Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Prefer your stories to mine, Baza!!
Alan

Bet you have heard this one before Baza.

Do you have a brother called Mike?


Hilarious what!

Nam

(no jokes- sense of humour graft still intact)

Were you the doner????

As in Kebab?

Nam

Don't mind if I do. Chilli but no salad for me, please and extra large if they do them.
Alan

No - but my grandfather was called Isaac !!!

Baza

And heres Bazas grandads house.

Alan - thats not very nice - my grandads had alloy wheels

Baza

Never was there a truer word spoken in jest

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!"



The guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.





THE END

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes

9. LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has $ex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

10. GLASS CEILING (glass see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

11. BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufacturer makes look bigger.
Male: The organ of mooning (and farting).

12. TASTE (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE BIRDS GONE?

You're on good form today Baza. I've cut & pasted and will send to my mates. Keep them coming.

MS

They've all got flu!

an ass to eat you dinner off

On the subject of bottoms again - well it's in there somewhere

DRINK MATHEMATICS


This is pretty neat how it works out.
This is cool beer math!!!!!!!
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute.......
Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!


1. First of all, pick the number of days a week that you would like to have a drink. (try for more than once)


2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be honest)


3. Add 5. (for Sunday)


4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator................


5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755.... If you haven't, add 1754 ...


6. Now subtract the four-digit year that you were born.


You should have a three-digit number


The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have a drink a week).

The next two numbers are .......


YOUR AGE! ~ (Oh YES, it IS!!!!! )

Back to a lot of this then

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! - to ALL of the above.

Nam

just had chocolate, strawberry and vanilla ice cream. these would have been perfect

Mmm...nuts

do you like nibbling on nuts?