Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Updating Jasper Carrot, I just read this lot from Norwich Union;

1. "A frozen squirrel fell out of a tree and crashed through the windscreen on to the passenger seat."
2. "The car was parked when a reindeer fell on the bonnet of my car."
3. "As I was driving round a bend, one of the doors opened and a frozen kebab flew out, hitting and damaging a passing car."
4. "A herd of cows licked my car and caused damage to the paintwork."
5. "A zebra collided with my car when I was at a safari park."
6. "While I was waiting at traffic lights, a wasp went down my trouser leg which made me hit the accelerator and prang the car in front."
7. "I couldn't brake because a potato was lodged behind the brake."
8. "My parked car was hit by a bull which had escaped from an agricultural show."
9. "A cow jumped on my quad bike."
10. "As I came over a hill, I hit a cow in the middle of the road, which then hit the bonnet and shattered the windscreen with its rear."

Scientists have announced success in crossing an octopus with a graduate in sociology. It is still unintelligable but you should see it stack shelves in Tesco.
(With apologies to octopusses)

Abu Hamza has just been found guilty at his Old Bailey trial & should be sentenced later this afternoon.....

just sitting here looking at the fhm calender on the wall. february's girl is sarah harding. never really took much notice of her before, but that's really quite a good chassis she's got!

baza, no jokes??

And they caught 3 of his accomplices, Bin theivein, bin dealin and bin scroungin.
They're still hunting the fourth accomplice but there has so far been no sign of Bin Workin

If we are talking Girls Aloud bos,i like this one ..

Actually ..

yep

Any one watching SGP 200% UP.

yep



anyone watching nowt thread. 80% up and rising ;)

LOL !! see you've eliminated the ginger ,,thats gingerism at it's worst

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure?
Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer

For those that missed the incredible rise of SGP today hard luck so did I.

I missed it too Driver. AND I looked at this morning when it was 0.85, but couldn't see any reason for the rise, so didn't think about it any further. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

So Hamza only received 7 years .......lets see he will get 2/3rds reduction in his 7 year term and he has already been banged up for over 2 years .......means he should be back on th streets before Easter..........British Justice you it makes sense.......... ..........

Yeah but thats the streets of the USA, cos when hes done here they want a word with him.

Good,, send him there ,,oh i forgot i'm not allowed to say that in case i offend .

OFFEND ME SOME MORE!!!! C'Mon, I love it.
What wasn't published was as part of his sentence he was to be given a dose of crabs.
Can't imagine anything worse than a seriously itchy scrotum and both hands being hooks.
Go for it Abu. It'll mean you can't breed again either. What a bonus!!!!!

Can you imagine me Al standing ouside Westminster wearing a pretend bomb and a banner saying behead all Muslims ,,where would i be tonight ,,in Jail ,,but then i am white and British so i suppose that explains it ..

yer thats what I heard, but no doubt he will be released because his Human Rights may be enfringed..........& after all thats more important to the fcuking PC brigade......just seen his screw ball lawyer on TV saying he is going to appeal, (no doubt at tax payers expense), and his conviction is all because of a big media campaign, .............BTW the lawyer refers to Hamza as a Sheikh ROFLMFHO......

Still think the Romanian Solution to be the best way to deal with this........