Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Croc Story





Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. Puts the

croc up on the bar.



He then turns to the astonished patrons and says:



"I'll make you deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia

inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open

his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed. In return for witnessing

this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."



The crowd murmured in unanimous approval.

Steve stood up to the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates

in mouth as the crowd gasped.



After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on

the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals

unscathed as promised.





The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.



Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's

willing to give it a try.



A hush fell over the crowd.



After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman

timidly spoke up...



"I'll try it! Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle."

Baza

Am I experiencing deja vu, or did you post that tale the other day? (It is obviously one to remember)

Nam

Prime Minister Tony Blair was visiting a primary school and he visited one
of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words &
their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to
lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked
the class for an example of a "tragedy".


One little boy stood up & offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm,
is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would
be a "tragedy". " No," said Blair "that would be an accident."


A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm
afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "that's what we would call a
great loss."


The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Blair searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand... In a quiet
voice he said: "If the Royal Flight carrying you & Mrs. Blair was struck by
a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Blair . "That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be tragedy?"


"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't
be a great loss & it probably wouldn't be a f***ing accident either!"

Three dead bodies turned up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces.

The coroner called the police to tell them what had happened.

"First body was that of a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while
making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector" said the
Coroner.

"Second body was a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning. Hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," said the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy O' Flynn the
fisherman from Ireland, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquired the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken."

I might have done - lost count with what I have and have not posted - so boring

Baza

Certainly a slow day today.

Monday the volume and frequency will return.

Nam

How about this lovely girl she is Danica Parick ,American Indy Car driver .
Better looking than Nigel Mansell..

but i always liked the tash...

She can actually drive as well ,she nearly won the Indy 500..

She looks a bit latin prop ,i'm sure by the time you marry her ,she'll have one..

Ahem, I always had trouble with my Latin Prep. She wouldn't have any problem witha Latin Prop, would she Prop?

Nam

ps nice bumpers

I was waiting for the innuendoes to start ,any advance on nice bumpers ??

'innuendoes' ooerr missus!

pistons/firing on all cylinders/the horn/headlights/well lubricated internals/greased nipples/anti-roll bars/airbags/soft-top/leg-room/winkers/hooters/nice rack (and pinion)/ monocoque (sorry wrong gender)/ rear sub-frame/ fruity exhaust note/

help required guys....

Nam

...rubber boots/adustable headrests/spare tyre (no)/ excellent grip when wet/ wax finished/ regularly valeted/heavily damp(ed)/ twin carbs (both lactose)/...

Nam

space for passenger in back/ dog blanket/ (h)air conditioner/ no uphill starter/ full battery/ high revvin'/ one lady owner....

Nam

And now Nam has a highly polished hood!!8-)
Alan

no Americanisms please. Must continue.....

ah, oh.

Nam

I don't think you left any for anyone else !!

Hi all, well its really a goodbye all. Got court tomorrow for sentencing. Packed my flat up and packing the pc away later. Hopefully I will be back posting but just incase, good luck everyone, hope you all get rich and the thread will still be going when I get out.
Gotta get a family pack of soap now for the showers!!!

Best regards,

Craig

Wilbs,
We are all rooting for you. Any chance a family member / friend can let us know how you got on?
Seriously, all the very best mate, and if you need it, I've got a mate who is an officer in Pentonville!!
Alan