Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

you're scaring me.



have one of these instead ;)

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,



"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING

FOR WEEKS NOW"



HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;



"FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE AN ELECTRICIANS LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"



THE WIFE ASKS,



"WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."



TO WHICH HE REPLIED,



"FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE HOTPOINT WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."



FINE, SHE SAYS,



"THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?" THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK."



"I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX THE STEPS", HE SAYS. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WOODIES DIY WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!! "



SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.



"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"



SHE SAID,



"WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."



HE SAID,



"SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?"



SHE REPLIED,



"HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"

nice one , baza.
when you're bored take a look at this. it left me open mouthed in amzement. i haven't been this impressed since i saw a version of the golden shot involving a thai girl and a balloon!!

would love to bang like this!!

one day ...........

Amazing rhythm, fast hands and fast feet - and only 12

baza, incredible, innit!!!!



again. getting good at this. :)

bos
Thanks for that excellent Drum Solo by Tony Royster Jr I use to be a fan of Ginger Baker and saw him live at the Roundhouse over thirty years ago.

Ginger Baker the best drumer of all time.

oh dear, driver. i think we're going to fall out over this one. for sheer ability, style, power and entertainment it has to be buddy rich, but, just for being un-f*cking-believable with the sticks it has to be simon phillips (currently with toto). imo, mr phillips is god (albeit with a german rockstar hair-do).

A very handsome and even more confident man walks into a bar and
takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick
glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and cant help but ask, "Is your date running
late?"

No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I
was just testing it."

The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so
special about it?"

It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

'Whats it telling you now?"

Well, it says youre not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because
I am wearing panties!"

The man taps on the face of the watch and explains, "Damn thing must
be an hour fast."

Bos
Sort bos I didnt know you was such an expert I will take your word for it but IMO it must be Ginger and for guitar Jimmy Hendrix.

bos
Just for you bos buddy rich.

">

Ere. 'Es just 'itting fings.
I can 'it fings.

buddy and my hero ........

Nah

bon soir

It's quiet today......time for a chuckle!!

Ed Zachary Disease

A woman had become very anxious by the fact that she had not been out on a single date and certainly hadn't had any sex for quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical advice of a sex therapist.

Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, a well-known and highly qualified Chinese sex therapist.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down on your hands and knees and craw reery, reery fass to oder side off room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy, vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever haf see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, tell me, what is Ed Zachary disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman straight in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."

pmt problems????? http://www.office-humour.co.uk/g/i/2415/

Another........

........A very attractive Jewish girl marries an extremely rich Arab sheikh and goes off to live in his luxurious palace in the desert.

Six months later, very distressed, she telephones her father and tells him she wants to leave her husband. The father persuades her to stay where she is until he comes to visit her immediately.

When he arrives he is amazed at the fabulous wealth that surround him in the form of gold, precious stones, servants and Rolls Royces. He asks his daughter why she intends to leave her husband.

Papa, its the anal sex she sobbed, I just cant stand it anymore. When I first got married and moved here I had an anus the size of a 5 pence coin, now its more like a 50 pence coin.

Her father looks around slowly and says My life already, don't tell me your going to give up all this for 45p?

Jammy ROFLMFHO ................already my boy...........

A bit closer to home

"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme by employing some Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower."

Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and
Jed.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and
tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave
you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to
her,
'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".