Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

I enjoyed the McCartney one, but what has the joke got to do with hunting down communists?
Yours,
Alan (writing from the St dunstan home for the dangerously bewildered)

You've lost me there, Alan. Think I'll go back to my voyeuristic role - this posting lark is a bit too challanging.

Hewittalan66

Re : post 1762 and apologies for the pedantry, but I always believed clotted cream was the de rigeur accompaniment to scones and strawberry jam. I may be wrong.

Variation on the McCartney ditty - ....quiver, she gave a cough, her leg fell off, and floated down the river. Regional variations. Ahh to be on Ilkley Moor ba tat. Or watching rugby at Cass chanting WEEGAN, WEEGAN, WEEGAN.

That's enough Northern Stuff!

Nam

Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. He
puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons
and says:
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my
genitalia inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.
Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a
drink."
The crowd murmured in unanimous approval. Steve stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile's
open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, Steve
grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the
top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and Steve removed his
genitals, unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a
while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly
spoke up... "I'll try it! Just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

The old ones are always the best.

JAB

This is no joke ...

Jimmy, your right - that seriously does it for me. A sleepless night ahead.
JAB

jimmy, i really hope unicef notice just how much you are doing to highlight poverty in the world. your constant posting of poor women who cannot even afford clothing is really starting to make an impression. long may your kind hearted, selfless work continue. keep this up and i will have a word with the man in the hat about making you a saint.

I do my best bos, these thing need bringing to our attention,, if only i knew where she was,, standing there in the cold like that, i would be so happy to take her in ,get her out of that nasty wet top and look after her , i can't go on i'm getting all choked up .....

you're all heart, jimmy, all heart.

lovely

first day of new champinvestor comp. how did everyone do ? pretty good start for me , only down 800 or so. 92nd place. looking good to win it, i think. .........not.

no cream with that, chocolat?

You always have some, bos.

it's been a long , long day, chocolat. i'm feeling tired, so i don't know if i have enough energy to muster up some cream for you. i'm knackered. trouble is, if i go to bed , i can't seem to sleep.

Would you like my chocolate heart?

that's very sweet.
just been flicking through an old book of poems by a local poet called hovis presley. the book is called "poetic off licence". i'd forgotten how good it was. a few snippets,
"ex

as good things go
she went"

"anita had everything: 'come to bed' eyes,
'what time do you call this?' cheekbones,
and ' you treat this place like a flippin
hotel' shoulders. "

" care for a drink?
no, but i looked after some broccoli once"

D'you know, broccoli's never had the same appeal since I pulled some from the garden a few years ago. Some big fat juicy red caterpillars had taken residence - and the longer I soaked the broccoli the more of the little sods floated to the top :S

You should have consumed them with gusto choc, they were full of YOUR broccoli.

Nam

Jimmy,
Just noticed your position in the champions league. Those virtual Icelandic holidays must be going down a treat. Or did you go short on the dwarfs?
Alan

Told you alan , midgets ,they love it !!