Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Actually - I think I will stick with Jimmy's bodies - shame there no web cam ?

FUNNY OF THE DAY
Bumper Stickers
The first bumper stickers appeared in America during the mid-to-late '50s. Originally, they weren't "stickers," but were attached by small wires twisted around bumpers. These early "bumper signs" were used for advertising. The first actual "stick-on" bumper stickers popped up later that decade. The first presidential race to make widespread use of bumper stickers was Kennedy vs. Nixon in 1960. Here is the best collection of bumper stickers on the Internet.

Fishing is not a matter of life or deathit's more important than that.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

I is a college student.

Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.

Forget about world peace. Visualise using your turn signal.

Give bloodplay hockey.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.

Wink. I'll do the rest.

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

I killed a six-pack just to watch it die.

Hire a teenager while they still know everything!

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Conserve water. Shower with a friend.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It's as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Defecation eventuates.

Nonconformists are all alike.

Don't laugh at these fogged up windows. It's your daughter in here.

If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

Exxon Suxx.

Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.

I don't care who you are, what you are driving or where you would rather be.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.

My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. I'm going to miss her.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

Join the Army. Visit exotic places, meet interesting people, then kill them.

I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead.

Support your local undertakerdrop dead.

God must love stupid peoplehe made so many.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.

Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.

If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.

Men aren't pigs...pigs are gentle, cute creatures!

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Never fight ugly peoplethey have nothing to lose.

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!

I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.

This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!

My wife's other car is a broom.

Honk if you hate noise pollution.

I have a problem with drinkingtwo hands and only one mouth.

A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on.

Save Californiawhen you leave, take someone with you.

Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.

Lost your cat? Look under my tires.

Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.

If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt.

If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children.

I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!

I have PMS and a gun...excuse me, did you have something to say?

Worry. God knows all about you.

Fight crime, shoot back.

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada.

I'm not tailgating. I'm drafting!

I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it, call a cop!

Back off. I'm a postal worker.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me, I quit!"

Strip mining prevents forest fires.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Vote Democratit's easier than working!

Vote Republicanit's easier than thinking!

The early worm gets caught.

Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good!

Plunder globally. Manage media locally.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

The waist is a terrible thing to mind.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Sex without partnersFounding member.

Mom's Travel Agencyask about our guilt trips.

Ex-wife for sale. Just take over payments.

Like to travel? Enjoy sex? Take a f*cking hike.

Dysfunctional family on board.

I love cats...they taste like chicken.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Rehab is for quitters.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

So many lawyers, so few bullets.

So many idiots...so few comets.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my great uncle, not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute!

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Warning: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an I.Q. test and the results were negative.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Always rememberyou're unique, just like everyone else.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots...and I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Your kid may be an honour student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!

Energiser Bunny arrestedcharged with battery.

I'm not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Veni, vidi, velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.

Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

Live simply...so I can have the stuff you don't use!

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Born free, (my father's a doctor).

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Learn from your parents' mistakesuse birth control.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Stamp out crimeabolish the IRS.

Old skiers never diethey just go downhill.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

I brake for hallucinations.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

Earth first! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her.....or something like that.

Sure you can always trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

"Driver carries no cashhe's married!"

"I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to go to meetings."

Smith & Wessonthe original point and click interface.

Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms!

Do not wash. Vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.

Keep working, millions on welfare depend on you.

I'm on the road constantly, where the hell is Easy Street?

Do you think you'd drive any better with that phone up your ass?

Bhunt , i havnt had a look , (i wouldnt want to) but is that a real website ??
if it is your right ,, only in America ..

baz
The point is how did you come across it, what was you looking for?

Good point driver ,i mean did you just type in rotting bodies , as you do .

Perhaps he typed in "burying a stiff" ???

There's a bit of action on baza's Web Site.

Bos,
Thanks for the info.
I did e-mail replies to you but just in case you didn't get 'em, cheers mate.
Alan

no probs , alan. if you need more specific info , let me know. still not got your replies though. i think i might have a glitch with my hotmail.

well, today i acted like a



and very nearly got



:(

No way

bos, do us a favour and put the monkey pic on the axm thread, ppllleeeeeaaasse pretty please!

You're been very enigmatic, Bos!!!

FIVE CORPORATE LESSONS



Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to
drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the
husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: - If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."

Moral of the story: - If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.



Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me
first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me
next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."

Moral of the story: - Always let your boss have the first say.



Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch
of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

Al ,bos is acting rather strange ,i thought i must have taken too much LSD in the 80's when i looked at his last post,,is it a code ??

He's worrying me too, jimmy.
I had a Chinese friend translate teh words on the building and its something to do with Prince Charles, architecture and abnormal, and possibly impossible, sex acts.
Very weird.
Alan

I would have thought that the impossible possibly ,impossibly ,possible sex acts was something you could decipher .

I understand the practical, Its the theory I'm a bit rusty on!!!!!
Alan

aint nuffink impossible :)