Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Now a profit of 22000 pounds ,however i'm out of the top 250 thank god ,,i was down to 79 k at one point ,i might have to go like a spoilt child and say i'm not playing.

Beware chaps, with the Xmas party season upon us; this warning needs to be
taken fairly seriously...

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to
be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females
use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting
men.The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost
anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps, and in large "kegs".

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman
needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then
simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless
against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to
perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never
normally be attracted. After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy
memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just
a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life
savings,in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship".

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd
enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of
servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by
the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

LOL !! nice one wilbs..

I remember it well - nice one wilbs - strange they seem to have stpped trying over the last few years ??

On a dull Mon - couple of laughs:


I'll Get Pneumonia
------------------------------------
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering
from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills,
but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that
didn't do any good, either.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and
take a hot bath.

As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open
all the windows and stands in the draft. "But doc," protested
the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said his physician, "I can cure pneumonia."




This short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference
in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the
waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I
noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that
all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve
our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well, "he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that
the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop
frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are
better prepared, we can reduce the number of
trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his
spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the
waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse
me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant."
That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the
restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you-know-what, we can pull it out
without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon!"

If moths are so attracted by light, how come they only come out on a night? Are they the most stupid creature on Earth or what?

Al's new bike

Now thats what I call a bike. Any chance of a coolie to pedal it for me?
alan

And so Gentlemen (and ladies) as none of us have won poster of the year awards with MAM (surely a gross oversight in the tipster category) I propose our own award.
The category is "best poster called bhunt1910 of the year award".
My nomination is................................


















bosley.

Al it was for the old school , we didn't stand a chance , i think we should have our own awards , at least we could all win something ,, i can't even win by loosing on Champ Invest.

Jimmy opens the floodgates. Post your categories and nominations here.
You may rest assured that all ideas will be taken on board and as soon as we leave harbour, will be tossed over the side.
Special services to Jamie Oliver award to chocolat for the food posts???

blimey!!! alan, did i win summat??
i can't believe this. 11 in the monthly tables. shameful. i don't know what to say i'm so embarrassed. and it was going so well.......
good idea on the awards thing.
my category would be..... award for the most looked forward to posts..........

i nominate...

jimmyb, ( well i did look forward to them for a while but he's gone all sensible and soft now).

another hotly contested category would be ...... award for the biggest tease

nominations are:

chocolat, for making more food double entendres than nigella
H, just for sounding horny (soz , al)
chrissie, for promising to do a strip if moi got to 2p


any other nominations?

I'll nominate Alan "hewittalan6" for filling in all the bouring gaps where RNS's have been short, best comical poster on this site. Also "Shamona" should get a mention for quality of posts, accurate information and telling it how it is...

Jimmy,
In the category "most looked forward to posts" I wish to nominate the one coming soon from blinger to say "oops. might have got it wrong on that SEO thingy", or the one that is winging its way here from PM1 that says, "actually, guys, I might have exagerrated a teeny bit".
I am really looking forward to those two.
Alan

Hi Boz !! I should sound horny, it's my job, satisfying you perverts on 0906 RUDE TALK. Be sure to guve me a call now, it's only 1.50 / minute.
H

My nomination for funniest post this year still goes to THOSE penguins. I laugh just thinking about them.
The "Abraham Lincoln - theres nowt on the telly, lets go to the theatre tonight" award for worst idea (possibly this century) goes to Bos for his investment in BFC, though I ran him close with my backing of YOO. Oh and BRY. Yes, and SEO at 30p. Okay, okay, JRVS as well. Yes, I know, ITR was probably a bad idea, too.
Okay, I give in. I'll award it to myself.

Yes i know i forgot NOP among my list of this years disasters. Don't rub it in!

Yes, I know I forgot to add NOP to this years list of disasters. Don't rub it in!

Who's gone soft

Quite the reverse, Jimmy. (ooo-er matron)