggs

Stacey Giggs must be having a tough old day but we suspect that Ryans day is about to get much worse. Stacey was spotted leaving her house without her wedding ring. Oh dear.

Thats the sort of subtle signal even footballers can pick up on. Cheryl Cole did it when Ashley had been fooling around with hairdressers.

Yesterday the super injunction was finally broken so the newspapers were allowed to say what had been bouncing around the internet for months; Ryan Giggs is a very naughty boy.

No advertising please Mr Dentist

Q: If you see a Celtic fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve and hit him?
A: You don't want to damage your bike, do you?

It's with great sadness that I report Celtic Park was broken into last night. The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Strathclyde police are believed to be looking for a man with a green carpet.

Q: Who would David Murray play in Lord of the Rings ?

A: Legolas



Q: What do Rangers fans and mushrooms got in common?
A: They both sit in the dark and feed on nothing but crap.



Dick Advocat was caught for speeding on his way to Murray Park today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned



Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.



Alex McLeish was going to the Gers halloween party as a pumpkin.
Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.



Barry 'the Bazman' Ferguson walks into a bar with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to the bartender...'Look what I nearly trod in!!'



Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!



Q: What's the difference between a Hun and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being.



Q. What's Blue, white, red and funny?
A: A bus load of Rangers supporters going over a cliff.




Q: What's the difference between Rangers and a three pin plug?
A: Their both absolutely useless in Europe.



There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at Ibrox then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere...



Q: How do you save a blue nosed Bear from drowning?
A: Take yer foot aff his heid.



Q: What's the difference between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.



Q: What do Haemhorroids and Gers Fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely



Q: What do Beckham and Rangers FC both have in common?
A: Both got F***ked by Victoria



Q: Why did the Gers fan NEVER cross the road?
A: He was waiting for the Green Man to turn Orange.

Q: Who would David Murray play in Lord of the Rings ?

A: Legolas



Q: What do Rangers fans and mushrooms got in common?
A: They both sit in the dark and feed on nothing but crap.



Dick Advocat was caught for speeding on his way to Murray Park today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned



Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.



Alex McLeish was going to the Gers halloween party as a pumpkin.
Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.



Barry 'the Bazman' Ferguson walks into a bar with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to the bartender...'Look what I nearly trod in!!'



Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!



Q: What's the difference between a Hun and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being.



Q. What's Blue, white, red and funny?
A: A bus load of Rangers supporters going over a cliff.




Q: What's the difference between Rangers and a three pin plug?
A: Their both absolutely useless in Europe.



There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at Ibrox then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere...



Q: How do you save a blue nosed Bear from drowning?
A: Take yer foot aff his heid.



Q: What's the difference between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.



Q: What do Haemhorroids and Gers Fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely



Q: What do Beckham and Rangers FC both have in common?
A: Both got F***ked by Victoria



Q: Why did the Gers fan NEVER cross the road?
A: He was waiting for the Green Man to turn Orange.

What do call a celtic fan on helicopter sunday with a bottle of champagne in his hand --------A WAITER.

Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United 1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.