Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Russian Mars probe loses its way minutes after launch

A new definition of a failure - "It looks like the engine system has not worked," said Vladimir Popovkin, the head of the Russian Space Agency.

"It means that it did not determine orientation on the stars."

"I would not say it's a failure, it's a non-standard situation, but it is a working situation."

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Sounds a bit like " We have known unknowns which we know, and unknowns which we don't know "

If "Teresa" goes down, No 10 is going to resemble a "Tenpin Bowling Club" , losing its image of the "Bullingdon Old Boys Club".

Perhaps, "10 green bottles hanging lounging on a wall" is a closer resemblance.

Say's Fred the champagne socialist , when his at home its fine wines and chicken al'orange and when his out drinking with his small circle of friends its a pie and a pint.

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While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.


When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.


By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.


All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.


To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,


While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.


This coming week is National Senior Mental Health Week. You can do YOUR part by remembering to contact at least one unstable Senior to show you care.


I have now done MY part!

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A.

I like a good pie and sometimes the beer.

But your tory this government seems to prefer to duck under the table when it gets too hot.


Perhaps, the orange sauce is too strong for the tory members.

When I think of this bunch organising a party in a brewery comes to mind.

Perhaps, they prefer coco-cola.


-------------------

N.

I must admit the "mark up", or corkage on wine, in restaurants generally infuriates me.


Over the years I have tended to eat out less and less, as I now enjoy attempting to "cook myself".

Edited for N (cook for others, or cook myself for others.)

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I thought that nowadays it was more "screwage" :-)

N,

I agree. I occasionally get burnt.

I think if you ate some of my earlier concoctions you would think that my action would be supported.

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8-)

Talk about take the p*ss - 'Urine power' tests at UWE in Bristol are successful

It is claimed the publication of a research paper into the viability of urine as a fuel for Microbial Fuel Cells (MFCs) is a world first.

They say tests have produced small amounts of energy, but more research could produce "useful" levels of power.

So in the future, if drunks buy a car powered by a Microbial Fuel Cell, drive to a pub, get really p****d, then relieved themselves into the fuel tank they could get home on the cheap.


Well I suppose it would make a change from p***ing in someones garden!

Foreign Office reveals weird requests to consulates

The British consulate offers welcome assistance to travellers who are in trouble abroad, but the Foreign Office is warning there are some things it just cannot help with.

In the last six months staff have been asked for a telephone number for Phil Collins and Prince Charles's shoe size.

Another request was from a man stranded at the airport by his dominatrix.

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Enter stage left :-)