Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

ouch!!!!

copied from iii thread by s-works m4
One day in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My
elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. It's a lot cheaper than a
doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-
Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for
the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten
seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid
heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some
tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife
and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries
back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars,
pours in his concoction and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
(Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I better get ready for Christmas then.

how d'ya like them apples? desiccating again?

Good one treki - its now winging itself round the world

Bos ,nice to see your still in front on the monthly % ,hope you win, however iv'e been working hard to win the loosers game ,and as you can see it's coming together ,,HAPPY CHRISTMAS ...

PS iv'e got down to no 1045. :-)

Is that really you Bos at the top of the league - what did you trade in this month to shoot you up the board ?

It's enough to bring a tear to your eye. (click on play video) Merry xmas.

http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/view?&h=240&w=320&type=msmedia&rurl=www.churchvideoassociation.com%2Fstore%2Fproduct.php%3Fproductid%3D102%26cat%3D6%26page%3D1&vurl=www.churchvideoassociation.com%2Fpreviews%2Fchristmas_mv_256k.wmv&back=p%3Dchristmas%26sp%3D1%26fr2%3Dsp-top%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fl%3D0%26cv%3Dg%26fr%3DFP-tab-web-t%26SpellState%3Dn-458817779_q-VGdxbJsQrAkyqy7FvoaZUAABAA%40%40&turl=re2.mm-so.yimg.com%2Fimage%2F1750459003&name=christmas_mv_256k.wmv&no=8&tt=38642&p=christmas&size=4.3MB&dur=164

driver, just a little something to sweeten that video up 'cos it wasn't sweeeeeeet enough !!!! it certainly brought a tear to my eye.........merry christmas.
baza, yes it's me. i've been trading seo. i very nearly choked on my toast this morning when i saw my name in shares mag!! well, there goes my 15 seconds of fame!! jimmy, i think i'll be back in the loser's game soon enough. don't think the luck will hold out another day....nice while it lasted, though.....

Mmm serweet

oh, perfect for these



mind if i dip a finger in and taste your syrup?

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE ON HERE AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ....

wouldn't it be great if santa looked like this :)........ could go down my chimney anytime........;)

a very merry christmas to you all , and a happy new year. it's been a real pleasure "reading" the posts on this thread!!

And a merry Christmas to one and all :)

Cream, Bos?

Its going to be a very quiet Xmas so might as well get pissed for the next few days to try & blot it all out.........

Hope everyone has a great Xmas & New Year

chocolat, soz cock, i don't do green..... no veg please . you got anything more appetizing?

i read that wrong then boz, i thought thats getting a bit near the knuckle, btu thankfully read again.

I picked this up from another thread - and it made me smile - have decided to apply for the job in Guam

I enjoyed this ..... hopefully you will too

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ... ?)
(Did the government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last:
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning

Barry