Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

oi!! namreh!!! who the f**k are you calling bent?

Soooooo aggressive Bos. Sorry, should have used the word 'bias' instead for all the literati out there.

No offence Bos, none taken either.

Nam

ps I appreciate the gentle word play. Class.

Nam

nun taken.

Blimey, who mentioned terminals then.
Got blockloads here.

Is that final then

loadsa

Tony Blair started jogging near his home at Chequers.

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain
to follow.

"Fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the kerb.

"No! Five pounds!" Tony would fire back.

This ritual between Tony and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run
by and she'd yell, "Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his
jog.

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Tony
realised she'd bark her 50 offer and Cherie would wonder what he'd really
been doing on all his past outings.

He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Tony
became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. Tony tried to avoid the prostitute's
eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the pavement, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five
quid?!"

Well they say life is not a bowl of cherries

But there are wet days when only a cherry will do

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them,
"You can have her shipped home for $5,000,
or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your
mother-in-law home,
when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$150.

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here,
and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can't take that chance."

Brilliant bhunt !!

Jimmy,
The wife has pointed out that last time she looked, you were second in the investors league, and now she can't find you in the top 250.
I told her that there was no way things could go that wrong for you and that you must have resigned from the game to give the rest of us a chance.
That's right, isn't it Jimmy?
Alan

beautiful pics, chocolat. something is missing, though. ........ ah! that's it. would you like my cream on your cherries?

What are you recommending boz, preperation H???? Anusol?????

Seeing that this a boring day i thought this would make a few of you laugh.Sorry if this has alrady been posted

Ronnie Barker Script
>
>In Memory of a very funny man
>
>This was originally shown on on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie
>Barker
>could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes)

>Irony
>is that they received not one complaint. must have been the speed of
>delivery
>was too much for the whining herds.
>
>
>
>Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms as you read;
>
>
>
>This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
>
>
>
>Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella

>worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling
>shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
>
>
>
>The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,
>and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible
>huckers;
>
>They had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets
>to
>go
>to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.
>
>
>
>Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
>Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She
>turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
>six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks
>
>
>The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight
>otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
>
>
>
>At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
>suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said
>Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping
>her slass glipper.
>
>
>
>The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door
>and
>the
>sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and
let
>off
>a fig bart.
>"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that
>fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown
cloud
>had
>lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without
>success
>and their feet stucking funk.
>
>
>Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
>knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
>halls and a hig bard on.
>
>He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking
>ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The
>pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived

>hers with a follen
>swanny.
>
>
>
>
>

treikiman, absolutely brilliant.
alan, anusol is for grapes. i was thinking of something of a more milky constitution to drip onto chocolat's cherries.

Bailey's?

Nam

Actually, that was bucking frilliant, theikie - tranks.

No way, nam +o(

So what did you come up with, bos?

Alan ,
i'm afraid H is right ,i was going well trading in and out ,trying to do what kayak did last time ,,, this afternoon i had to do something and took my eye of the ball ,then WHAM i'm not even in the top 250 ,,all in 2 hours i'm gutted ,however i think i may make a comeback. I still belieeeeeeeeeve !!!...