Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

A SQUIRRELS TALE


This just about sums it all up


REST OF THE WORLD VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END


THE U.K. VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court, and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home. He is then given an extra fine for contempt when he told the court that the grasshoppers did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britains apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing, but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their country of origin were abandoned because it was feared that they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrels food, although spring is still months away, whilst the council house he is in crumbles around him because he hasnt bothered to maintain the house.

He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'. The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drug habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry that will eventually cost 10,000,000 and state the obvious is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum‑seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The British Council for Immigrant Cats calls for laws to prevent dogs from chewing bones as this is offensive to the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison,

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom. The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END

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He is a little tinker! James Murdoch says News International executives Tom Crone and Colin Myler 'misled' Commons committee live

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Re The Green Thing

But we did have smog from all those coal burning fire's

aldwickk - at least it was English smog :-)

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A bit harsh on mafia bosses!

"Labour MP Tom Watson ends his questions by calling James Murdoch 'a mafia boss' live "

And common sense prevails.

Muslims Against Crusades banned from midnight

Skinny,

About time to.

Mark my words.

Of course they will no doubt turn up and protest anyway, knowing that if they do, little will happen, probably they will be arrested and on appearing at court, receive a slap on the wrist.
This of course will be followed by several appeals, paid for by the tax payer, resulting in a decision by the court of human rights, allowing their appeal and awarding them several thousand pounds in compensation, due to oppression of their human rights.
Of course the Police Force involved, will be censured for unlawful arrest and heavily fined.

Call me cynical, but nothing today surprises me!

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Mnanreh - at least its (finally) a step in the right direction, although I do agree - its the 'act' that should be outlawed, not necessarily the group.

It is surprising to me how many individuals are so protective of their own rights, but not those of others.

Good export figures, those European idiots aren't bailing us out. Have to devalue sterling another 10%.

I thought that would surprise you

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Where is The Greek from?

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8-)))))))))))

Some bright geordies spotted their plane losing a wheel on departing exeter for newcastle and didn't report it straight away to the cabin crew......they must have had a brill idea about it's probably in their best interests to crash upon arrival in northumbria than having to return to devon !.

On a recent trip to the United States, Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK,
addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians.

He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for a CarbonTrading Tax for the UK and Europe

At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque
inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.

A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds..

A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh_t that it can no longer fly.