Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Boring start to the week ,, now if i was having an extention built today ..

Funny you should say that, jimmy.
Our architect is due here in the next 10 mins.
Doesn't look like that though.

Maybe she'll turn up when the work starts ,although you would have to be concerned about her climbing ladders with such a short skirt on .

No she'll be fine Jimmy.
I'll be stood at the bottom holding them. Just to make sure shes safe.

So considerate .

jimmy, those boots are doing wonderful things for me. oh, those heels ...........


sadly , my brickie looked more like this

Oh dear bos ,not quite the same .

I, the penis


I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

What beats a princess??
>
> A British Airways passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay
> flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he
served
> them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing
> down the aisle and announced to the passengers:
>
> "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big
> scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your
trays,
> that would be super."
>
> On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather
> exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
>
> "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I
> asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on
the
> ground.
>
> " She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
> Princess. I take orders from no one."
>
> To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
> sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
>
> Tray-up, bitch."
>

Updating Jasper Carrot, I just read this lot from Norwich Union;

1. "A frozen squirrel fell out of a tree and crashed through the windscreen on to the passenger seat."
2. "The car was parked when a reindeer fell on the bonnet of my car."
3. "As I was driving round a bend, one of the doors opened and a frozen kebab flew out, hitting and damaging a passing car."
4. "A herd of cows licked my car and caused damage to the paintwork."
5. "A zebra collided with my car when I was at a safari park."
6. "While I was waiting at traffic lights, a wasp went down my trouser leg which made me hit the accelerator and prang the car in front."
7. "I couldn't brake because a potato was lodged behind the brake."
8. "My parked car was hit by a bull which had escaped from an agricultural show."
9. "A cow jumped on my quad bike."
10. "As I came over a hill, I hit a cow in the middle of the road, which then hit the bonnet and shattered the windscreen with its rear."

Scientists have announced success in crossing an octopus with a graduate in sociology. It is still unintelligable but you should see it stack shelves in Tesco.
(With apologies to octopusses)

Abu Hamza has just been found guilty at his Old Bailey trial & should be sentenced later this afternoon.....

just sitting here looking at the fhm calender on the wall. february's girl is sarah harding. never really took much notice of her before, but that's really quite a good chassis she's got!

baza, no jokes??

And they caught 3 of his accomplices, Bin theivein, bin dealin and bin scroungin.
They're still hunting the fourth accomplice but there has so far been no sign of Bin Workin

If we are talking Girls Aloud bos,i like this one ..

Actually ..

yep

Any one watching SGP 200% UP.

yep



anyone watching nowt thread. 80% up and rising ;)

LOL !! see you've eliminated the ginger ,,thats gingerism at it's worst