Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Just a few ideas that the coalition might wish to consider.

1 The old people and crime problem.

OAP's who need long term care.

Put them in jail, then they would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd also receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel
chairs etc. They'd have constant video monitoring so if assistance was needed
they'd have immediate help. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all
clothing would be washed and ironed as needed. There would be a guard to
check on them every 20 minutes and staff to bring their meals and snacks to
their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling,
pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on
request.

There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor
yard, with gardens for anyone who felt the need to exercise.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls and there
would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and all guards would have a
code of conduct that would have to be strictly adhered to.

Criminals.

Put them in Care homes.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised day
and night (the unsupervised bit is bit like open prisons anyway). Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week; live in a tiny room and pay 600.00 per week or more without any hope of ever getting out.

2 Illegal immigration problem.



COWS (yes there is a point here, so please read on)

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad
cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three
years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of
Cumbria? And, they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls. But
they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our
country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow.

And another thing.
Relgious freedom.

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a
courthouse or Parliament, is this -

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery'
and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.

Also;

Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of
offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old
folk of Britain to speak up!

_____

.

If you give each illegal immigrant a cow, they would either,eat it,sell it, or send it home. Which ever way they choose to loose the cow, we the tax payers would be coughing up 125000 cows.Nope better to make them legal so that eventually they end up in one of our care homes!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????

.

Damn Beebusy,

I knew there would be someone finding a flaw in my 'I have a cunning Baldrick plan'.

I will though give your alternative suggestion (Nope better to make them legal so that eventually they end up in one of our care homes) some thought.

Perhaps we could set up a coalition.
Mind you, I refuse to play the part of Nick Clegg!

Note.....From the English Dictionary.

Clegg

noun

A large swift fly the female of which sucks the blood of various animals [syn: horsefly]

I wonder what the male of the species does.

A worthwhile listen.

http://kingworldnews.com/kingworldnews/Broadcast/Entries/2011/4/20_James_Turk_files/James%20Turk%204%3A20%3A2011.mp3

Its been reported that the good old USA has destroyed their middle classes with taxation and easy credit.All the keeping up by using plastic brought the downfall of an entire social strata. So now they are left with the rich and the poor. The rich will get richer and of course the poor will without doubt get poorer. As the gulf between the two widens there will no doubt be social unrest. The america system being what it is lives will be lost and before you can say "make my day punk" the whole durn shebang will collapse. It happened to the Roman Empire. The French Revolution came about by the rich eating all the cake!!! We brits have had our day but just dont know it. A sad situation brought about by fighting two world wars and a need for peace and to be left alone to tend our allotments. Unfortunately,our leaders did not see it that way and sallied forth to put down any sign of rebellion at the drop of a hat. Its an unpalatable truth that along the way we have made quite a few enemies. Its also true that we also brought about a lot of change for the better.And again true that we continue to give aid which we cannot afford.The fundamental fact that unless we pull together as a world population we are doomed seems lost by the majority of earths inhabitants. Still at my tender age I can afford to sit back and watch the proceedings with intrest unless of course I am condemed to one of those afore mentioned nursing homes with no telly??????????? Salut mon amies.

Hmmm? I think what we need is a Royal Wedding...............

Yeah! Let's hear it for a Royal Wedding!

Not an anti royalist, but that was far more entertaining than the real McCoy will be.

Excellent. I really hope that the royal family tune into that one.

Good to see the GDP is as George expected.

Lower than 9 and 6 months ago.

Value of pound down.

Mind he has noticed that there is world wide problem to blame.

Pity that Thatcher strangled and then destroyed the heavy industry.

George is doing well in comparison.

http://www.britishpathe.com/record.php?id=82468=82468

Saddened to learn of the death of Sevvy this morning losing a long battle against a brain tumour. His style of golf, individual victories and his prescence in the Ryder Cup teams will live long in the memory. Great Golfing Legend, nice guy and a gent.

Seve just never gave up, his energy and enthusiasm knew no bounds and he became and lived the life, which was that of a true champion and legend!

I think he will be a great inspiration for lots of young sportsmen everywhere around the world, particularly those who are involved in golf.

Thanks for doing such a damn fine job of entertaining me too, Seve. :-)

Another success story!

(Reuters) - The economy will struggle to gather pace after a sluggish start to this year and the recovery looks set to be much weaker than after previous recessions, a key business lobby group (CBI) said on Monday.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2011/05/09/uk-britain-cbi-idUKTRE7480SZ20110509?feedType=nl&feedName=ukdailyinvestor

Happy Days are here again.

Thanks Dave and Georgie boys

"The Bank of England will downgrade Britain's economic growth forecast this week, confirming that the recovery is stalling as the Government's austerity measures take their toll. The central bank is expected to follow the consensus by revising down its figures in its quarterly Inflation Report on Wednesday, reports the Telegraph. "

Q. What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?
A. Amhere

Q. What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?
A. Amhere Azwel

Q. What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?
A. Amhere Azwell Azhim


What's the name of the top karaoke performer in India?

Gurupta Singh.

Seems Cameron and Osborne's policies are showing signs of economic growth, or was that inflation.

Inflation, plus devaluation of sterling, without growth fascination.

Just come back from the club where I asked a few business friends with tory leaning. about the "Government of Reversal" and got the response, that the cabinet was a group of economically naive L.Bs.

I asked if they meant little boys, but was assured that is not what they meant.

Mind, with the cost of food going up and cost of cooking it, eating out
will a government method of weight reduction.

Every cloud could have a silver lining.

The silver lining is that we don't have the two Eds running the show in which case things would be a lot worse.

The problem is that you have two political naive spivs failing to run the economy.

What is you guess on sterling devaluing even more.