Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Jammy ROFLMFHO ................already my boy...........

A bit closer to home

"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme by employing some Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower."

Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and
Jed.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and
tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave
you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to
her,
'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".

got me hat-trick today !!! :)

... and the last 4 that got away ;)

mmmm thats better.

Joke of the Day

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt very badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad, to be sure. Roll him over, will you?". So the mortician rolled him over.

Seamus looked closely and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yep, he's burnt real bad isn't he, roll him over please".

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, that ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How on earth can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes"

"What, you're honestly telling me that Paddy had two arseholes???" said the mortician.

"Yep, everyone in town knew Paddy had two arseholes.

"How?", said the mortician.

"Well" said Sean, "every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"

:)

too easy ...... :)

Time to come off the steroids, Bos.

... with a cute little helmet ;)

nowt wrong with my helmet!!

There is if it looks like that.

pith off

hi all
another fantastic day in the city with nothing moving except anything i have no interest in.
so i sit here and read the board, and dream of the next big thing.

christ why do i do this.

Bos,
Sent you an e-mail.
Alan

are you sure , alan, cos i've got nuffink yet!!

Its nowt exciting bos, just after a bit of local knowledge for your neck of the woods!!
Alan

And before you jump to any conclusions, I know every pub, club, bar, pool hall, brothel and massage parlour round your way.
I should do. I've been banned from most of 'em on the basis of unnatural acts.
Its a bit ironic cos in a brothel, unnatural acts are only natural.
Alan

can you send again , alan. still nowt received.