Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Ouch! Mum felt her pelvis crack as she had baby.

Druggies in Yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject ecstasy directly into their mouths. This dangerous practice is known as "E by gum".

Strange when the PM looks more like the leader of the opposition than Ed..

Again probably preparing for an U-turn.

.

Just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

.

How long can Milliband stay leader of the opposition? His popularity seems to be sinking in his party. Every time I see him on TV seems to be getting more and more slimy. He seems to have given up on ideas and just spends his time trying to score points.

Beware of The False Widow Spider



A deadly spider related to the Black Widow is spreading across Britain because of climate change, experts have warned.

The False Widow, a purple and black creature with a body the size of a 1p piece, is said to carry enough venom to kill a human.

Since arriving in Devon from the Canary Islands, the spider has established colonies in Devon, Dorset and Cornwall.

The spiders do not usually survive in colder parts of the UK, but a series of mild winters have led them to migrate to other areas.

Spider recorder David Haigh, of Cheltenham, has reported sightings of the species in Gloucestershire and Wiltshire. One was in a shed in Tewkesbury and the other was spotted in Longney, he said.

The False Widow is one of 12 arachnid species known to bite humans in the UK.

In January, Lyn Mitchell became critically ill after she was bitten by one of the creatures while in bed at her home in Egremont, west Cumbria. Ms Mitchell, 52, suffered a serious allergic reaction to the bite and was rushed to hospital.

"I jumped out of bed, pulled the duvet and sheets back and saw a spider running over the other side," she said at the time. "It was only tiny, black and shiny, and it ran so quickly. When I looked down I noticed two little pin marks on my chest."

The False Widow first started to arrive in banana shipments from the Spanish islands about 140 years ago.

Its bite is not deadly but can cause swelling and severe pain.

So BEWARE! You have now been told!

Exec,

The home secretary is not a widow. But I keep on thinking Cruella has reappeared.

Thank goodness I haven't any Dalmatians.


======


Hays,

Not very long at my guess, he is already proposing policies that Cameron is voting for them.


Cameron gone in 3/12?
============

Hays,

What do you give the man who has everything?.................... a shot of penicillin.

.

Why? you been bitten MN?

Love the funeral story.

Here's another..

A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

I'm sure you can all picture it now. What an emotional, fitting and incredibly eminently suitable sight to behold. But at that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter!

With all eyes staring at him, he said, "I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.......

......Im a gynaecologist."

I researched the anti-venom question: Negative result.

An Anti-Hystamine pill in the first instance would probably be a good idea with an antiseptic cream and maybe a dressing too, to the wound site. Then keep an eye out for any symptoms or reactions developing, eg, chest pains or nervous system problems, such as tremors.

If any occur - a visit to A&E at the nearest hospital is probably the best thing to do.

At my age, I would just pour myself a larger than usual brandy and leave the bottle in easy reach.

It would be a pity to leave it behind.

Your not off upstairs yet are you?

Fred
Cameron will be PM even after the next election.

Conservatives in for the next 15 yrs I say.

A few Con artists in jail for the next 15 yrs more like it.

Are you pleased with the state of the country today. State debt, personal debt.
We are in far more mess then we should be due to the labour spend, spend merchants.