- Welcome to the unofficial dark side of the Bar -

GD's Night Club

- Refreshment for Naughty Goodsouls -

We serve filthy booze in the midnight hour It's a bit Gorgeous  

Come inside, be wild and free, drink yourself silly!

-Feel the spirit of the lost one inside your head?-

Through the locked door behold the secret cavern that holds the stored booze - anyone seen the damn key?

- The Booze Bar Wine & Beer list -

The Beer selection:- (hic)We are always fully stocked with the finest boozePoochies BoddingtonsHoltsMarston Pedigree - Better Brewed in WoodBank's dark mildStormC Guinness Visit Realbeer.comThe Wine selection:-Lilac wine (from the Cafe lilac tree)Chateau Smith Haut Lafitte 2000DP VIN '96 Mighty Micro specialityMumm Napa Blanc de Noirs Vintage 1996 Sterling Vinyards Three Palms Vineyard Cabernet Sauvignon (purple velvet!!) Ridge Vineyard's Cabernet, from their ramshackle winery high in the hills above Palo Alto.Niebaum-Coppola's Diamond Zinfandel, goes well with the bread and cheese

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The Bunny food menu- we love Bun buns    | | GD's Club Photo Gallery   Ye Ol'Fish and Chips - cod, haddock and plaice available Mushy peas for those so inclined Ditto baked beans Followed by: Ye Ol'Apple pie and cream For those anti-fish either baked beans or mushy peas on toast can be whipped up for you ;>) Lastly NO requests for chip butties, let's try and be a bit healthy! (Service not included - so serve yourself!!)

GD - Sums....yes...... can see now why you chose to be an investor....wait till she's 12 :-)

Yes and then i had for about an hour after watching 'i'm a celeb....'

lets pretend i have to go in a box of creatures.....pick a creature?

Ok a box full of slugs

She jumps on the floor, screams and then goes back to the sofa!

now pick another creature?

Ok a box full of snakes

She jumps on the floor, screams and then goes back to the sofa!

now pick another creature?

Ok a box full of worms


you get the idea!

Shame on you, poochie-poo.
So you don't just frighten the big girls? :)

MEMORANDUM



TO: The Citizens of the United States of America
RE: Revocation of your Independence

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy much. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize". 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents? Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly? or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "****". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are****and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Piss", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Piss". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Golddog,
sorry about that but it was Lambykins that said it, it was in relation to my friend Colin and Lambykins has good reason to be scared of him ;-)

I cant promise it wont happen again but me and Lamby will do our best.

travis, If only we could! :-)

Spaceman, your sins are forgiven, but Lamby will need to write out 500 lines...
..'i shall not swear or thy will be chopped, cooked and served with new potatoes'

I am having jj's problem with our refurbished bathroom. There seems to be a leak in the drainpipe from the shower, this pipe goes through the concrete from one end of the bathroom to the other. It is going to be a Kango job.

Golddog, he is in tears again.....

I think only a slice of P's Lemon Drizzle will cheer him up now.

this is me, just think yourself lucky you only have jj's problem and not maggies!!

Spaceman, I'm afraid no lemon drizzle until those 500 lines are written out, then Lamby can indulge in all the cake he wants. We have to be strict it's the only way they learn.

GD, the only problem is that he is a lamb and he cant write? he can eat grass and frolic, if I get his to frolic for an hour will that do?

Well seems like standards are slipping if a lamb can no longer read or write these days. Since Lamby is a special lamb and i don't like to see him cry he is free to go, but no lemon drizzle for an hour or so.



and now a little story..........

Who stole the cookies from the cookies in the jar?

jeffers stole the cookies from the cookies in the jar!

Not i said jeffers

then who

was Hilary stole the cookies from the cookies in the jar

The End

GD, poor lambykins! He's hardly a threat to world order and 500 times is too much. Can I not persuade you to commute his punishment to eating 500 slices of lemon drizzle cake?

Pooch, our posts crossed. You are a fair and wise dog.

Drizzle cake will be available at 15.00 hrs!

It's all leaks, rashes, cake and boats in here today! :>)
Hello everyone and how are we all?
(not a cue for Maggie to wax lyrical on rashes...)

I reckon I'll buy a little van and write plumber on the side, I think I could make a living out of the tea room customers alone!!
Afternoon Bunny.

balderdash and poppycock

Priscilla, 15.00 hrs sounds good, may have some myself.

Bunny, Yes that is a fine mix of conversational topics and i am very well thanks.

Well JeffMack! Not that Opto or I will take offence or anything...
so who's balderdash and who's poppycock??
(I spy Jeffie hole digging again!) LOL!! ;>)

Come on jeffers you know we have a ban on swearing in here please use the **

b********h and p*******k sounds so much nicer!