Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Good Lord.We appear to have grown this thread to the point where we attract a commercial break!!!

And now a word from our sponsor.................

LOL Hewitt.......I like it :)

Blimey you've scored, Alan.

UH??

Moneymann
Stop pushing your wares this is the top toy every body wants this Christmas brought to you by CCT Character Group 52P per share get some quick before they go up.

Hmmm... that's a lot of round nobbly bits.

Oops, sorry Ma'am.

This came up in ,top 5 jobs (i swear) bikini contest judge ,, now who would want to do that, looks boring to me .

.

Also ,i'm not keen on these cover up swimsuits ,girls should be a little more liberal ,it's the 21st century.

for all of 'em!!!!

Time for a snackette

TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2005



Smart Ass Answer #5:



A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat....she said,"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your
stub."



Smart Ass Answer #4:



A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."



Smart Ass Answer #3:



The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.



Smart Ass Answer #2:



A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads,
"Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and
he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck
driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck
driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."



AND NOW........FOR THE..........

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005....



A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider
a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,
shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand."

Like it, Baza.
The best one I heard was of a Yank in a London Hotel Impatiently jabbing the call button on the lift. An Englishman at the side of him said "You don't have to keep pushing it, the lift is coming".
The Yank was frustrated and replied, "It's not a lift, Sonny, its an elevator".
"No", said the Englishman, "It's definitley a Lift".
"Listen, Buddy, we invented the damn elevator."
"This may be so, sir, but we invented the language".

Alan

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000 bills.

Then there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

Manchester United have just announced their new shirt sponsor.
Its gonna be Easyjet because of how quickly they can get you into and out of Europe.
Alan

Bos,
Spotted you in the monthly league. Glad to see your getting the hang of this losing money thing, and sliding down slowly.
But who is this Dave the Horse, topping the monthly table but down a very creditable 96000 on current trading?
Now that is impressive.
Should we let him join the numpty club?
Alan

1 (1039) davethehorse 3,123.12 71.29%

How has he done that!!!!!! he must have lost nearly the lot ,,then put on 70% ,,i make that he was down to 937 ,, we need to meet dave the horse ....

Your maths doesn't add up Jimmy - 973 + 70% = 1654. Still losing 98,000 odd is pretty impressive - thats much more than I lost on my (virtual) BFC trade.

I'm jealous to buggery. Find this man and force him into a full confession on these pages that we may learn from the master of disaster.
Alan