Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

a really good joke...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

and if you liked that here are a few more..

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."




TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"





A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'

"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"







"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"







"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"

This thread has been very quiet today, come on guys lets take the piss out of Alan He's playing cricket badly again both days this weekend.
from
H (anymore guesses to what the H stands for)

It must be hard playing cricket in a dress..

Where was this taken Al?



helen, harriot, henrietta, ah I now no what the H stands for, its HER INDOORS!!!!!

That one was taken at the chapeltown and district butchers and abboitoirs memorial dinner where I won the title Miss Glands, Liver and Lights 2003!
My record as a beauty queen stands up to any scrutiny and I was once a semi finalist in the north east barefoot hedgehog jugglers association miss wet t shirt contest, where i was narrowly defeated by a then unknown Jo Brand. Personally I think she won because of services she was performing for the main judge and his collection of ferrets, but I'm not bitter.
The Missus says you're still wrong on her name, but I can never remember the damn thing either.
alan

alan, your missus is a tad cruel. i do like that in a woman!!!!! i'll go for hannah?

No your wrong with the name.Oh and by the way, alan loves cruel you really haven't see all my whips and chains, nipple clamps etc.
H

oh dearie me....i wish you hadn't said that! i've just made a right mess....

Very nice H.



Or is this Al?

Could be either!! Its a bit difficult to tell without the face. The hand looks like the wifes, but that dont mean a thing!!!
Looking at it though, doesn't it make you glad that babies don't have fillings in their teeth. Now that really would be torture.
Anyway, she said clamps, not piercings. Not to mention the gimp masks, and foldaway dungeon.
OOps, shes called me. "Coming Mistress"!
Alan

miss H, do you look anything like this wonderful creature?
http://www.orlaith-mcallister.co.uk/

No. I never wear that many clothes for a photograph!!!!
H

really? any chance of a pic?

you show me yours and i'll show you mine.
and anymore guesses on my name
H

does the winner get a pic?

Ok why not, Im game for anything.
H

hattie , honor, helene, helena, hansel, havanna,

No keep trying
H

gis a clue