Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Just got back from the probation service and ive been awarded my community service.
Anyone care to take a guess?????

If they know you, it certainly won't be investment advice. I have seen your tips. Could it be mucking out Duncan Fergusons' stable (what a donkey).
Alan

alan, i'm not a fan of big dunc , but, he did do something most of us would love to do ........catch a burglar in the act and give him a good kicking. after what happened to us recently , i am extremely jealous.
after many frantic phone calls we are doing much better on the cornet front, very nearly got a full band for sunday now!!

If you need a guitarist or a pianist (yes thats pianist and lets be absolutely clear, nothing that sounds similar), I'm your man. Especially if you give me time to write numbers on the keys!!!
Alan

al, there's quite a few with a musical bent on these bbs. we should have a session and put a few songs together, maybe perform at the next mam day as the house band. we could call ourselves................(can't be arsed thinking of anything really witty.)

How about MAMS Athiest Tabernacle Choir.
And with that, Goodnight.
Alan

is that your best, al? well, at least you thought of something, i've got brainblock at the moment.

Well Scrip's got this thing about karaoke right now (bless)
You've been warned, bos :S
Now I know you'll be up for it tomorrow - it's a well known fact that anyone who can blow can hum.

Oh and you've got all day to come up with something better than that Alan. MATC just doesn't roll, does it.

I got 200 hours working in a

Suits you, Sir

Blimey, I typed suits you in google images and look what appeared befory my eyes!!!



I like the yellow one best.

The big question though, Wilbs.
200 hours and a fine for your crime.
You said you were defending your family. Was it worth it mate? Would it stop you doing it again.
Bear with me if its a stupid question cos I don't know what you did, and I don't want to appear insolent!!
Alan

It was def worth it. The person in question wont go near my ex and my kids now cos he thinks im some kind of lunatic. I must be to some degree cos I post on here. He is doing community service for other things but has not showed up and is gonna end up inside soon cos my probation officer is also his and he has had enough of him now.
One of my favourite sayings 'good things come to those who wait'

Would I do it again??
Under the same curcumstances I would think about my actions first but if my kids got hurt then I would do what I had to to protect them.

Prepare yourselves - this is awful

"Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub.

It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most

of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only

broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a

dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise ...

>BUMP........

>BUMP........

>BUMP........

Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain

he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

>BUMP........

>BUMP........

>BUMP........

He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box

approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more

clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put

his head down and started walking briskly home.

>BUMP........

>BUMP........

>BUMP........

The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster.........

>BUMP.... BUMP.......

>BUMP........BUMP.......

>BUMP........BUMP........

The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he

heard the coffin speed up after him ...

>BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

>BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

>BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .

>BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....

>BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....

>BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....

Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was

only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his

keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock. He dived inside,

slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and

slumped into his comfy chair.

Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through

the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin

allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued

its chase ..

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could

take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door .

>BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and

launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the

bathroom door flew off its hinges .

The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young

terrified lad.

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom

cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at

the coffin ... still it came .

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it

came......

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came......

>BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it .

The coffin stopped."

Good man.
Just wait two years first!!

Was that joke really worth the effort?

Best read after a few drinks !!!

Best read after a few chloroforms!!

So why did the coffin stop when he threw the Benelyn cough mixture at it?? Did the coffin slip over on it?? He would of done better throwing a tub of vaseline at it.