JOKE OF THE DAY

Specially for the STALKER - "Dill", now a LIAR also

"Dill" ran to his mummy who was working in the kitchen.

"Mummy Mummy the boy next door has a willy like a peanut"

"Do you mean it's small "son"

"No Mummy I mean it's salty"

XXX rated JOKES, only for over 18 year old

BLONDES

How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
She opens the car door!

How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
A brunette with bad breath!

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
1: She'd just dyed her hair.
2: She just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get screwed when they're on their back.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

----------

An Accountant Is Having A Hard Time Sleeping
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

---------------------

Accountants Short Jokes

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don't understand.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Why the accountant started smoking?
So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire.
So his medical expenses went above the 71/2% threshold.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he is talking to you instead of his own.

What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor.
I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.

How does an accountant stay out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.

-----------------

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad
bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts,
worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and
gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

--------------

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10.You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
213
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air

-----------------------

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.
> "I used some horrible language this week and feel
> absolutely terrible about it, said the
> nun."
> "When did you use this awful language?" asks the
> Mother Superior.
> "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that
> looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it
> struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway
> and fell straight down to the ground after going only
> about 100 yards."
> "Is that when you swore?'
> "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran
> out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and
> began to run away."
> "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior
> again.
> "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel
> was running, an eagle came down out of the sky,
> grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly
> away!"
> "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
> "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away
> in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel
> dropped my ball."
> "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming
> impatient.
> "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over
> the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped
> about a two feet from the hole."
> The two nuns were silent for a moment.
>
> Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the
> fuckin' putt, didn't you?"

-------------

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

---------------

Polly dont want crackers
The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is Hi, were prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"Thats awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom Ive taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priests house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, were prostitutes." say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close the Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"

--------------

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking
me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing
to them at funerals.

----------------

A man with a lot of money lazed about all day.
A man with little money asked if he could do the same.
The first man said certainly.
The poor man lazed around but because of this went bankrupt and starved.

Moral of the Story: To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

------------

See there was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.

There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.

There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.

There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.

There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.

So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and the mouse swipes the sandwhich. The blast from the hunters gun startled the cat, which jumped into the river.

The moral of the story is...... When the fly drops six inches the pussy gets wet.

------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bulls*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


-----------

MANHOOD
To all young Black men; to all fathers, mothers and sistahs locked
with young brothers who wear their pants on or below their butts;
here is a truth Afromerica thinks you should know about the sag
style. Prison inmate intimacy is the root.

From the mouth of a brother recently release from one of the
northeast most hardcore prisons comes this truth. No longer
concerned about his own dignity but more concerned about the dignity
and reputation of young Black men everywhere, this brother reveals
the secrets of prison intimacy among young men.

He tells us that when a new inmate has resorted to wearing the pants
of his blues around the middle of his butt, it is a prison message
for his manhood is ready for breaking, and when he wears it down
below his butt, he already belongs to someone inside.

The myth that this trend came from having belts confiscated from
inmates, which caused their pants to sag is not accurate, but have
only help further glamorize the image of prison apparel among today
's urban and suburban youth.

They believe it a "hard " image to portray among other youth in
the hood, never even having been behind bars. However, once the
truth gets out about the meaning of the sag, more youth should
reconsider how they wear their pants or the wrong message about
them will be taken.

Please pass this message along to someone you may know who has a
young son that wears their gear like so. Tell them they must
reconsider the trend and make an effort to change.
Their manhood is at stake

tabasco
Threads are for talking about the company, not for stalkers follow posters around
Try not to be a fool like "Dill" is my messsage.

Only trying to kidnap the thread, ( this thread was not use for some time )( he/she) had no interest on the company, never posted here before, only today for the STALKER case.

I sold last Year when the TREND change, as the STOCK market around the WORLD did much the same. I have rules and stop loss to follow if I want to conserve my money for better times like now.

CHARTS all types

5 days

3 month

5 days

3 month

Chart with Intrady data and BREAKING out at 8.35p

Glad to see a follow through this morning on the share price performance, and the BREAKOUT is stablished as a new trend for the UPTREND.

the trend on a 2 days chart

From The Times
Markets small cap
January 9, 2008 -

Jessops jumped 1.3p to 8.4p after unveiling better Christmas sales than had been feared. Panmure Gordons Christian Koefoed-Nielsen set a 30p price target, saying that the shares were a highly geared bet on the company not going into administration.

Different newspaper report after yesterday's Christmas update

THE TELEGRAPH

Jessops
The struggling photographic retailer said that like-for-like sales over Christmas were slightly higher than the year before.

While the company's total sales were 20.6pc lower during the crucial Christmas sales period - primarily due to the scheduled closure of 81 stores - like-for-like sales for the seven-week period to Sunday January 6 were 0.3pc ahead of the same period last year.

