Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Up your's ..... lol

The Banking Crisis simply explained...

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for 100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'

Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'

Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'


Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.


I sold 500 tickets at two euro apiece and made a profit of 898'


The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.

So I gave him his two euros back.'

Paddy is now a manager with the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Is that a true story ?

This is me,

Excellent laugh to start the day off.

Aldwickk,

I wish you wouldn't post such comments. I was sure it was a joke when I first read it. After seeing your post I'm now not so sure.

If you want some good laughs re the banking system, look at Bird and Fortune, http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUK367&q=bird+%26+fortune+subprime+crisis&aq=0&aqi=g1&aql=&oq=Bird+%26+Fortune+&gs_rfai=

Greekman

I was joking

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 blokes then dropped the mike on his foot & said "Fuck me".
What happened next will haunt me forever.

Good one Bos , i like those one liner's

Aldwickk,

I did realise, honest.

Here are two videos of snow on a steep bank at the seaside near where I live. The first one is of someone losing control of their car and having an accident on a steep hill - and it is seriously difficult to negotiate this hill.

Car crash Saltburn bank

The second one shows how a bus driver managed the bank - you can see the car from the earlier accident later in the video:

How to get up Saltburn bank

Anyone out there know a good cool B/B in Qatar for 2022? -):

Cameron fails to get the World Cup.

Another foot forward and two back.

Who needs catarrh anyhow?

Find everything you need to know about Catarrh including causes, symptoms, diagnosis and treatment, with links to other useful resources:

Usually found in the nose or throat but can also occur in other places

.

The Spainish show how it should be done!

Hi This is me,

This bloke got what he deserved. He won't do that again.
When I was in a Tactical Unit, we were instructed that, 'Under no circumstances were we to use a 'stinger' device on a 2 wheeled vehicle, due to the probability of causing injury/death to the rider nor should we ram a 2 wheeled vehicle. When I queried this, giving a scenario of.....A person who has committed a shooting, killing several people, gets away on a motorcycle. He rides down the road, continuing his killing spree, (say similar to the Cumbria shooting 12 dead) surely we would be able to use the stinger.
I was told that as Home Office Rules stated, under no circumstances, that means under no circumstances.
After in a unit discussion, I told my team that if the circumstances required it, I would not hesitate in using whatever means I felt were required. If a stinger or/and pulling a car across a 2 wheel vehicles path was Minimum Force, thats what I would use.
Most top bosses who I worked with were wimps who towed the political/correct line, whilst many lower ranking bosses who could not get further in their careers had bottle.
It is the same in the Armed Forces. That is often why those with bottle who get on with the job, very rarely gain a high promotion, leaving the 'Yes' men to reach the dizzy heights of command.
Some of the best 'ground' leaders I have ever worked with were turned down for promotion, because they, Thought for themselves, putting the general publics safety/wellbeing without thinking, Will this effect my promotion prospects.

It seems a pity that some intellectuals retire.

Must be a relief for some others.

So David Chaytor has after fighting and failing to show he had parliamentary privilege, has pleaded guilty to 3 charges of false accounting. He also flipped houses several times to claim thousands of pound of our money, something not illegal, but obviously a gray train for our MP's.
And why should he have been entitled to legal aid, at the level that he was represented.
He has already paid some of his expenses back. His representative has stated that, he will pay the remainder back by Jan 7th, the date of his sentencing. Why is he delaying it till then, surely he should pay it back now. He has the (our) money.
What a chance for some good newspaper headlines.

I will start some off....
How about David the (Cheater) Chaytor, pleads guilty.
Or Flipping (heck) Chaytor pleads guilty.
Or Cheating Chaytor, pleads guilty.

Any other suggestions. Perhaps we can have a vote between us for the best headline.

He was also claiming mortgage payments for a mortgage that had been paid off. Plus he was claiming for rent on his own owned house and his mother's house out of London. A crook by any measure.

Chaylor committed a criminal offence and rightly paying the price.

There are many in all three parties who have committed amoral and dishonourable claims and seemed to have escaped from being charged with criminal offence.

In amongst those are, in my opinion, are Cameron claiming for pruning of a Wisteria and Osborne for Taxi expenses etc..

That is not including other MPS claiming horrendous living expenses in London.

Any others doing similar and working in business or making false claims from a company would have been prosecuted.

Paying back what you have stolen does not seem an adequate punishment for those in "public service".

But corruption carries and seemingly cordoned by some of the ruling elite.

They don't even blush when they are exposed.