JOKE OF THE DAY

Specially for the STALKER - "Dill", now a LIAR also

"Dill" ran to his mummy who was working in the kitchen.

"Mummy Mummy the boy next door has a willy like a peanut"

"Do you mean it's small "son"

"No Mummy I mean it's salty"

XXX rated JOKES, only for over 18 year old

BLONDES

How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
She opens the car door!

How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
A brunette with bad breath!

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
1: She'd just dyed her hair.
2: She just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get screwed when they're on their back.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

----------

An Accountant Is Having A Hard Time Sleeping
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

---------------------

Accountants Short Jokes

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don't understand.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Why the accountant started smoking?
So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire.
So his medical expenses went above the 71/2% threshold.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he is talking to you instead of his own.

What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor.
I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.

How does an accountant stay out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.

-----------------

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad
bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts,
worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and
gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

--------------

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10.You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
213
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air

-----------------------

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.
> "I used some horrible language this week and feel
> absolutely terrible about it, said the
> nun."
> "When did you use this awful language?" asks the
> Mother Superior.
> "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that
> looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it
> struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway
> and fell straight down to the ground after going only
> about 100 yards."
> "Is that when you swore?'
> "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran
> out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and
> began to run away."
> "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior
> again.
> "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel
> was running, an eagle came down out of the sky,
> grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly
> away!"
> "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
> "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away
> in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel
> dropped my ball."
> "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming
> impatient.
> "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over
> the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped
> about a two feet from the hole."
> The two nuns were silent for a moment.
>
> Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the
> fuckin' putt, didn't you?"

-------------

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

---------------

Polly dont want crackers
The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is Hi, were prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"Thats awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom Ive taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priests house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, were prostitutes." say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close the Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"

--------------

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking
me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing
to them at funerals.

----------------

A man with a lot of money lazed about all day.
A man with little money asked if he could do the same.
The first man said certainly.
The poor man lazed around but because of this went bankrupt and starved.

Moral of the Story: To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

------------

See there was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.

There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.

There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.

There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.

There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.

So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and the mouse swipes the sandwhich. The blast from the hunters gun startled the cat, which jumped into the river.

The moral of the story is...... When the fly drops six inches the pussy gets wet.

------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bulls*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


-----------

MANHOOD
To all young Black men; to all fathers, mothers and sistahs locked
with young brothers who wear their pants on or below their butts;
here is a truth Afromerica thinks you should know about the sag
style. Prison inmate intimacy is the root.

From the mouth of a brother recently release from one of the
northeast most hardcore prisons comes this truth. No longer
concerned about his own dignity but more concerned about the dignity
and reputation of young Black men everywhere, this brother reveals
the secrets of prison intimacy among young men.

He tells us that when a new inmate has resorted to wearing the pants
of his blues around the middle of his butt, it is a prison message
for his manhood is ready for breaking, and when he wears it down
below his butt, he already belongs to someone inside.

The myth that this trend came from having belts confiscated from
inmates, which caused their pants to sag is not accurate, but have
only help further glamorize the image of prison apparel among today
's urban and suburban youth.

They believe it a "hard " image to portray among other youth in
the hood, never even having been behind bars. However, once the
truth gets out about the meaning of the sag, more youth should
reconsider how they wear their pants or the wrong message about
them will be taken.

Please pass this message along to someone you may know who has a
young son that wears their gear like so. Tell them they must
reconsider the trend and make an effort to change.
Their manhood is at stake

tabasco
Threads are for talking about the company, not for stalkers follow posters around
Try not to be a fool like "Dill" is my messsage.

Only trying to kidnap the thread, ( this thread was not use for some time )( he/she) had no interest on the company, never posted here before, only today for the STALKER case.

I sold last Year when the TREND change, as the STOCK market around the WORLD did much the same. I have rules and stop loss to follow if I want to conserve my money for better times like now.

GAP UP - Glosary

Gap - Up:
An up gap forms when a security opens above the previous period's high, remains above the previous high for the entire period and closes above it. Up gaps can form on daily, weekly or monthly charts and are generally considered bullish.

