Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Without going into too much detail, I once attended an accident where a car had left the road, ploughing into a bar type fence.
The angle of the crash caused a broken piece of fence about 4"x4" to enter the front of the car and then the upper intestine area of the male driver about a third of the way from the outer edge of his waist area, going completely through in-bedding itself in the drivers seat.
The victim was taken to hospital still seated in the drivers seat after the seat was cut out of the car.
To save the patient they had to open him up from the side, sort of creating a hinge effect. They then bent him over sideways opening a gap so that they could remove the wooded rail.
The could not just pull the rail out as it would have caused such colossal damage it would have been fatal, IE re damaging the area that it had damaged on the way in.
Its the same as pulling a knife out, it does more damage than the initial entry wound.
If I had not seen about this first hand (the accident, not the operation of course), I would not have believed it possible.
I know he lived to walk again, and he was still alive 3 years later.
He could still be alive today, although I don't know.

That was about 10 years ago.

There was a training video made of the accident scene, recovery and operation.
I witnessed many accident hardened colleagues who turned a funny shade of pale.

Please Greekman do not let me go into the ins and outs of Policing I could write a book. You just mentioned hardened colleagues who turned a funny share of pale I have experienced Bobbys vommiting over the sight of blue bottles.

3 monkies - Go on fill your boots,please enlighten us on the ins and outs of Policing! You sound like a hardened mortician? do tell.....

There is nothing hard about me CC probably seen too much and would certainly not be putting it in writing. Good Night.

I once had a morning appointment broken at a potential customer's home. However, the guy did come to the door and explain how he had been up all night and had just forgotten to ring me to postpone because he was still asleep and then how now, he just didn't feel like discussing business at all." He kindly asked if I could come back the following day at the same time. Thus, with the signs of some business so strongly favourable and so obviously forthcoming, I duly agreed to reappoint as he suggested.

The following day arrived - and so did I.

My customer went on to explain how he was a Traffic Cop and had, during the previous night, attended the scene of an accident where an articulated lorry had backed out onto a main road at Outlane, which is just outside Huddersfield on the A62 and in between Huddersfield and Rochdale, and had been consequently hit by a car coming along the main road.

Apparently, a couple had beeen driving along in a car at about 2am and had not seen the lorry, which was 'sideways on to the road' when the collision happened.

The driver of the car and his passenger too, both ended up with 'decapitations' as they smashed into and went under the unlit trailer of the artic'.

Not only had the cop had to deal with the accident and take all the measurements and particulars and deal with the clearing up and the rest of it, but he had also had to go on to Rochdale to knock on the door of the house where the lady passenger's home was and tell her, now widower husband, of the circumstances of the accident and of the death of his, obviously unfaithful, lady wife.

Next he had to go back to Huddersfield and tell the driver's wife of the circumstances of the accident and of the death of her obviously unfaithful husband.

Apparently, the widow had absolutely no idea of the infidelity of her husband and so my client had to give her 'double dose of bad news', just like he had done back in Rochdale.

What an absolutely terrible night's work for a traffic cop, eh?

Oh, and yes, I did get the order from him, as I suspected I would. The indications had been so strong, that he really needed what I was selling him.

I often wondered afterwards, as to whether I got my order because I had been so shocked and sympathetic to his story and the horrible requirements of his job?

How your fridge works (so that you can better understand how to mend it when it goes wrong)

This is the brave new world of the EU!!!



Pythagorean theorem: ...........................................24 words.

Lord's prayer:....................................................... 66 words.

Archimedes' Principle: ........................................... 67 words.

10 Commandments: ............................................ 179 words.

Gettysburg address: ............................................ 286 words.

US Declaration of Independence : .................... 1,300 words.

US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: .......... 7,818 words.

EU regulations on the sale of cabbage:....... 26,911 words.


SORT OF PUTS THINGS INTO PROPER PERSPECTIVE, DOESN'T IT?

Execline.

Thats all well and good, but nowhere does it explain how to check if the switch that puts the light out when you shut the door is working correctly.
Its obviously easy to check if it comes on when you open the door, but how do you check if it goes out when you shut it.

Skinny,

Perhaps the EU could help with the above query re fridge light problem.
I wonder how many words they would need.

Greek.

.

Greek.
The activating button is usually fairly obvious.
The button on my fridge sometimes sticks in the off
position and I have to press and release it to make
the light come on.
Apologies for taking you seriously :-)

Can you believe Mr Ben here!


and the answer is here. :-))

To all,

I am glad no one took me 100% seriously.

Greek.

I wonder in how many other towns in the UK is the following happening?

Survey reveals upturn in Northampton town centre as number of empty shops decreases

By Wayne Bontoft
Friday 2 September 2011 07:34

FOR THE first time since the depths of the recession, the number of shops which are standing empty in Northampton town centre has decreased.

Every year, the Chronicle & Echo carries out a health check of the town centre to see how many shops are trading and how many are vacant.

In 2009, there were 76 empty shops in the town centre. That number was repeated last year as business leaders felt the impact of the global economic crisis.

But the Chrons latest survey, which was completed yesterday, shows there are now just 69 empty shops in the town and a number of those are currently being fitted out for new businesses.

Business expert, Neil Bartholomey, is the deputy chairman of Northampton Town Centre Ltd, a group set up to improve the town centre.

He said the Chrons survey showed the town was improving and argued it was performing much better than many other parts of the country.

He said: I think things are certainly looking up. The town centre is looking a lot better and more people are coming into town to shop, so people feel a lot more positive about opening businesses.

Wed like to cut the number of empty shops down to less than 50 over the next three or four years. But of course our ambition is not to have any closed shops at all and an environment where businesses feel that if theyre not in Northampton theyre missing out. Hopefully were starting to get that message across now.

The overall percentage of empty shops in Northampton stood at 16 per cent in both 2009 and 2010. It has now dropped to 15 per cent, meaning the town has seen an overall increase of seven new businesses over the past year.

While that growth has seen a number of big new shops open, such as Tesco in Abington Street and Costa Coffee in the Grosvenor Centre, a number of businesses have also either closed or moved into smaller premises, such as Churchs China, which has moved from St Giles Street to The Ridings.

A major investment has also been made in Peacock Place, which is now known as Market Walk and has a focus on fashion.

Despite the centre still having 40 per cent of its shops empty, the centres owners have said they are positive more of their empty units will be filled over the coming months.

A spokesman for the centre said: Were incredibly happy with the way the re-branding has progressed, giving Market Walk a fresh new look and feel.

The centres occupancy is also rising, with a large number of positive new enquiries for the remaining units.

BEST COME BACK LINE EVER


In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

On Monday, at the courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop...

"You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one
around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" He stated in an interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose; cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ..

I said, Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said... A pumpkin? Shit ..... is it midnight already?

This was in the Washington Post...the title of the article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."

.

I'm just the 'cut n paster' :-)

.

Puts a new meaning into Pumpkin Pie.

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How very true.

And how ridiculously sad that we are being so stupidly altruistic we are ignoring all the common sense attached to most of the issues.

It is my humble opinion, that the main beneficiaries from this type of stuff are the members of the legal profession, who have a massive personal interest in retaining their extremely financially rewarding status quo.

'Just apply for legal aid'

!!!!