Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Think I've got the answer for you, Bos;


load of crap

cheers alan. bugger!!! i forwarded it to loads of people. i guess i best start sending emails out telling people it's a load of crap then. and there's me thinking i was doing me good deed fert' day........

'kin tiscali, 'kin msn,

Heard about the whale swimming up the Thames answers to the name of Prescott... poor sod.......

See 1 of of the city slickers has just been given a 180 hours community service by the Judge at there trial....

Why A Christmas Tree Is
Better Than A MAN!



A Christmas tree doesn't care if you had other Christmas trees in the past.

Even a small Christmas tree gives satisfaction.

A Christmas tree always looks good, even with the lights on.

A Christmas tree has pretty balls.

A Christmas tree doesn't follow you around begging if you decide to choose a different one.

A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.

A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

A Christmas tree doesn't care if you sit around in your pajamas and watch soap operas all day.

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break its balls.

You can throw a Christmas tree out when it starts to get old and droopy.

You don't have to put up with
a Christmas tree all year!

Silence is golden

This page is blank i can't read it ??

everything seems to have been lost ???

Someone put the lights out. Oh hang on, they've come back on again. Who did that? Was it something to do with your Christmas tree Baz (good that, by the way). Oh oh, page gone blank again. No! it's back again.........leave that bloody switch alone!

I see that the whale was last seen heading out for sea; I thought Prescott has been all at sea for ages. Is it true that some people have been throwing eggs at the whale?

ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS IN FURY OVER PUBLICITY STUNT FOR OPENING OF LONDON BRANCH OF HARRY RAMSDENS

does that come with chips and red sauce?

Definitely not

wow!!! a jellybean kaleidoscope!!!! that's really giving me the munchies......

When Ralph first noticed that his peniswas growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing,and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couplethat, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery."How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously."Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor. "Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthenhis legs, aren't you???"

Some old, some new - please yourself


Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was
rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin
and crusty supreme They sent me Diana Ross.

Sky TV have just won the rights to screen the first World Origami
Championships from Tokyo. Unfortunately it's only available on Paper
View.

I said to my friend "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then." I
said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said
"You're closest."

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought "he's trying to pull a
fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said
"Eurostar?".
I said "I've been on TV but I'm no Dean Martin."

So I called the phone company and said "I want to report a nuisance
caller."
The guy who answered said "Not you again."

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too
high.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant.

I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you
drive."

!

Nicked this from another thread - I thought it was funny!!


A Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'.... perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'... perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "My thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. "Din'na ye think its aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

or

She---- "tak yer fingers outa ma sporran Duggie"
He------" thats no ma fingers"
She----"aye, thats no ma sporran"

very funny , baza.
here's a tip; don't try painting when you've got a stinking hangover!! it's just not good you.

And another tip, bos - don't try posting while you're still working on the hangover ;)