Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Perhaps, Wales will recruit him as forward coach.

My daughter has just informed me that Tesco are doing a litre of Baileys for 9.85, saving about a tenner. Frankly I can't stand the stuff, but it might be of use to some!

Bought a litre of Grants whisky from MRW this morning for 16 only went in for a paper :O)

Might help the unemployed to take their mind off the soaring economy.

Sorry Roaring economy.

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What interests me is the number in the work force is said to be reducing.

At the same time pensioners or over 65s are being "forced", due to reduce income, into trying to, or actually returning to work.

A large number of school leavers, are fearful of applying for "further education", because of the Education fees, which have been raised by this sensitive coalition's actions. But they are being encouraged to look for employment and are being damned if they can't find a job which are not there for them in reality.

Some of those who are doing the damning having retired in their fifties, or earlier.

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In the 70's there was a so called "Brain Drain" out of the UK. This time around there will be a paucity of "Brain" in the colander.

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It seems to me that Bertrand Russell's paper, "In Praise of Idleness", written in 1932 is even more pertinent now than then.

Skinny,

Baileys is one of my favorite drinks, so after your info will be putting a couple of bottles aside for Xmas.

Cheers Greek.

Similar to Baileys, under 100 rand and worth it just for the nice'n'furry bottle.

These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow..

1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.ee days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16.. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26.. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant..

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

For the sake of your health - stay away from hospital

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Fred wrote , A large number of school leavers, are fearful of applying for "further education", because of the Education fees

Get your fact's right , "further education", is free if you are under 19 years old

Twit Twit comes to mind.

Are you dodging the question?

That's properly the sound of birds in your garden.

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What a twat! Rio Ferdinand 'astonished' by Sepp Blatter comments on racism

Fifa president Sepp Blatter has said football does not have a problem with racism on the field, and any incidents should be settled by a handshake.

The Top 10.

1) Slavery isn't dead
In July 2008 Sepp compared the plight of pampered, overpaid, unprofessional footballers to that of slaves, describing how "in football, there's too much modern slavery, in transferring players or buying players here and there and putting them somewhere. With his typical gift for timing, the comments came just as news broke that Frank Lampard had rejected a contract offer from Chelsea in excess of 130,000 a week.

2) The ladies man
Back in 2004 Sepp declared that female footballers should wear hot pants to try and increase the popularity of the sport, saying: "Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball... for example, tighter shorts". Unsurprisingly this wildly degrading comment met with the scorn of many women in the game. "It's completely irresponsible for a man in a powerful position to make comments like this," responded Charlton keeper Pauline Cope.

3) Scrapping the offside rule in the name of jolly hockey sticks
In March 2010 it was revealed that the Fifa supremo had held talks with the Hockey President Leandro Negre about the effect of scrapping the offside rule. Yes, we've all ranted and screamed at our television on more than one occasion when yet again an official is clearly in the wrong, but really, scrapping the offside rule altogether? A goal-hanger's charter, surely?

4) Too many cooks spoil the broth
2007 saw Blatter propose a move to use four linesmen. Two would remain with just their brightly coloured flags, while the other two would have whistles, and could intervene in a game when they felt there was an infringement.

5) 6+5 = I dislike England
Remember when English clubs dominated the Champions League? We all got excited, revelled in our supremacy, and then last year we didn't have a team in the final. That's the natural cycle. However, our man at the top decided it was unfair, and that no teams should be allowed to field more than five foreign players. Funnily enough, this is another plan that never really got off the ground. Apart from it being largely ridiculous, it also goes against the laws of the European Union.

6) There's no gay in football's village
In March 2008, Blatter broke off from calling for dangerous tackles to be punished by life bans to address the tricky questions of homosexuality. Ever the tactful diplomat, Sepp declared:There are gay footballers, but they don't declare it because it will not be accepted in these macho organisations, he said. Look at women's football - homosexuality is more popular there.

7) ITV in Wonderland
In the run-up to the 1994 World Cup, while acting as Fifa's general secretary, our man of many ideas suggested that as an olive branch to the American broadcasting networks, the game should be split into four quarters. Thank goodness nobody listened. It hardly bears thinking about a world where ITV had even more chance to numb our brains with the same reel of commercials over, and over, and over again.

8) Moving the goalposts
Literally. In July 2006, Sepp mused about extending the width of the goal by half a metre, and adding 25cm of height to the frame. As if the modern balls weren't bad enough for those poor brave men (and women) stupid enough to stand between the sticks, he felt it was his duty to make their task that little bit harder.

9) Drop your draws
Having dumped the Golden Goal in 2006, Blatter has since spoken about bringing it back, or perhaps going straight to penalties after a draw in the World Cup knockout stages. But in August 2010 he went one step further, suggesting that all group stage draws should be eliminated completely by introducing extra time and penalties at the end of matches to "make things more interesting".

10) A nasty touch of Qatar
Staging the World Cup in a country where drinking is restricted in the 50degree heat and where homosexuality is punishable by execution? Another winner! Long may his reign of error continue...

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!

No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.




A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

(I just love this part....)







"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"

Skinny,

Be fair to the man, you can't expect to pay someone a mere 598,000 per year plus expenses and expect that person to have more than half a brain.

Blatter is no more than a Fifa dictator figure, as what he says goes!

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Blatter with half a brain seems to be doing very well.

Can I have the other half, before somebody kicks it.

Anyone else thinking the same, or is it just my suspicious mind.

Are the Germans refusing to allow the ECB to step in to defuse the debt crisis purely for their own 'long term plans' and not so much for the effect of what occurred in Germany in the 1930's re printing money which lead to race away inflation.

I have a suspicion that they want the crisis to worsen to the point where it causes several countries to either default or/and leave the Euro zone.
Could it be that they accept that the point of disintegration of the Euro zone is past the point of no return, and therefore knowing that when all the s**t has hit the proverbial fan, less will effect Germany than it will the other Euro zone countries as well as those in the EU but not Euro zone members.
Germany with its lesser beneficial state, higher age of retirement compared to several other EU countries and better geared up manufacturing, worker lead industry, would no doubt recover far quicker that those other countries.
I am of course allowing for the massive almost instant knock that such a disintegration would cause to the EU and most of the rest of the world.
You only have to look how much stronger Germany became after the second world war compared with several of the countries that were supposedly on the winning side.

As to further monetary, political and therefor financial union, I think they know that this will be a none starter, as the Irish, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian and even I suspect the French will not accept it.
So if you know that all the wheels are coming off and there is nothing that you can do to stop it, then the best policy might be to get further away from the inevitable crash that follows, then be the first one to offer help via trade to those who suffer far worse consequences.

After the inevitable break up of the Euro zone as we know it, I am willing to gamble that Germany will recover within 10 years to become even stronger than it is now, with most of the other member countries struggling to catch up, and that goes for other none Euro zone, EU members to perhaps a lesser extent.

Greek.

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