Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

It's just banter .

Ukip sacks half its staff after sole MP turns down funding: Party faces fresh crisis following Douglas Carswell's refusal to take £650,000

Ukip expected millions of pounds of public money after general election
But sole MP Douglas Carswell had refused the £650,000-a-year funding
The party is now being forced to axe dozens of its staff due to cash crisis

Ukip was plunged into a fresh crisis last night as it faced axing half its staff because of a funding shortage.

The party had expected to cash in on the four million votes it got at the general election with millions of pounds of public money.

But after its sole MP Douglas Carswell refused the full £650,000-a-year parliamentary funding to which Ukip is entitled, saying the party should not ‘jump on the gravy train’, it is now being forced to cut back dramatically on staff.

One source said those on paid roles were told the party was effectively ‘shutting up shop’ as it laid them off, and it would look at the possibility of employing them again after the summer as it prepares for its annual conference.

After the election Ukip officials are understood to have drawn up plans to hire 15 members of staff at Westminster using the ‘short money’ paid to opposition parties by Commons authorities to help with their parliamentary work.

But Mr Carswell last week publicly denounced the proposal and said he only wanted to take around half of the entitlement, saying: ‘Ukip is supposed to be different and will be different.’

A source close to Mr Farage initially hit back and accused Mr Carswell of ‘absurd’ and ‘improper’ behaviour.

But in attempt to outflank Mr Carswell, the Ukip leader announced during an appearance on Question Time that he would be recommending the party took none of the money.

Ukip had also been expecting to get a share of the public funding allocated to parties by the Electoral Commission to help develop policies, but it is not entitled to this as it did not get two MPs.

Douglas Carswell = Trojan Horse

I've just learned that I have to go to Rotherham. Apparently it's oop norf.

Will I need:

a) my passport?
b) protective clothing?
c) safety footwear?
d) a gas mask?

Rotherham ,you best take a copy of the Koran .

Maybe a phrase book.

hilary,

Nobody up there will touch you!

Just wear some bright red thigh boots as camouflage, Hils. Then no one will notice you, trust me.

(PS, guys. You can tell all the girls and ladies "Trust me", in Rotherham. Works a treat.)

No, Hilary said Rotherham not Rotterdam.

Ratting cap and a Leeds United Football Club scarf. Don't open your mouth in public, end up getting mugged by fish finger and his fellow plastic Manchester United mates. :0)

FLOODS IN ROTHERAM

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Rotherham . One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerremy Kyle the next morning". Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the
victims of this disaster. Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
· Fila or Burberry baseball caps
· Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
· Shell suits (female)
· White sports socks
· Rockfort boots or any other product sold in Primark


Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew are ideal.


Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:
· 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
· £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9
· £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will
cause residents to beleive they have been forcebly relocated to Doncaster

That's funny

You boys are getting me worried now.

:o)

Well i wouldn't worry too much , Oh hang on , the Police and Local council tend to turn a blind eye to certain goings on .

Nice one H...it's grim oop north.

Yesterday, whilst walking the dog in a local park, I chatted with a guy in the car park who had a telescope set up and was looking at the sun.

He also had a notice hanging from it, reminding people not to look at the sun through any kind of optical instrument and which explained his telscope was fitted with a hydrogen alpha filter to make doing it safe.

He explained how he was looking at some of the solar filaments that shoot out and can be seen to the side of the sun and he told me that there was "particular activity today at the 'circa '4 o'clock' position." He invited me to take a look.

Here's the sorta thing I saw:

Eric Pickles to be knighted and become Sir Eric Pickles for services to local government.

i thought he was a Knight of the Gherkin .

what on earth did he ever do that was useful?

Hilary

This is how you do it.