OK temporary accomodation for us ex-pats of Spacie's coffee house that is sadly now boarded up and in memory of Goldie's old pad the tearooms.

No fancy stuff, as this is temporary until we find a nice new place but it's warm down here with the fire and aga and I've organised a daily guinness, lager and wine delivery. There is a small kitchen in the corner and a few comfy cosy armchairs.

So feel free to take refuge when you need a break - self-service generally I'm afraid but when I can I'll rustle up a meal :>)

(supermarket tannoy system)

(bing bong bing)

Customer announcement, customer annoucement. Would Kimoldfield please go and view the latest high tech quick freezing freezers we have for sale, the sort you don't want to accidentally get locked in.

Oh oh! :o(

(bing bong bing)

Customer announcement. Kimoldfield please go and view the latest high tech quick freezing freezers. NOW!

Hello, may I have a look at your latest high tech quick freezing freezers please?

(shove..slam)

You need to chill. Thanks for lunch. I'm off, ciao

(Knock, knock) Helloooo! Is anyone there? I can't find the handle on the high tech door!

(bing bong bing)

Customer announcement, customer annoucement. The store will be closing in ten minutes, please select your final purchases, thank you.

(feedback squeal)

(Bang,bang, bang!) Help! Let me out!!

Security guard 1: " Did you 'ear somefink, Joe?"

Security guard 2: " Nah. Just one 'o dem freezers creaking when it runs, Jim."

Security guard 1:"Yeah, you're probably right."

Security guard 2: "Still an 'all, mebbe we should take a look see, Jim."

Very lifelike these ice sculptures, more realistic that a waxwork!

(Shiver, shiver) It'sss soooooo cccccoldddd!

(Shelf stacker throws piles of bags in)

Wwwwwhatttt! Wwwwhaaaattt arrre thththesessssss? McCain'sss ovennn Ffffry? Lookssss llllike `i've haddd my chipssss. :o(

Wake up silly, you're having a bad dream..........

(glass of water over the boat race)

They brought you back late yesterday after locking up. Good job they were only display freezers and they weren't turned on.

(Gasp, splutter) What! Oh, phew! That's a relief, I was just chewing a frozen quorn burger!

Well hurry up, I want a bacon sandwich.

Ketchup or brown sauce?

Both please and leave the rind on.

Ok! Brown sauce (squirt). Ketchup (Ftprrrrrptfth) Oops! Haha! no worries, that'll soon clean up. I'll just fetch the hosepipe.

I'm bleeding!

No no, it's only 5 litres of ketchup; seems that the extra cheap extra large squeezy bottle had a faulty top. Here, I'll just hose you down. (Wooooooosh!!). Wow, that's some jet!

Try this - Automatic Ketchup Dispenser