Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

"bosley - 21 Oct 2005 11:19 - 1719 of 1764
good morning all. has this turned into the "flirting "thread? i'm building up a slightly naughty mental picture of H and chocolat living out their passion for strawberries, chocolate body paint and lashings of cream....... i wouldn't dare say where the ice-cream scoop is being used!! "

jimmy, you are scaring me. how did you reach into my mind and pull that mental image out?

Just to brighten the day - hope I dont offend anyone

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you
got run over by a bus and I wet myself laughing'.

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.
He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your boobs, it's worked for
your backside'.

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with
his patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it
scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your
mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for
us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over
and said ........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's
'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....
Girl replies 'You better jackoff, I've got a headache'.

Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst
part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the
trouble started.

Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a
quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.


Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have
a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one
of those again!

It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking
5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know
where the hell she is!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her
pussy. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the
tip of the iceberg!

baza, fantastic. just pissed meself.

Fantastic, baza. But you'll have to do better than that to offend me!!
Alan

totally excellent. oldies in these but goodies!

I can't stop laughing !!!

baza

Fantastic, I've just pissed meself as well. That really made me laugh.

MS

Especially the McCartney one (does that make me a sicko ?)

I enjoyed the McCartney one, but what has the joke got to do with hunting down communists?
Yours,
Alan (writing from the St dunstan home for the dangerously bewildered)

You've lost me there, Alan. Think I'll go back to my voyeuristic role - this posting lark is a bit too challanging.

Hewittalan66

Re : post 1762 and apologies for the pedantry, but I always believed clotted cream was the de rigeur accompaniment to scones and strawberry jam. I may be wrong.

Variation on the McCartney ditty - ....quiver, she gave a cough, her leg fell off, and floated down the river. Regional variations. Ahh to be on Ilkley Moor ba tat. Or watching rugby at Cass chanting WEEGAN, WEEGAN, WEEGAN.

That's enough Northern Stuff!

Nam

Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. He
puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons
and says:
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my
genitalia inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.
Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a
drink."
The crowd murmured in unanimous approval. Steve stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile's
open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, Steve
grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the
top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and Steve removed his
genitals, unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a
while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly
spoke up... "I'll try it! Just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

The old ones are always the best.

JAB

This is no joke ...

Jimmy, your right - that seriously does it for me. A sleepless night ahead.
JAB

jimmy, i really hope unicef notice just how much you are doing to highlight poverty in the world. your constant posting of poor women who cannot even afford clothing is really starting to make an impression. long may your kind hearted, selfless work continue. keep this up and i will have a word with the man in the hat about making you a saint.

I do my best bos, these thing need bringing to our attention,, if only i knew where she was,, standing there in the cold like that, i would be so happy to take her in ,get her out of that nasty wet top and look after her , i can't go on i'm getting all choked up .....

you're all heart, jimmy, all heart.

lovely

first day of new champinvestor comp. how did everyone do ? pretty good start for me , only down 800 or so. 92nd place. looking good to win it, i think. .........not.

no cream with that, chocolat?