Gap Trading Strategies
Gap trading is a simple and disciplined approach to buying and shorting stocks. Essentially one finds stocks that have a price gap from the previous close and watches the first hour of trading to identify the trading range. Rising above that range signals a buy, and falling below it signals a short.

What is a Gap?
A gap is a change in price levels between the close and open of two consecutive days. Although most technical analysis manuals define the four types of gap patterns as Common, Breakaway, Continuation and Exhaustion, those labels are applied after the chart pattern is established. That is, the difference between any one type of gap from another is only distinguishable after the stock continues up or down in some fashion. Although those classifications are useful for a longer-term understanding of how a particular stock or sector reacts, they offer little guidance for trading.

For trading purposes, we define four basic types of gaps as follows:

A Full Gap Up occurs when the opening price is greater than yesterday's high price.

GAP UP occured on the last two month

Online prices are

premium for selling 7.95p ( offer 7.88p ) on large size 300K

full price for buying 8.28p in size 100K


Conclution: the same as the last few days, Market Makers are short of stock and paying premium for selling on large size

The JSP Annual Report is out and makes mixed reading, so any changes in sentiment should be here ( =Right Now) - and I don't see much buying.

Anyone going to the AGM? - later in February at 9.30 in London.

I'm not convinced these Execs are really interested in the long-term future and have little to offer in the short-term. If Markets don't turn ( which I doubt!), then JSP will struggle along under 10p - it's another Woolworths . . . ah, there's an idea!

"hangon " into your thoughts, but you have been proved wrong "WLW" inclusive

So far is looking like a "Hammer" could be the candlestick for today or maybe another DRAGONFLY DOJI

A HAMMER is the candlestick for the day

Bullish
Reversal

The Hammer --
This hammer marks a reversal off a bottom or off an important support level. On the day of the hammer, prices decline. They hit bottom and then rebound sharply, making up all the ground -- and sometimes more -- that they lost when the selloff started. The candle shows that buyers have now seized control. A bullish candlestick on the following day confirms this analysis.

The Slow Stochastick has reached TOP once again on the Cycle ( short) and prices are going and pointing on the way down.

butterflies being hit by hammers or eaten by dragonflies or trapped inside upsidedown teacups ...... at the end of the day, Jessops is a total load of rubbish and must assuredly be heading for the knaker's yard to join the likes of SEO and sundry others

hey easy.

thought it might be time for some sport as it is a quiet old monday!

Selected today the shares on the "UPS" thread .......

"UPS" (Added by Master RSI on Thu 13 Mar 11:12 am)
JSP - Mid 7.05p

Reason - Ready for the move up as the L2 is strong and buyers appeared today, after reaching lows yesterday. Indicators at oversold.

All buys so far today at "plus market" and also to noticed a large " block trade" NB 139K BUY

Trade Date	Trade Time	Price	Volume	Type	Consideration
13/03/2008	11:51:50	7.14	45,000	O	3,213.00
13/03/2008	11:37:35	7.10	10,000	O	709.90
13/03/2008	11:19:50	7.10	10,000	O	709.90
13/03/2008	11:10:27	7.07	25,000	O	1,767.50
13/03/2008	10:22:32	7.07	1,619	O	114.46
13/03/2008	10:09:56	7.07	10,000	O	707.00
13/03/2008	09:41:50	7.10	139,964	NB	9,937.44
13/03/2008	09:23:05	7.05	7,000	O	493.50
13/03/2008	08:20:20	7.03	20,000	O	1,406.00

This is a total disaster. Not a hope of maintaining shareholder value imo.

But still much better is what online are bidding now 300K at 7.02p, for only offereing 37K at full price 7.10p ( price 7 / 7.10p)

So premium for selling on big size, and paying full price for buying on smaller size

Market Makers want your stock

A very good finished with a BULLISH Candlestick....

Today's Candlestick:
WHITE CLOSING MARUBOZU
Type: Reversal/Continuation
Relevance: Bullish

Definition:
The White Closing Marubozu is a single candlestick pattern characterized by a long white body
with no upper shadow. This is an extremely strong bullish candlestick pattern.