Despite a turbulent year involving a string of profit warnings, Jessops, which has been selling cameras since 1935, has been attempting to reinforce its position as the UK's leading digital camera specialist.

David Adams, executive chairman, said: "We were prepared for a tough Christmas trading environment and managed the business accordingly. Much work remains to be done to return the business to sustainable profitability and this performance over the key Christmas period is an encouraging step."

However, like-for-like sales for the 14 weeks from the start of the financial year on October 1, were down 4.7pc, with total sales down 24.4pc. Jessops shares closed up 1.3p at 8.4p.

THE INDEPENDENT

Jessops stems Christmas sales decline with better stock control
By Karen Attwood
The struggling photographic equipment retailer Jessops managed to stem the sales decline over the key Christmas period with better stock control and strong sales of digital single lens reflex cameras (DSLR).

The chain, which issued a series of profit warnings last year, reported a 0.3 per cent rise in like-for-like sales over the seven weeks to 6 January, compared with a fall of 7 per cent the previous year.

Jessops closed a quarter of its stores last year as it battled for survival amid fierce competition from online retailers which led to a stockpile of unsold cameras.

Better stock control this Christmas meant the group halved the value of products in its stores.

The executive chairman, David Adams, said: "We were prepared for a tough Christmas trading environment and managed the business accordingly."

However, the improved performance was not enough to offset earlier poor trading in the quarter, and like-for-like sales were down 4.7 per cent in the 14 weeks to 6 January. Total sales plunged almost 25 per cent.

Mr Adams, who was brought in last spring to help turn around the fortunes of the group, added: "Much work remains to be done to return the business to sustainable profitability and this performance over the key Christmas period is an encouraging step."

Jessops has yet to appoint a replacement for the chief executive Chris Langley, who left in September.

THE SCOTSMAN

"Jessops shows signs of a developing recovery", is the view from over the border:

" JESSOPS, the photographic chain which is battling online sales and supermarket competition, brought some welcome relief to the high street yesterday after sales turned positive over the festive period.
Investors snapped up shares in the embattled retailer after it reported a like-for-like gain of 0.3 per cent in the seven weeks to 6 January.

The figure, which strips out the recent closure of 81 stores, helped peg the sales decline for the first 14 weeks of the new financial year at 4.7 per cent.

A tighter control of costs saw the group sitting with stock worth £34 million as of last Sunday – almost half the level reported a year earlier when they peaked at £62m.

The recovery in trading and reduction in stock levels follow a dreadful 2007, when the company issued a string of profit warnings and was left nursing annual losses of almost £70m.

Last summer, Jessops unveiled plans to close 81 stores – about a quarter of its UK portfolio – including eight in Scotland, in a bid to slash costs amid tumbling hardware prices and competition from supermarkets and internet stores.

The move has resulted in the loss of more than 500 jobs.

Jessops is expected to slash its pre-tax losses to about £2m in the current financial year. Shares yesterday recovered 1.3p to stand at 8.4p."

Ok I`ll join you here as well as you seem to be alone.

Nice rise again today.

Back where you started.

The "candlestick" finish today >>>>> DRAGONFLY DOJI is a reversal signal on a short term downtrend.

BULLISH DRAGONFLY DOJI
Type: Reversal
Relevance: Bullish
Prior Trend: Bearish
Reliability: Medium
Confirmation: Suggested

Definition:
The Bullish Dragonfly Doji Pattern is a single candlestick pattern that occurs at the bottom of a trend or during a downtrend. The Bullish Dragonfly Doji Pattern is very similar to the Bullish Hammer Pattern mentioned above. The distinction between the two is if there is a body or not. In case of Bullish Dragonfly Doji Pattern, the opening and closing prices are identical and there is no body. On the other hand the Bullish Hammer Pattern has a small real body at the upper end of the trading range.

Recognition Criteria:
1. There is an overall downtrend in the market.
2. Then we see a Doji at the upper end of the trading range.
3. The doji has an extremely long lower shadow.
4. However the doji does not have any upper shadow.

Explanation:
The market is in an overall bearish mood characterized by a downtrend. Then market opens and sells off sharply. However, the sell-off is suddenly abated and the prices reverse direction and start going up for the rest of the day closing at or near the days high thus leading to the long lower shadow. The failure of the market to continue in the selling side reduces the bearish sentiment. Now the shorts are increasingly uneasy with their bearish positions. If the market opens higher next day, many shorts will have a strong incentive to cover their short positions.

Important Factors:
The Bullish Dragonfly Doji Pattern is a more bullish signal than a Bullish Hammer Pattern. Its reliability is also higher than the Bullish Hammer Pattern.

However, a confirmation of the trend reversal implied by this pattern by either a white candlestick, a large gap up or a higher close on the next trading day is still suggested, to be on the safe side.

