Women's backsides are now officially dangerously fat - and not just in America. Research at a hospital in Dublin has shown that a significant proportion of buttock injections are failing to get through the fat layer and penetrate into the gluteus maximus - which is essential if a correct drugs dosage is to be given. The needle only managed to enter the muscle tissue of a staggering 8% of women in the survey, with men faring much better at 56% - but still dangerously ineffective from a public health point of view. The suggestion is to make needles even longer to account for the plumpness of the female rump. Islington PC etiquette demands that we refer to lardies as "plus-sized" to protect their feelings, but maybe their feeling need to be prodded as sharply as their backsides to encourage them to shed the pounds. In fact, it is in all our interests to encourage fatties to put down the cream cakes and get off the sofa because we all fork out for the medical treatment in the end. In the words of Brian May, come on you fat-bottomed girls, get on your bikes and ride. You know it makes sense - there are no butts about it.

Even more amazing is the research into menstrual cycle

A recent scientific study had found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman in ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged masculine features. And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol, set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyes and a cricket stump jammed up his a**e.

Ring any bells???