Fancy dress joke

A guy goes into a fancy dress shop and goes to the vampire section. The girl behind the counter says, "Maybe you should try the West Ham United football shop across the street". Guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misheard me. I said I wanted to dress like a count".








Deal or No Deal

Ryan Giigs and his missus are splitting up. She's getting half of everything, which will mean she will have six more premiership winners medals that Stevie G!

No wonder Manchester Utd won the league, with Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs in the team, they are guarenteed to score away from home

Whats the difference between Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney? One pays for sex, the other pays to keep it quiet.

I went on Mastermind the other day and chose Manchester United as my specialist subject. John Humphreys said question 1.. Which Man U player is known as the Welsh Wizard? I said i couldn't say - he said Correct question 2....

A Cardiff City fan and his wife are in court fighting over a bitter divorce.

The judge asks the woman why she wants to divorce her husband.

She says: "He loves his Cardiff City more than he loves me!"

He gets up and says: "I love bloody Swansea City more than I love her!"

Not a joke but funny.

Tesco blunder means beers for 24p

tweet38Print..
James Andrews, 11:20, Thursday 2 June 2011

A computer glitch at Tesco stores in Scotland saw shoppers charged as little as 24p a beer, resulting in thousands of people rushing to cash in before it was fixed.

The mistake meant that in Scotland you could buy three cases of beer or cider for just 11. This meant you could pick up premium brands such as Magners, Budweiser, Stella Artois and Guinness for as little as 31p a can or 24p a bottle.

Word spread rapidly on social networking sites Twitter and Facebook as well as by word of mouth as customers rushed to cash in.

"Was casually chatting to my dad about the beer situation at Tesco, mention 3 crates for 11 and he sprints to the car," said Rebecca Macdougall.

Police were even called at one point to a Greenock store after heavy congestion was reported in the car park as customers rushed to take advantage of the mistake before it was fixed.

"Price glitch for beer has literally caused a stampede at the local Tesco. Tempers are flying in car park," reported Graham McKenzie on Twitter.

"Madness in Tesco tonight, seems their tills had an error and were selling 3 cases of beer for 10," reported John, Tweeting under the name saabbhoy.

A spokesman for the supermarket said this hit all shops in Scotland. "This was a pricing error affecting only a handful of lines on promotion for a short period. The price was corrected as soon as the error was spotted," he said.

Tesco has now corrected the error.

Ryan Giggs is known for his generosity and has spent years doing charity work in undeveloped countries. Well, he played for Wales.

Wayne Rooney's been arrested for shoplifting a packet of Cherry Bakewells. He explained to police that he'd promised Coleen never to pay for another tart again.

Ive just driven past Ashley Coles house and saw John Terrys car parked outside. How nice, that even with all of JTs problems, hes still got time to console a mate.

With Wayne Rooney scoring goals for fun and almost single-handedly carrying the Man U team there have been comparisons linking his form with that of Man U legend George Best. Well, George shagged woman in the sixties - Wayne shags them in their sixties.

Ryan Giggs 'had eight-year affair with brother's wife'

Sunday, June 5 2011, 10:52 BST

Ryan Giggs allegedly had an eight-year relationship with his brother Rhodri's wife.

The footballer is said to have first met Natasha at a Manchester nightclub in 2003, while his wife was pregnant with their first child. The relationship ended four months later when Natasha started dating his brother, until the autumn of 2004 when they embarked on a seven-month fling, reports the News of the World.

The pair are alleged to have met on various occasions over the coming years, such as the day after his second child was born in October 2006 and again in April 2010, shortly before her Las Vegas wedding to Rhodri.

She apparently told a friend: "I knew it was wrong. It's the worst possible betrayal. I tried to end it but my relationship with Ryan was like an addiction. Anything he said, I did. If he wanted me to drop everything to meet him, I would. I just couldn't say no.

"He instigated it all. It was all on his terms. There were constant calls, constant texts, constant meetings. But Ryan was never romantic with me. He never told me he loved me. It was all about sex."

Rumours of the affair began circulating in 2008 and Natasha is said to have described it to friends as "Manchester's worst-kept secret". They reportedly last saw each other on April 9 this year.

Liberal Democrat MP John Hemming recently named Ryan as the footballer who had taken out an injunction over an alleged affair with Imogen Thomas.

> Imogen dad: 'Ryan Giggs is a gutless coward'

What Wayne Rooney loses on adding hair on the top?

Having less brain cells

       

He has been done, should have just shaven it all off.

http://www.pnefc.net/page/NewsDetail/0,,10362~2538728,00.html.. Gawd help 'em.