You guys may be right, but I think it's studying the entrails - surely you have to look at the underlying business - ignore the flashy shops, website and so on -
This is a market in decline - the first flush of digital cameras is over. I bought one and it's out of date already - but until I need another there is nothing wrong with it. ( ie it goes). In the past I had two SLR's - one for colour and one for B&W, the lenses interchanged so I could do a host of subjects. However, the digital camera covers B&W and colour and I can edit the litter out, move things about etc. - so it's MUCH better than film.
But - here's the rub - if I saw a new model in Jessop's ad ( or in the shop window, not that I go there to have colour developed anymore!), I would be tempted to find an 0n-line price and try my luck to beat the price down.
- So, what pays for the Shops - the Rental, lighting, staff-costs? - it's a nightmare, compared with an On-Line business - and frankly that's what they should become - (massive brand, good prices and pick-up from a small outlet out-of-town that also supplies computer gear, printers, inks etc. etc.). I read (here) that sales have improved - but it is Profits that need watching, not sales!

I do not believe "photography" -(as practiced by JSP)- can support those retail outlets on wafer-thin margins - and now that mobile phones have cameras - where are the bulk-buyers that might take their photography to the next level? I don't believe current Management has enough "perception-drive" to do anything more than run the business until the Banks shut shop. Oh deary.
No, I don't see it improving, so I sold out at a small loss.

Studying sp Graphs is interesting, but I think there has to be some connection with the fundamental shopping-habits of customers.....

All those trades at plus market, were responsible for the 10980 trades at LSE

Trade Date	Trade Time	Price	Volume	Type	Consideration
19/03/2008	15:39:01	7.65	12,853	O	983.13
19/03/2008	15:30:46	7.56	15,000	O	1,134.15
19/03/2008	15:21:01	7.57	30,000	O	2,271.00
19/03/2008	15:11:49	7.57	10,000	O	757.00
19/03/2008	14:58:39	7.52	40,000	O	3,006.40
19/03/2008	13:13:12	7.32	6,266	O	458.61

Forgot to tell you earlier this morning, I selected the shares at the "UPS" thread........

"UPS" (Added by Master RSI on Wed 19 Mar 10:33 am)

JSP - Mid 6.98p
Reason - Yesterday's chart was signaling a posible double bottom on the chart, and the buy/sells were leveling, today a large buyer is entering the market and share price apreciating slowly, update of how the company is doing is expected soon

Last Wednesday update..........

PRE-CLOSE TRADING STATEMEN
26 March, 2008

Jessops plc will announce its interim results for the six months ending 30 March
2008 in May 2008. Prior to entering its closed period, the Group today issues a
trading statement.

Like for like sales for the 25 weeks to 22 March 2008 are down 5.1% with total
sales down 24.6% reflecting the closure of 81 stores last year. Product margin
is slightly ahead of the prior year as a result of the focused use of markdowns
together with the benefit of reduced stock levels.

Following the restructuring programme last year, the Board has taken further
actions to reduce the cost base and improve the efficiency of the business.
These will result in additional savings at Head Office, improved efficiency in
store staffing levels and reductions in our supply chain costs.

Good stock management has driven down stocks significantly. On 22 March 2008
total stocks were 29 million, compared to 34 million on 6 January 2008 and
51 million on 24 March, 2007.

The important summer trading period lies ahead and trading conditions remain
challenging, but the actions taken to reduce the cost base and stock levels
together with prudent margin management mean that the Board remains confident
that the business is on track to meet its expectations for the year ending 30
September 2008.

David Adams, Executive Chairman said:
"Our trading performance reflects the difficult and uncertain environment we
operate in and we continue to take actions to reduce the cost base of the
business. These actions plus the restructuring activity undertaken in the second
half of last year, which caused significant disruption to trading through store
closure and stock clearance, should benefit the business as we move into the
second half of this year. Our stock levels are significantly down on last year's
level. This has been achieved without affecting product availability.

"The second half of this year also sees the impact of significant amounts of new
and innovative products across the range.

"The Board remains confident that the Group is on the right track to build
sustainable profitability."