Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Absolutely mn, I'll sleep to that.

A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant, gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't ........

He just walked in the door."

One of my relatives is getting married towards the end of 2012 and have booked a venue. They have guests coming from abroad who have booked flights to come plus hotels. The venue contacted them a few weeks ago and asked them if they could move the date of the venue as there was someone famous who wanted that date. They didn't want to change though. A short time later they were contacted again and an offer was made. They would get £150,000 paid off their mortgage, ther wedding would be free at the venue and all the flights and hotel accomodation would be paid for. They moved the date. I can't say who it was, but it was a footballer.

Heard the story, its DB

How did they know they had a mortgage and how big ?

Dreamcatcher

Is David Beckham getting married again ?

Did i say it was David Beckham ? :-))))))))))))))))))))

I only live 2 miles from Beckingham palace.

You didn't say anything , who's DB

I dont know :-))))))))))))) who is he?

Initials not DB

Hays,

The daughter of one of one of my wife's friends was in the same position and similar deal earlier this year,

This was for a wedding event at one of the golfing venues and the initials were similar.

Apparently they got paid.

I thought at the time it was a scam and surprised at the result.

==================

Been booking up venues for the last year.





Problem now is that it is a New Year.

VB then. :-)))))))))))))

No. Not anything B.

having just read the weekend papers how can any one ever trust the police
in the uk . and not a word from the goverment .
the police have more criminals than the prisons .
back home thurs lar thanks

Stephen Lawrence murder: Dobson and Norris found guilty

Better late then never.

Anybody see Endeavour, the Morse spin-off on tv , thought it was up to the standard of the old Morse series hope its not just a one off

ZEN TEACHINGS

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you pass wind.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighbourhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC TOILETS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."

"Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me".

He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?"

"No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."