Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.



He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"



"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. We have to eat grass."



Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you!"



"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."



"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."



The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"



"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.



"Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. Youll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

Brilliant !!.. :-)

nice one , baza.
i didn't know you had to pay to access the trader's thread. or should i have kept my mouth shut?

Evening all.
Don't know if you've noticed but there are a couple of more entertaining threads at the moment. Terrible I know, but check out the namecalling and fighting going on on SEO, DMR and pump and dump. It's hilarious!!!
What fun.
Alan

gets funnier by the minute, alan. so gald we're above it all ...............you tw*t ;)

I'm gonna get my dad onto you, an he's a copper.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

That would match the little pink taffeta number I'm wearing now

Save some for me.

you having a "turtles head" moment there , driver?

I missed out on all that tonight you pair of twats !!!

Actually you three twats !!!!!

jimmy, inyerass with a black mambo strap-on, you great pillock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You complete contents of a colostomy bag !!

Have a look at the pump and dump thread im going to invade it ..

Here - take this with you jimmy

Thats very nice chocolat ,,but i prefer to take a pair of boobs ,it's such a boring thread it needed some creative imput.

A bloke on his way into work this morning came to a

dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself



"Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.

Nothing's moving."



He notices a police officer walking back and

forth between the lines of cars so he rolls

down his window and asks:



"Officer what's the hold up?"



The officer replies: "It's a Man Utd fan,

he's just so depressed about losing the

premiership to Arsenal last season and

again to Chelsea this season, being

knocked out of Europe, losing in the

FA Cup final, selling out to a yank and

winning naff all after gobbing off all

season whilst Liverpool have won the

European Cup , he's threatening to douse

himself in petrol and set himself on fire.



He says his family hates him and his mates are

all laughing at him. I'm walking around now taking a

collection for him."



"Oh really?" says the bloke "How much

have you collected so far?".



"Only about a litre, but a lot of people are

still siphoning."

Four men are arguing over their respective professions, and whose profession is the oldest and most venerable.
"Mine is," says the first. "I am a lawyer and in Genesis Cain murders Abel and gets away without punishment. Who but a lawyer could achieve this?"
"I disagree", says the second. "I am a doctor. Genesis relates the story of a rib being removed from Adam as he sleeps. Surely that is a surgical operation".
"But even before that", says the third man, "Genesis tells us that all was chaos and confusion and God created order. I am sure you will agree that creating order from chaos and confusion reflects my own job as an architect."
"Well that proves its mine." Said the fourth man. " I am director of policy for the Financial Services Authority".
"How does that prove its your job which is oldest?" Asked the lawyer.
"Who do you think created the chaos and confusion"?

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."