Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

LOL!! very good treikiman ..

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
>difference between potentially and realistically?"
>
>The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if
>she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
>
>Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
>dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a
>million dollars.
>
>Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
>
>So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
>for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would!
>
>We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to
>a great University!"
>
>The boy then
went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
>Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad
>Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"
>
>The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
>Pitt for a million dollars?"
>
>"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks
>would buy?"
>
>The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.
>
>His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
>potentially and realistically?"
>
>The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three
>Million Dollars..............
>
>but Realistically,......... we're living with two Sluts and a Queer."
>

Nice one Al ,i better get back on here before the FAT thread takes over.

three guys in a pub having a bragging session about who is the best lover. first guy says, " made love to the wife last night. she enjoyed it so much she arched her back six inches off the bed !!" he sits back , smiling smugly. the second guy says, " went down on the wife last night. she loved it so much she arched her back 10 inches off the bed and moaned loudly!!". he sits back , even more smugly. the third guys sips his pint , then says, " shagged the wife last night , got up and wiped me cock on the new curtains...... she hit the f*cking roof!!!!"




well, i thought it was funny.........

Some old ones here

1. Two blondes walk into a building........ .. you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor,doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it too.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a
look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his
teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside."..How's that?" "Don't you start."

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
give me a lift?" I said "Sure. You look great .. the world's your oyster
..
go for it."

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
Dad,or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its
Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one
off.

21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today."
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' "So
that was nice."

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places". The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore".

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to
climb as digging continues into the night.

superb baza. lol

mmmmmm

Mmmm fish 'n chips...there's only one way to eat that.

??

with a nice


??

or do you just like using your fingers?

Got it in three ;)

jellybean high :)

After the headlines, the quotes:



1. Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high

for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)





2. Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)





3. Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)



4. A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman

commented, "This sort of thing is all too common. (The Times)





5. At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)





6. Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" (Bournemouth Evening Echo)

Good morning Baza,
Bright and early this morning.
Love the lists.
alan

Morning Alan and all

Could be an interestng day today - or a damp squib.

Talking of which - very gloomy and wet down south today - I wonder if that will set the tone for the day

If you mean what I think you mean then I'll go for the damp squib. I see no news and no great volatility, despite the rantings of others!!!
All the talking up and down over the last 6 weeks or so has led to the sp moving by the square root of bugger all.
As PI's we get to know about things that will move the price after the event and all the silly posturing on here is nothing more than guesswork, so we kind of take it in turns to be right.
Alan

Al you can't talk about trivial things like shares , this is a serious thread .

Jimmy - I agree

Shame on you Alan - now if you want to talk about the trouncing of ManU - Yes - what a good result for football !!!

Baza

Sorry, Jimmy.
Back on track with a more serious discussion;
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
alan