Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

You and me both, agree with you about the politics, though paul was an angry young man, i thought he represented the feelings of a lot of people. And absolutely he has mellowed and now writes great lurve songs. i saw the jam in concert concert 3 times, they were suberb. There is a tribute band called the Jamm who supposed to be great, definately going to see them the next time they are in the midlands.

His songwriting from a musical point of view is summed up for me when I try to play some of the greats. The chord progressions he uses are unique and very difficult to play. Most guitarists agree that the progressions he does come up with shouldn't work and should sound awful, but somehow they work beautifully. It is a very difficult style to mimic succesfully, unless you are a very competant musician.
I end up sticking to the ones where he has used a very different style to his normal one such as "The Whole Point of no Return", " 'A' Bomb In Wardour Street" and "English Rose".
Most good guitarists recognise him as a very underated guitarist, for his skill on the fretboard.

yes some peole think they are walking into a strange town when they try to copy him, but thats enetertainment.

This is getting far too serious.
I'm going back to the nostalgia of my poem.
Now how did it start?
Oh, yes.
Twas evening time in t'Vatican,
And t'Pope had gone to bed.
He were laid there reading "Penthouse".............

OR;
This is an ode to "Neon Sign Joe"
Who died when he fell through the letter "O"
We pray the hes gone to a place that is better
Cos he went, like he came, through a hole in a letter.

New Words for 2006


TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.

SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage - What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home
with the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded administrivia" needless
paperwork and processes.

404 - Someone who's clueless. >From the World Wide Web error message "404
Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE - One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a
'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS - Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am in the morning.

BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where
you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC - Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS - Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please"

GREYHOUND - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to
show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth
seeing.

MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go
"Oo!Oo!Ho! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NELSON MANDELA - Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

PEARL HARBOUR Cold (weather) - An example of it would be - "It's a bit
Pearl Harbour" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY - A deeply unattractive woman

TART FUEL - Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women

Talking of tribute bands,, if you ever get the chance ,see the Counterfeit Stones,they were playing near me one weekend and they were fantastic ,,i dragged a mate of mine along who is an avid stones fan and wouldn't come unless i paid for his ticket ,he ended at the front .

My missus has a black flag tattooed on her arse in memory of all the men who went to the front.

i cant believe i just saw stiff little fingers getting a mention on a financial site. they were my heros, still are , frozen in time even though they are still going. i saw them a few times at the manchester apollo. the first time i hung around and met the band , got their autographs on a scarf. it became my treasured possession. the next time they came to manchester i went to get my beloved scarf to go to the gig. i noticed that the autographs had disappeared. i asked my mum about it. she innocently said that she noticed there was writing on the scarf so she stuck it in the wash!!!! i think i threw the strop of all strops that a 15 year old can throw!!
still buy their new stuff , saw them a few years ago at the manchester academy with mr foxton on bass. jake burns' songwriting isn't what it was, the angry fire he had as a young man just doesn't burn as bright.
thanks for the trip down memory lane.

baza , you forgot to mention mumble pants: very tight shorts showing camel toe. you can see the lips moving but you cant hear no c*nt talking!!

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what
Tracey just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys
put their dicks?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, relieved that the
subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her
daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock
my teeth out?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a mother was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she
found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She
hid the
magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at
it and
handed it back to her without a word. Finally she asked him, "Well,
what shall we
do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should
spank him."
---------------------------------------------------------
Two golfers were coming up to the first tee. The first guy goes into
his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try
this ball?" He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "Use this one - you
can't lose it!" His friend asks, "What do you mean you can't lose
it?!?" The first
man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the
woods,
it makes a beeping sound. If you hit it into the water it produces
bubbles. And if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for
you to find it."
Obviously his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the
possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's
incredible! Where
did you get that ball?" The man replies, "I found it."
------------------------------------------------------------
A Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of
drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he
noticed a
sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.
Not only
did it look good, the smell was wonderful. So he asked the waiter,
"What is
that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have
excellent taste!
Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A
delicacy!" The

cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on
vacation down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so
sorry, senor.
There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight
each
morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be
sure to save
you this delicacy"! So the next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his
order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special
delicacy of
the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he
called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much,
much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his
shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man had great tickets for the World Cup final. As he sat down,
another man came over and asked if anyone was sitting in the seat next
to him.
"No," the first man replied. "The seat is empty." "That's incredible!"
said the
second man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the
World
Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?!?" The
first man said, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was
supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we
haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh... I'm sorry to
hear that,"
replied the second man. "That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone
else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The
first
man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

What bands have you seen and what did you think???? Stories of our youth (and beyond).

The Jam - the best, passion, enthusiasm, great songs and great atmosphere apart from the fight between blues and wolves fans at bingley hall stafford. The warm up band were covered in spit from head to toe but fair play to them they stayed on.

acdc - not a rock fan but really enjoyed it with Angus Young on the lead guitar was superb, rock on angus, rip your brother.

boomtown rats - quite good, geldof a bit ropy at times but it was on a monday and i dont like mondays. jonny fingers super on the piano

Big Country - absolutley superb on stage in bham for 3 hours, ran out of songs to sing and were taking requests from the audience. god rest your soul stuart Adamson you were excellent

UB40 - great brummy band, i was lucky because Simply Red were the support band, excellent too.

Simple Minds - effort, enthusiasm brilliant set, brilliant songs

Blondie - debbie harry was my schoolboy fantasy and it was easy for mum to get me to go to bed with my lovely debbie posters. Debs was great the drummer was great the rest were hopeless, wrong notes esp that Chris Stein.

Sting - bored the pants off me, everyone was shouting 'sing some police songs' to boring for a big venue.

Stereophonics - absolutly suberb, great songs, great act well done Kelly keep em coming.

One for you baz.

Baza came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing A long flowing white robe.
Who the hell are you?" Demanded Baz, "and what are you doing in my Bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Peter".

Baza was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Baza was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, He asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in Feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This isn't so bad" he thought, until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Baz, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Baza

"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...


"Baza, wake up you drunken b @ stard, you've sh** the bed"

doesn't matter what happens for the rest of the year. this thread should win funniest thread award just on today's posts.

someone just smacked me on the head - I must have been dreaming ??

A bacon sandwich walks into a pub a says 'a pint of bitter please' 'sorry mate we dont serve food'' repies the barman

Notice in the same bar

Ham Sandwich 2.50
Turkey and Salad Sandwich 2.75
Hand Job 10

A lovely looking barmaid comes through the door behind bar. 'are you the lady who gives the hand jobs' ask a customer, 'yes' says the baramid '' well do us favour wash your hands and make us a ham sandwich will ya''

If at first you don't succeed - it's probably not a good idea to take up skydiving.

Any views on a company called Zambezi Nickle, new to the market, but it has two great mineral deposites (according to Investors Chronical)...
Mitaba Prospect:
The Mitaba Project occupies a total strike length of 11 kilometres, within which occur two main complexes of successive ultramafic (komatiite) lava flows, 3.3 kilometres apart.
Paulwi Prospect:
The pear-shaped Paulwi intrusion has been gravity-differentiated into a gabbroic upper portion of 3,000 metres depth and basal serpentinised dunite portion of 2,000 metres depth... [goes on to say] comparable to the deposit being mined at the 11 million ton per annum operation at Mt Keith, Western Australia.

better to start new thread tonker!

ok