Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Anyone seen the daily Bling in the last hour, waiting for some abuse on the Stanelco thread from him!!

Good morning to all.
The Beer monkey definitely visited last night. All the normal signs of his visit are there. Beer cans on the floor, curry encrusted plates in the sink etc. But he didn't get into my bedroom, so the hair and mouth aren't too bad this morning.
I have devoted most of my adult life to studying and trying to catch a glimpse of this semi-mythical beast, to the point where I am considered something of an authority on his reclusive nature, and the history of his species.
I will try and hunt him down again, as I do on many a weekend, and will keep you up to date on his nasty little habits towards innocent alcoholics.
Alan

morning alan, i bet you didn't know that mr monkey was the driving force behind tony and guys "bedhead" range of hair care products!! the reason his visits arn't as frequent is 'cos he's now loaded and doesn't have to work as much, spends a lot of his time in the bahamas, sipping cocktails on a beach. he now just works when he feels like it, just for fun, like.
here he is enjoying a pint after playing darts at his local......

Alan - no problem - I think he stayed the night at my place last night - he also nicked me wallet - cos I cant find it anywhere

Baza

Great joke treikiman

No, Boz,
What you got there is you Pans Bontemps (Good time Monkey).
We are talking about Pans Alka Seltzer (Beer Monkey).
He is that insidious little git that breaks into your home after a night on the razzle and empties the medicine cabinet of paracetamol, alka seltzer and Andrews Liver Salts. He messes your hair, empties your wallet and shits in your mouth while you are sleeping and puts a phone number on a scrap of paper in your trouser pocket.
He hunts down his prey by following people home from bars that have drinks called "sledgehammer" and "screaming orgasm" containing paper parasols and humourous giraffes.
He is thought not to be native to these isles but was introduced by the Arab trader in sacred libations, Al Kerhol.
Possibly his nastiest trick is to plant fake memories of the previous night in the mind of your partner and friends, but not you.
He is evil beyond compare, and it is my sacred duty to capture him, and show the world that it is he alone that is responsible for the state of me on a typical Saturday and Sunday morning!!
Alan

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a French man. It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark

there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on

his cheek.



The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again"

alan, i stand corrected. i thought the 2 were one and the same. great joke , too.
like yourself, i have never seen pans alka seltzer, but i did see his helpers one night after a particularly mad night in manchester. i remember waking up in the night and seeing six little dwarf devils standing round my bed, waiting to stab any part of me that wasn't under the duvet. i had to tightly roll myself into the duvet so i would feel safe...... (actually, it was quite a frightening experience at the time.) in the morning the dwarf devils had gone but the monkey had been in a big way!!

dead quiet in here, today.

I'm playing wiv my new toy, boz, ;-)
Alan

Chaco has woken up CHP

Baza

I think ive posted this before but I love it.

You can tell it aint real. Dubbya Bush is too stupid to be able to tie a decent knot.

He can tie a knot. This picture was taken when he was recieving his knot tying badge from the Washington Scout Group.

He must of been awarded it for doing the noose above cos hes got the same suit on.

And shirt

And tie.

Different badge, wilbs.

Now, my world famous trivia again.
The picture on the wall is of Abraham Lincoln. He was warned by his secretary that he had a bad feeling about the day, on the day that he was shot.
JFK was warned by his secretary that he had a bad feeling about the day on the day he was shot.
Heres the twist.
Lincolns secretary was called Kennedy and Kennedys secretary was called Lincoln.
Not a lot of people know that.

Not alot of people know that...