Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!
-------------------------------------
I stopped at Mc Donalds and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said would you like some fries with that?

--------------------------
*One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

They walk among us!

----------------------------------------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Estate agent which direction was north because
He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
And has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

They Walk Among Us!
--------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I was going out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip
out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear
remain the same distance apart no
matter which way the head is turned...

They Walk Among Us !
-------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among Us!
And last, but not least:

Dumb as a box of Rocks
TRUE STORY:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'


Sadly, they walk among us!

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

One of my shares that I have been in and out of these past few years has finally taken off.

Greek referendum: Pasok MPs will not support Papandreou

Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou has lost the support of three of his MPs ahead of a crucial confidence motion in his government on Friday.

The Greek cabinet is meeting in emergency session at 10:00 GMT (12:00 local) after governing Pasok party MPs withdrew their support for a referendum on the eurozone bailout for Greece.

Pasok holds 152 of 300 seats, implying Mr Papandreou could face defeat.

Several government ministers have criticised the idea of a referendum.

Excellent news for the game. Salman Butt and Pakistan bowlers jailed for betting scam

Former Pakistan cricket captain Salman Butt has been jailed for 30 months for his part in the conspiracy to bowl deliberate no-balls in last year's Test match against England.

Former world number two Test bowler Mohammad Asif, 28, was jailed for one year and bowler Mohammad Amir, 19, has been sentenced to six months.

Cricket agent Mazhar Majeed was jailed for two years and eight months.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/8861852/Eagle-brings-down-paraglider-over-Himalayas.html

The Members of the HP should have been before the same Judge and Jury.

Corrupt politicians corrupt leaders, corrupt government, corrupt country and corrupt businesses, a banana republic.

If we can export more banana's we can get out of this mess , trouble is the weather is against us in this country. Fred, its not a Republic yet.

What is art?

A cleaning woman at a German museum who mistook a sculpture for an unsightly mess has destroyed the valuable artwork beyond recognition, a spokeswoman for the western city of Dortmund said Thursday.

The cleaner at the city's Ostwall Museum went to work on the Martin Kippenberger installation entitled "When It Starts Dripping From the Ceiling" which was valued by insurers at 800,000 euros ($1.1 million), she said.

The late contemporary master had created a tower of wooden slats under which a rubber trough was placed with a thin beige layer of paint representing dried rain water.

Taking it for an actual stain, the cleaner scrubbed the surface until it gleamed.

"It is now impossible to return it to its original state," the spokeswoman said, adding that the damage had been discovered late last month and that the work had been on loan to the museum from a private collector.

She said that cleaning crews had orders to remain 20 centimetres (eight inches) away from artworks but it was unclear if the woman had received the directive from the external company that employed her.

Works of art not infrequently fall victim to zealous cleaners. In 1986, a "grease stain" by Joseph Beuys valued at around 400,000 euros was mopped away at the Academy of Fine Arts in Duesseldorf, western Germany.

Internet 'weighs the same as a strawberry'

Using some very rough maths, it's been estimated that the internet weighs about the same as a medium-sized egg.

A man with his mind on his work.

.

Major berg forming in Antarctica

Scientists are monitoring the birth of a monster iceberg in West Antarctica.

A rift has formed in the shelf of floating ice in front of the Pine Island Glacier (PIG).

The surface crack in the PIG runs for almost 30km (20 miles), is 60m (200ft) deep and is growing every day.

US space agency (Nasa) researchers expect the eventual berg to cover about 880 sq km - an area the size of Berlin. It should break away towards the end of the year or early in 2012.

Immigration Minister Damian Green blamed Labour.

"The immigration system we inherited was chaotic and this government is working to fix the mistakes of the past by making better decisions, ensuring cases are properly tracked, improving intelligence and speeding up removals.

"I am determined to deal with the historic asylum cases left by the last government and we are making real progress tackling the archive to trace these individuals.

"Since taking office we have nearly doubled the number of failed asylum seekers removed within one year of their application and now conclude cases quicker, with almost two-thirds decided within a month."

I would believe anything Damon says, at any moment in time.

Mind that goes for any present coalition "politician".

Aids,

Where were your ancestors from?

What I have noticed, is the change in political speech by Osborne and your Dave.

Besides blaming their parents for their ongoing problems in this country, they are now saying in Cannes "what we have to do" from the terraces.

They seem to be going down a bomb.

I am glad they are not going to support the Greeks, or others in the Eurozone.

Europe has a long memory and their stance bodes well for the future.

Bur it is good to have diversions from the failing economic policies and being able to blame "immigration" and "repatriations" and the "grubby" unemployed for our present economic problems.

As was thetory criticism of the previous government, the uk's problems are not related to "world problems", but due to the coalition's incompetence.

Row, row, row the boat on to the rocks.

.

" I would believe anything Damon says, " I will have to agree with you there Fred.

[ Fred in a fluster quickly hit's the edit button ]

" Where were your ancestors from? "

How far back do you want me to go ?

.

A fair question.

But, to answer it, would take an amount of work which appears overwhelming, even if I lived long enough to do so.

Have pondered similar for a long time. The answers are even more confusing,

I would not like to have the responsibility for any decision made.

However:-
1) I am fed up with the political leaders who are strutting about the national and international stage making nationalistic statements for political and home consumption for party followers.
2) I think although the Markets have an importance they should be ignored while:

a) An attempt to analyse what could be seen as a European a common goal for all within Europe.
b) To consider that those ideals and goals should be beneficial for the members of the of the EU and the rest of the world, while being cognisant of the needs and wishes or the groups which are being represented. That is, to be equally responsive to the needs of those of others countries or groups. (Not to advantage oneself at the detriment or abuse of others.)

c) To accept that we are due to the period of technical advances we are in, the global market and the actions of one community are reflected back on the initiated of the action, even if there is a delay.

d) To review the Capitalist principles and theories and realise that there are limitations to it. Realising persona, or national acquisition, is not the only measure of a successful or happy existence. I have noticed with many wealthy people I have known, that it wasnt the wealth they had which gave them satisfaction, but the improvement of the skills they employed in doing so.

e) Recognition that capitalism has its advantages, but needs to be restrained by a leash for the good of society as a whole.

Aids,

Sorry to ignore you.

I will give you a chance.

In your case, one generation would be enough.

Ps.

Can I take my tongue out of my cheek now.

8-: )