Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Like it, Baza.
The best one I heard was of a Yank in a London Hotel Impatiently jabbing the call button on the lift. An Englishman at the side of him said "You don't have to keep pushing it, the lift is coming".
The Yank was frustrated and replied, "It's not a lift, Sonny, its an elevator".
"No", said the Englishman, "It's definitley a Lift".
"Listen, Buddy, we invented the damn elevator."
"This may be so, sir, but we invented the language".

Alan

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000 bills.

Then there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

Manchester United have just announced their new shirt sponsor.
Its gonna be Easyjet because of how quickly they can get you into and out of Europe.
Alan

Bos,
Spotted you in the monthly league. Glad to see your getting the hang of this losing money thing, and sliding down slowly.
But who is this Dave the Horse, topping the monthly table but down a very creditable 96000 on current trading?
Now that is impressive.
Should we let him join the numpty club?
Alan

1 (1039) davethehorse 3,123.12 71.29%

How has he done that!!!!!! he must have lost nearly the lot ,,then put on 70% ,,i make that he was down to 937 ,, we need to meet dave the horse ....

Your maths doesn't add up Jimmy - 973 + 70% = 1654. Still losing 98,000 odd is pretty impressive - thats much more than I lost on my (virtual) BFC trade.

I'm jealous to buggery. Find this man and force him into a full confession on these pages that we may learn from the master of disaster.
Alan

Your right Frampton ,,my mistake ,he was down to 1837.50p then put on 70% ,, still , 900 ,,1800 who cares , the man's a financial genius ...

All hail Dave the horse.
Dave the horse for Prime Minister.
We are not worthy of sharing a thread with someone who can plan his investments with such meticulous foresight.
Other than that he really pisses me off. I can't win because PP05 has that won sewn up and I can't lose cos of Dave!!
Gonna have to think of a new version of the contest that means I've got a chance!!
Alan

Sanity restored.
Dave the Horse has not achieved the holy grail of duff investing. Its the site thats got it wrong again. The 3.30pm update shows him over 4000% up this month, which would have meant him finishing last month at about 186.62.
Now that would be class!!
Alan

foale - 08 Dec 2005 15:29 - 509 of 510
A big thank you to "dave the horse"
for letting us know how many are playing...
roundabout 1039...I am assuming

see this months leaders...

If you are there...how did you manage to
turn 100,000 to 4000 so quickly

Its taking me far longer than that :-)
--------------------------------------

IanT(MoneyAM) - 08 Dec 2005 15:30 - 510 of 510
foale,

A slight problem with the league which will resolve itself after its next refresh in about an hour
----------------------------------

Alan it seems there is a problem ,maybe dave's not as good as we think!!

Bloody amateur, in fact Bos.
Alan

NEWSFLASH: FIRST CASE OF BIRD FLU REPORTED AT DISNEY

just in case anyone was wondering what to get me for christmas.......



thanks in advance......

I can see something's missing from your kit, so I'll be rustling up a few of these



for your stocking.

Be sure the stocking is the correct leg size

Ask Alan about stocking.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons,"
>where:


:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-) and
>
:-( respectively.

Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ar*se

(__!__) a fat ar*se

(!) a tight ar*se

(_*_) a sore ar*se

{_x_} a swishy ar*se

(_o_) an ar*se that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ar*se

(_X_) leave my ar*se alone

(_zzz_) a tired ar*se

(_E=mc2_) a smart ar*se

(_$_) Money coming out of his ar*se

(_?_) Dumb ar*se

Edited uout the emooning bit - it did not work

Alan ,,someone puts a war thread on the BB and you abandon us, how about this ,,the SAS ,now come back ,all those intelligent discussions won't do you any good..

Aw, Jimmy.
I was just starting to enjoy the lively debate over there.
Still, its a crap thread. Theres no naked women!!
Alan