Time to go for it, girlies !

Any old farts of a grumpy disposition need not apply :)

Sorry, but I did not take too much notice of the book. Her felt tips were rather nice tho

always a give away...once jeff was on the tube and by honest accident,was looking up a ladys skirt opp....when i eyes meet she gave me such a look mate
well emarressed and we both got off @ same stop,could of melted..learnt my lesson..bght a paper after that

Can't think why they wear a short skirt if they don't want at least one fella to look up it.

:-)

By the way, has anyone noticed how most ladies become really accomplished at aiming "the best angle for someone to look up their skirt to check out their panties" away from the optimum angle of potential gaze for the guy or TV camera opposite?

I know this sounds a bit pervy but here goes

Have you noticed they sit all tight legged but as soon as they fall asleep the legs start to open.

Hmm...but at least they don't fart.

Oh yes they do. Everyone's digestion process produces gas of some sort. In fact, on average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.

Facts on ladies' farts

If they are also brave, really gorgeous girls could try this:

Take a bath readily prepared with a lighter and with the lights out.
Fart.
When the bubbles reach the top, have the lighter waiting to explode them.
It looks really good in the dark. And they don't smell because you've burned all the gas fumes.

PS. Don't tell anyone.

Men can keep a secret but can't keep a fart in.

Women can keep a fart in, but can't keep a secret.

And I thought the wife took matches into the bathroom to light the candles.

docproc...bet there`s never a dull moment in your house...lol

Himmelfahrt:)

good game,who can blow the candle out,or use a lighter,best after 8 pints and a chicken madras ;-))

steve

was that a hAIRY arse (_!_)

ladies we are so near yet so far.......

-*
Title: The perfect day



THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
8.15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 - Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
8.45 - Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 - Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 - Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
10.30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 - Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 - Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg
1.00 - Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 - Nap
4.00 - Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
4.15 - Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5.30 - Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7.30 - Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 - Hot shower (alone)
10.50 - Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11.00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 - Fall asleep in his big strong arms
_____________________________

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 - Alarm
6.15 - sex
6.30 - Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7.00 - Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked chicks with big tits
7.30 - Limo arrives
7.45 - Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 - Flight in personal Lear Jet
9.30 - Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9.45 - Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 - Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12.15 - sex
12.30 - Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 - Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 - Fly to Monte Carlo
3.30 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
4.30 - Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 - Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6.45 - Shit, Shower and Shave
7.00 - Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marajuana and porn legalized
7.30 - Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Icecream served on a pair of tits
9.00 - Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day;England beat Wales 31-0
9.30 - Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies) 9.31
11.00 - Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
11.30 - A nightcap blowjob
11.45 - In bed alone
11.50 - A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

My better half informs me that Fern 'n Whatisname on G' morning Breakfast were discussing vibrators, spicing up your sex life (with the wife I s'pose), dressing to thrill (Fern Brittan??) and other rudie stuff. All on daytime TV folks.

Where will it all end? Me m-in-law must had a heart attack (fingers crossed)!

Modern Britain eh?

LUV IT!

Brilliant Mos-ROFLMAO-Playing Dixie no probs-whatever key you want!

Through a comb, Son?

yes very good mostrader, but not completly correct! i like sex at 6:48 as well.

sorry golddog....:)

The owner of a gasoline station in Tattnall County, Georgia was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a billboard showing "FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP!"
Soon a local young man, Jim filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him "pick a number froom 1 to 10; if you pick the right number, you will get your free sex." Jim picked the numner 8, and the gas station owner said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later Jim, along with his buddy Bill, pulled into the station. Jim filled his gas tank, and again asked for his free sex. The station owner gave him the same story again, and asked him to guess a
number. This time, Jim guessed 2. The station owner said, "Sorry, the correct number was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away from the gasoline station, Jim said to Bill, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bill replied, "No it ain't rigged Jim. My wife won twice last week."

Top Ten things men understand about women

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says it all chaps just no point trying