Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Douglas Carswell = Trojan Horse

I've just learned that I have to go to Rotherham. Apparently it's oop norf.

Will I need:

a) my passport?
b) protective clothing?
c) safety footwear?
d) a gas mask?

Rotherham ,you best take a copy of the Koran .

Maybe a phrase book.

hilary,

Nobody up there will touch you!

Just wear some bright red thigh boots as camouflage, Hils. Then no one will notice you, trust me.

(PS, guys. You can tell all the girls and ladies "Trust me", in Rotherham. Works a treat.)

No, Hilary said Rotherham not Rotterdam.

Ratting cap and a Leeds United Football Club scarf. Don't open your mouth in public, end up getting mugged by fish finger and his fellow plastic Manchester United mates. :0)

FLOODS IN ROTHERAM

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Rotherham . One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerremy Kyle the next morning". Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the
victims of this disaster. Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
· Fila or Burberry baseball caps
· Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
· Shell suits (female)
· White sports socks
· Rockfort boots or any other product sold in Primark


Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew are ideal.


Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:
· 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
· £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9
· £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will
cause residents to beleive they have been forcebly relocated to Doncaster

That's funny

You boys are getting me worried now.

:o)

Well i wouldn't worry too much , Oh hang on , the Police and Local council tend to turn a blind eye to certain goings on .

Nice one H...it's grim oop north.

Yesterday, whilst walking the dog in a local park, I chatted with a guy in the car park who had a telescope set up and was looking at the sun.

He also had a notice hanging from it, reminding people not to look at the sun through any kind of optical instrument and which explained his telscope was fitted with a hydrogen alpha filter to make doing it safe.

He explained how he was looking at some of the solar filaments that shoot out and can be seen to the side of the sun and he told me that there was "particular activity today at the 'circa '4 o'clock' position." He invited me to take a look.

Here's the sorta thing I saw:

Eric Pickles to be knighted and become Sir Eric Pickles for services to local government.

i thought he was a Knight of the Gherkin .

what on earth did he ever do that was useful?

Hilary

This is how you do it.

I just found one of these in my garden in a tub which contains a Fig tree. It was sitting on top of a large pebble sunning itself (that's the beetle not the tree):



It's called a Golden Scarab Beetle ('Chrisina Resplendens'). Nice, yes? It's an expensive-looking thing, isn't it?

Anyone want to buy it for £50 (+ postage)?

Put it on Ebay Exec they will be bidding like wildfire ,just remember to feed it !