Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

MightyMicro

Are you saying Fred is a Dumpty ?

I see F*** is still the main topic of conversation here!
Pity.

World's Shortest Fairy Tale


Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
the girl said NO!
And the guy lived happily ever after and
rode motorcycles,, went fishing, sailed boats,
hunted, played golf a lot, drank beer and whiskey
and had money in the Bank and left the toilet seat up
and farted whenever he wanted to.
THE END.

Skinny,

Ah if only I had been that guy.

WHY.

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try?

How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart, then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right"? Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

And the latest.

Why are government trying to persuade us to pay off our debts AND spend, and HOW are we going to do this with less money.
Also why is further debt bad for us and yet is good for governments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGnifTXHQOs&sns=em

DID THE QE2 USED TO BE A SHIP THERE HIS TWO AIDS AND FOOD AID GOT 1987 IN MY UK NHS NUMBER ODD WITH 42 TURNED INTO 24 6 TIMES TABLE WITH SOME HOLY WALL SIGNED WFP

LIKE CAPE INTO APE C FOR C@@t

Yes. Really? Really? Cape into ape? Hmmm?

I should go back to the NHS, mate, and complain.

*backs off slowly and quietly*

Anyone know the blonde on the left?

.

Surely they are both the same bird.

The one on the left is the girl you chat up at a party, then take to bed when you have had a few too many.
The one on the right is the one you wake up sober lying next to.

Come, on you know you have been there.

:-) Actually why am I smiling!

Greek

I suppose the one on the right is 'a 32 pinter'.

And, talking of 'drinks and women', the one on the left may well belong to a group of women on Facebook apparently, who, when stating what their favourite drink is, use coded messages:

What do you drink?

tequila: I'm a single woman
rum: I'm a touch and go woman
champagne: I'm an engaged woman
redbull: I'm a woman in a relationship
beer: I'm a married woman
vodka: I'm the "other one"
sprite: I'm a woman that can't find the right man
whisky: I'm a single woman but with friends that won't stop partying
liquor: I'm a woman that wishes she was single.
gin: I'm a woman that wants to get married

And there's apparently more secret messages, which are to do with a lady's Facebook status too.......

eg,

Q. Where do you put your handbag when you get home?

Answers are usually one of the following:

I like it on the couch.
I like it on the kitchen worktop.
I like it on the dresser.
Etc, etc.

I think we should start one for blokes.

Execline,

Whats the code mean if a girl says she drinks Guinness.

Greek,
A question for you and a chance to appear on the centre of the stage!
As a previous solid upright law enforcement officer, how would you proceed in a dubious case with a background such as Liam Fox seems to be in at present?

He admits to breaking the recognised rules of office, even to lack of judgment.

Would you prosecute him, or simply relieve him of office?

If I admitted manipulating, or ignoring the known rules, for potential gain either in the here and now, or at a later date, would you smile on me, or investigate of attempt to have me prosecuted.

=========

Perhaps, this is this going to be, another case of one rule for them, and one for us?

-------
The slippery slope of "power".

Good try Fred , but Greekman won't take the bait.

I hope Liam Fox made a few pennies from teaming up with his friend. Maybe they could get a few bribes for defense contracts. What is the point of being in power if you can't make a bob or two. I am sure that labour ministers made a bit, now it is the turn of the Liberals and Conservatives.

Blair is a good example. There has never been a Prime Minister who has left office and made so much money. These ex Labour government people certainly know how to dip their beaks.

Hays,

Apologies, but I thought you aimed for higher standards of probity.

I always thought Blair was a tory mole, he has certainly live up to some of the seemingly required membership standards.

I think after the last Labour government we have all got used to lower public standards.