Moving higher this morning, as the reversal predicted on the chart yesterday is taking place.
Most trades are done at "Plus Market " not LSE

price now 7.42 / 7.70p +0.28p ( YESTERDAY 7.10 / 7.50p )

Link ... Plus Market

WELL WELL the "AT" eventualy have done their job and taken a few offer prices away ( 7.56p 7.60p and 7.64p to the 7.65p now and the sizes were large the last ones )

Slowly moving higher
Candlestick for today a WHITE MARUBOZU

Type: Reversal/Continuation
Relevance: Bullish

It's not surprising like-for-like sales were up (over Christmas), since some of the stores "competed" with each-other. However, the fact is that sales are down, in part due to selling-off older and lower-spec cameras which was "written-off" in the accounts conveniently. This and closure costs means there is no dividend....

The situation is slightly worse I fear, as those discounted cameras are dropping expectations and new models tend to lower prices as manufacturers are attempting to draw buyers to their systems. Meanwhile we are being told things are getting better and - blah, blah, - don't you know.



Anyone for the Febuary AGM?

- In London - persumably so the City can watch them, but it's at 9.30 AM. so I doubt many shareholders will turn up. Such a pity companies are allowed to set the time and place of meetings - bad show IMHO.

Today's candlestick = WHITE CLOSING MARUBOZU

Bullish
Reversal / Continuation

It is one of the strongest candles
Like all large candles tell us that the buyers were strongly committed throughout the day.


The White Closing Marubozu is a single candlestick pattern and is made up of a long white body with a shadow on the open and no shadow on the closing end of the body, hence the name "Closing Marubozu". This is an extremely strong bullish candlestick pattern. When a White Closing Marubozu day pattern occurs, the day opens and trades lower then rallies past the open and continues to trade up all day closing at the high of the day. The bulls are in full force, and this rally would cause the bears some concern to a degree that they may start covering their short positions, which just strengthens the rally

a buyer of JSP should be committed!
even today's tick upwards was on pathetic volumes and did not even cover the spread

I think someone is being "cynic"

Because the volume is mosly done at "Plus Market " today 189K

Do not throw stones if you live in glass houses - they say

Plus trades
Trade Date Trade Time Price Volume Type Consideration
30/01/2008 16:21:17 7.87 20,207 O 1,590.70
30/01/2008 16:14:28 7.94 17,755 O 1,408.86
30/01/2008 16:14:18 7.94 10,000 O 793.50
30/01/2008 16:02:53 7.94 6,747 O 535.37
30/01/2008 15:50:46 7.94 5,000 O 396.75
30/01/2008 15:29:00 7.94 12,602 O 999.97
30/01/2008 15:15:13 7.90 50,000 O 3,950.00
30/01/2008 13:27:32 7.62 50,011 O 3,810.84
30/01/2008 11:14:49 7.70 7,590 O 584.05
30/01/2008 10:37:58 7.45 2,000 O 149.06

A positive start of the day as an early AT has taken out the offer 8.20p but next one is pretty close 8.21p lower at 8.16am.
Nevertheless the bid has move higher to 7.80p with 50K and now 7.85p

The higher price, looks good on the chart as it has created a GAP

GAP UP - Glosary

Gap - Up:
An up gap forms when a security opens above the previous period's high, remains above the previous high for the entire period and closes above it. Up gaps can form on daily, weekly or monthly charts and are generally considered bullish.

Gap Trading Strategies
Gap trading is a simple and disciplined approach to buying and shorting stocks. Essentially one finds stocks that have a price gap from the previous close and watches the first hour of trading to identify the trading range. Rising above that range signals a buy, and falling below it signals a short.

What is a Gap?
A gap is a change in price levels between the close and open of two consecutive days. Although most technical analysis manuals define the four types of gap patterns as Common, Breakaway, Continuation and Exhaustion, those labels are applied after the chart pattern is established. That is, the difference between any one type of gap from another is only distinguishable after the stock continues up or down in some fashion. Although those classifications are useful for a longer-term understanding of how a particular stock or sector reacts, they offer little guidance for trading.

For trading purposes, we define four basic types of gaps as follows:

A Full Gap Up occurs when the opening price is greater than yesterday's high price.

GAP UP occured on the last two month

Online prices are

premium for selling 7.95p ( offer 7.88p ) on large size 300K

full price for buying 8.28p in size 100K


Conclution: the same as the last few days, Market Makers are short of stock and paying premium for selling on large size

The JSP Annual Report is out and makes mixed reading, so any changes in sentiment should be here ( =Right Now) - and I don't see much buying.

Anyone going to the AGM? - later in February at 9.30 in London.

I'm not convinced these Execs are really interested in the long-term future and have little to offer in the short-term. If Markets don't turn ( which I doubt!), then JSP will struggle along under 10p - it's another Woolworths . . . ah, there's an idea!