Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

What a boring day , time for one of these i think.

Should have done bbc a couple of weeks ago me thinks - good call Alan

I have just received a super power point presentation - but perhaps a bit too saucy to put on here

Any one need cheering up - just let me know

Baza

We all need cheering up, mate, but my home PC doesn't have powerpoint! (go on, call me a tightfisted cheapskate, everyone else does)
Alan

Well - all I can say Alan - is that you are missing a treat - a very pleasant treat at that

Its days as boring as these that could drive a man insane.
I've just been explaining that to my friend, the purple unicycle riding elephant, and he agrees with me.
Still, I'm kept going by the words my father said to me while rattling the bars of his cell when he was arrested for a political offence (he broke into the local conservative club) ; "Don't blame the dog, son. You trod in it".
I only ever remember that of him, and his dying words, of course; " Don't bugger about with that gun, son. It's loade.................."

Yep please Baza, a good cheer up is definitely the order of the day.

I will need your email address (via MAM) chocolate - as I cant post attachments via MAM.

Baza

> >I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had
>>been
>> > >dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
>> > >
>> > >There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her
>>beautiful
>> > >younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two,
>>wore very
>> > >tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
>> > >
>> > >She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I
>>always got
>> > >more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be
>> > >deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
>> > >
>> > >One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to
>>check
>> > >the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
>> > >whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that
>>she
>> > >couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to
>>me just
>> > >once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
>> > >
>> > >Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said,
>>"I'm
>> > >going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild
>>fling, just
>> >
>> > >come up and get me."
>> > >
>> > >I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
>>stairs.
>> > >
>> > >When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw
>>them down
>> >
>> > >the stairs at me.
>> > >
>> > >I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
>>straight to
>> > >the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards
>>my car.
>> > >
>> > >Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside,
>>all them
>> > >clapping!
>> > >
>> > >With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,
>>"We are
>> > >very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't
>>ask for
>> > >better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
>> > >
>> > >And the moral of this story is: .......
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >Always keep your condoms in your car...you never Know when it can save your Day.

Gonna read that joke again in a couple of hours, Ithink I'll appreciate it more by then.
For tonight, WE HUNT THE BEER MONKEY!!!
Alan

alan, you found that monkey yet?
lol@treikiman. good joke. for a while there it sounded a bit close to home.....

No Boz,
He visits me after a night of booze, while I am asleep in my bed.
He must visit you, too. Hes the bastard that ruffles your hair up, empties your wallet and shits in your mouth after a good night on the razzle.
I can't think of a better way to explain how I will feel in the morning.
Alan

oh you lucky man!!!!

Alan - Hahahaha like the beer money thing mate.... Will have remember that one for the guys in the office tomorrow.... Will make year end accounts that little more toleratable......

Anyone seen the daily Bling in the last hour, waiting for some abuse on the Stanelco thread from him!!

Good morning to all.
The Beer monkey definitely visited last night. All the normal signs of his visit are there. Beer cans on the floor, curry encrusted plates in the sink etc. But he didn't get into my bedroom, so the hair and mouth aren't too bad this morning.
I have devoted most of my adult life to studying and trying to catch a glimpse of this semi-mythical beast, to the point where I am considered something of an authority on his reclusive nature, and the history of his species.
I will try and hunt him down again, as I do on many a weekend, and will keep you up to date on his nasty little habits towards innocent alcoholics.
Alan

morning alan, i bet you didn't know that mr monkey was the driving force behind tony and guys "bedhead" range of hair care products!! the reason his visits arn't as frequent is 'cos he's now loaded and doesn't have to work as much, spends a lot of his time in the bahamas, sipping cocktails on a beach. he now just works when he feels like it, just for fun, like.
here he is enjoying a pint after playing darts at his local......

Alan - no problem - I think he stayed the night at my place last night - he also nicked me wallet - cos I cant find it anywhere

Baza

Great joke treikiman

No, Boz,
What you got there is you Pans Bontemps (Good time Monkey).
We are talking about Pans Alka Seltzer (Beer Monkey).
He is that insidious little git that breaks into your home after a night on the razzle and empties the medicine cabinet of paracetamol, alka seltzer and Andrews Liver Salts. He messes your hair, empties your wallet and shits in your mouth while you are sleeping and puts a phone number on a scrap of paper in your trouser pocket.
He hunts down his prey by following people home from bars that have drinks called "sledgehammer" and "screaming orgasm" containing paper parasols and humourous giraffes.
He is thought not to be native to these isles but was introduced by the Arab trader in sacred libations, Al Kerhol.
Possibly his nastiest trick is to plant fake memories of the previous night in the mind of your partner and friends, but not you.
He is evil beyond compare, and it is my sacred duty to capture him, and show the world that it is he alone that is responsible for the state of me on a typical Saturday and Sunday morning!!
Alan

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a French man. It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark

there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on

his cheek.



The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again"