Who doesn't want to see Jeremy Corbyn elected? It would be a glorious six-day reign
Frankie Boyle
Corbyn sounds like a dreadful town, dresses like a catalogue model for the Sue Ryder shop and won’t look significantly different when he’s been dead for a week. It took him so long to bring out his reshuffle statement that people were counting his milk bottles. The Tories have been offering us a cocktail of incompetence and malice and Labour haven’t done anything to draw attention to it. It’s been like watching Mesut Özil drop perfect crosses on to the head of an increasingly frustrated Stephen Hawking. Even Labour MPs must secretly wish they could stop knocking Corbyn and focus their attack on their real enemy, the party membership.
And yet, who doesn’t want to see Corbyn elected? Can you think of anything more ridiculous than a man of principle being inexplicably elected to high office? It’ll be like a Peter Sellers movie. Sure, he’ll be crushed under the heel of international finance, but I for one look forward to his glorious six-day premiership. His brief reign will be a high point for modern Britain, a time that we will commemorate every year by leaving ironic poppies balanced on the lip of the missile crater where his house used to be, a time we will reminisce about fondly during the five-minute socialisation breaks when they lower the dividing walls between our work cubes.
This weekend’s interview with Andrew Marr was, at least, refreshingly straightforward. Corbyn said he’d like to see talks with Isis. Almost immediately the shadow chancellor said he couldn’t imagine anyone having talks with Isis. I applaud Corbyn’s aims but at this stage I’d like to see him open up a back channel of communication with his shadow cabinet. He said he’d keep Trident, but get rid of the nuclear warheads. This is classic Corbyn. He’s using his experience from the allotment and what he’s saying is, let’s put the nuclear weapons in the shed. He’s not throwing them out, and he’s not giving them away. He’s putting them in a cardboard box, and sticking them on the top shelf. We know where they are if we need them, but also they’re up high, so no one’s going to stumble across them and get hurt. He added that he “cannot see circumstances where you would use nuclear weapons”. Might I suggest that he tunes into Lip Sync Battle on Channel 5.
There’s been a thread of coverage implying that Corbyn is a decent guy but he clearly doesn’t understand how the world works. Ignoring the fact that for the majority of people, it doesn’t. Corbyn is in a unique position: he knows that the media is trying to portray him as slightly mad, but can’t mention this without sounding completely insane. Coverage is undoubtedly biased. Take, for example, the recent reshuffle, which forced the media to conclude that he was both weak and ruthless. Corbyn hiring more women than men was ignored, whereas Cameron hiring a one-third female cabinet was hailed as a triumph for feminism. In any case, feeling good about ourselves simply for allowing some kind of plurality in public life probably means that we’re a fairly dreadful country. Canada has just appointed a cabinet 50% female with indigenous, Sikh and disabled members. And that’s Canada, a country with all the daring forward-thinking of a defrosting lasagne.
The rest is here
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jan/19/frankie-boyle-jeremy-corbyn-elected-destroyed-murdoch