CLOSED - THANKS to all customers for the last few years

Just nipped to the lav., went the wrong way at first as I'd not been here before; found myself in a cellar full of bats.











Do you have a cricket team??

Dont drink Guinness gives me a white nose..Id like a SHIRLEY TEMPLE (non-alcoholic)SEX ON THE BEACH ALABAMA SLAMMER SNOW JOBBULL SHOTORGASMand an ANGEL'S KISS.if not a cuppa tea will be fine.

I know the mad axe- man is about!

It's a cuppa then cos I haven't got a clue how to make any of those others LOL

I've given up the booze bunny, going back to the gym for a new shape.

Oh I see, well I stand corrected then. Good luck with it K and treat yourself to the odd glass of red wine, it's good for you :>)
Ok I'm off, sees you all tomorrow, last one out lock up please.

Oh, just nipped to the loo and by the time I get back everyone's gone! Oh well, off home then; maybe I'll call in for FEB in the morning, not cooked by me of course. OK, out I go. Hang on, door seems to be jammed. Oh no! it's locked! Excuse me, yes you outside! I'm locked in, can you help?
Not sure what he meant by that; "I'll be a couple of minutes" I suppose he was saying.

2 Pints of Guinness please and a packet of salted peanuts

Sh*t! Where did you come from?! Erm, I'm only a customer and I'm locked in, but I'll have a scrounge around for Guinness & peanuts. Um, err, aren't you the owner of this Coffee House? If it's a complaint about the door handle, or the (small) fire in the kitchen, and um, what happened to the chilli sauce........it was all an accident. You haven't got the key to the axe cupboard have you??

zzz zzz zzz zzz axe! AXE!

Gulp!

Must of been a dream............zzz zzz zzz zzz zzzz

Can't believe I'm going to have to spend all night hiding under this table. No idea how I'm going to explain to my wife where I've been all night. Still, she's very understanding; often says "you stay out as long as you like love, just let me know half an hour before you are due back home. I expect that's so she can put my slippers out ready for me and brew my mug of horlicks - wonderful, isn't she?!

KEAYDIAN, I forgot to put the axe away its in the hammock, could you lock it up and put the key in the normal place before you leave?

Kim, she sounds very undertanding, i hope you always forget to give her that hours notice ;-)

.

Spaceman, yes I did once! It was lucky really, I phoned my wife 5 minutes before I got back home and when I got there I went through the back gate; the milkman was just coming down the path, he'd been to collect his money but couldn't get a reply apparently, so he thought maybe there was someone round the back of the house. We had a bit of a laugh, 'cos his shorts looked just like my boxers! Anyway I paid him and he went off pretty sharpish, well it was winter so I expect he was feeling the cold a bit as he was in his shorts, part of the new uniform he said, I felt a bit sorry for him really. My wife was in bed when I got in, she was very flushed and obviously suffering some sort of fever so I made a meal, gave her plenty of liquids and paracetemol. She said I would be wise to sleep in the spare room, so I wouldn't catch her virus. She's had it for 5 years now, I feel really sorry for her and look forward to the day when she finally shakes it off so that we can sleep together again. Hey, and what a fantastic milkman we have!, with no thought for his own health, he visits my wife every day, often when I'm not there to make him a cup of tea; brings a tear to my eye when I see such selflessness!

Oh no, I think Keaydian is waking up, I can see the axe leaning against a table leg :o(

zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz

Kim, your lucky tohave such an understanding milkman as well.

Morning all, its dull and gray in Hastings ;-(

G'morning. Yes, aren't milkmen brilliant?; he's just volunteered to make my wife a cuppa so that I could come here for a quick FEB! Kindness like that is hard to find these days.

Erm, where's the axe gone?

zzz zzz zzz zzz axe! AXE!

AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!