Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

fancy a drink?

Yeh why not.

what would you like?

Well I've just got home...just raiding the fridge.

is that the kind of thing you are looking for?

wow! look at the creamy head on that!!

Nah - I won't tell you now about me and black olives (or are they prunes?)

But I do like the head on that - beats the hell out of Robinson's.

lol!
go on .... what's the deal with black olives?

Pretty boring really - along the lines of juicy fat red caterpillars.
Those insect zappers zotzed one too many black beetles just as the garnish went onto some swordfish I tucked into in Portugal a while back - trouble is, the bugger landed on his face, so I didn't spot him until his legs came off.

that's funny. what a shame , though. i love olives, even bought an olive tree to plant someday.

Oh I still love 'em - but I stick to the green ones now.
The more fresh and stuffed the better.

last week there was some kind of european market in st. annes square in manchester and there was a great stall selling all different kinds of greek olives. got myself a nice tub of mixed olives.

Well you must've eaten them all by now.
Not driven through the square for a month or so - they put big red Santa up on the Town Hall yet? Every year, without fail, some comedian takes a potshot with an air rifle.

That is no way to talk about Sir Alex, Choc.


Nam

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided

that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never

called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?



The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,

spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.



The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick work-out at the spa

before meeting a dinner date.



The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but

when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see

her husband in bed with her lady boss, gently, she closed the door and

crept out of her house.





The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to

leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with

them.



"No way," the blonde exclaimed. " I almost got caught yesterday.

Croc Story





Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. Puts the

croc up on the bar.



He then turns to the astonished patrons and says:



"I'll make you deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia

inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open

his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed. In return for witnessing

this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."



The crowd murmured in unanimous approval.

Steve stood up to the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates

in mouth as the crowd gasped.



After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on

the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals

unscathed as promised.





The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.



Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's

willing to give it a try.



A hush fell over the crowd.



After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman

timidly spoke up...



"I'll try it! Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle."

Baza

Am I experiencing deja vu, or did you post that tale the other day? (It is obviously one to remember)

Nam

Prime Minister Tony Blair was visiting a primary school and he visited one
of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words &
their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to
lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked
the class for an example of a "tragedy".


One little boy stood up & offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm,
is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would
be a "tragedy". " No," said Blair "that would be an accident."


A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm
afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "that's what we would call a
great loss."


The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Blair searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand... In a quiet
voice he said: "If the Royal Flight carrying you & Mrs. Blair was struck by
a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Blair . "That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be tragedy?"


"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't
be a great loss & it probably wouldn't be a f***ing accident either!"